I'm On the Pursuit of Happiness and I Know, Everything that Shine Ain't Always Gonna be Gold, HEY

I hate math as its taught in schools. I was always terrible at it. I still remember when I first realized I was terrible at it. Second grade. Those worksheets where you had to do problems as fast as you could, and the winner that got them all right got some kind of prize. Maybe a glitter pencil of one of those huge triangle erasers that just looked like candy and made you get a craving for a Starburst or ten. Anyways, it was time for another fun round of worksheet racing, but this time, it was division. I still can't do long division. Like you could threaten to take my life with a dagger to my throat,  and I probably couldn't figure out long division. Everyone is finishing up, and the winner is already grinding their new glitter pencil to a fine point in the sharpener. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there and I can't get one problem. Not one. I'm the last kid still sitting at the desks. I feel panic rising in my stomach and I just want to run out of that room and hide in the woods where long division doesn't exist. But I cant so I sit there until the teacher finally notices the hot tears that have begun running down my face and comes over.

Who remembers these?!

Now, I have a few friends who are math teachers. They probably have a nice collection of glitter pencils somewhere in their closet at home, shiny like special unicorn horns. But in my experience, many math teachers, have been...mean. Not mean people persey, but just plain canNOT fathom how ANYONE has difficulty understanding long division. Or algebra. Or why x is just a letter near the end of the alphabet in some peoples minds. I have had, in my school career all the way up into college, math teachers who have given me serious 'tude because I, Tamara Morrison, struggle with math. One professor in college even went so far as to say to me when I asked for help "You should know this, shouldn't you? I don't have time you will need to study it on your own." I remember she was obsessed with the gym. So I cant hate her entirely. But, what she failed to realize here is that HEY MATH DOESN'T COME EASY TO EVERYONE!!! Just because you basically must have popped out of the womb with an algebra how to manual implanted in your soul, doesn't mean I did.

And that is the point of this post today. Its about realizing that not everyone defines success/happiness/talent the same as YOU and that's fine. Somewhere in my journey to not really caring what anyone else thinks came that realization. For ME, success is being independent, not being in an office for work, freedom. I don't want kids. Like ever. Yeah that's right I'm a 26 yr old girl that isn't interested in kids. You think I will change. I think you're wrong. It makes me happy to chase big goals. I don't get nervous putting my ideas out there. I don't get scared to step on a stage. I don't want to live a mediocre life. I want to do something different. And I'm happier now than I think I've ever been because I'm doing what I love even though people told me it was crazy.

That's my dream, but I know people that want to be moms more than ANYTHING. I mean whole face lights up when they talk about it. My mom was one of those people. She didn't want to run a business or come up with crazy ideas. Didn't interest her at all. She wanted to be a stay at home mom. That was her dream. And she did it. That is nothing like my dream. Its quite opposite. But she was HAPPY. She was terribly happy.  I know people who love routine. SERIOUSLY love it. They like sitting in an office, they like having everything thought out and then going home and enjoying some time or hobbies. I know people who go live in Africa for years, with no running water because they want to volunteer and they believe they are doing good. I know guys in relationships with other guys and they own a house and a puppy together. All these people do not live the life that fires ME up and would make me happy. But they are happy. You can tell when someone has passion and happiness and excitement for life. They all have it. So stop questioning it. Stop asking yourself or other people how so and so can be happy living THAT life? ANYONE who has discovered their happiness or is on the way to that, should get respect for that. Because there are SO MANY who have not.

You know the ones I mean. The whiners, the sad souls. Maybe right now, you are one. The people who are so not happy with anything they are doing but, refuse to create change. The biggest reason seems to be (and we always fall back on this one) is what other people are saying/thinking. Someone told you your dreams are stupid. You think if you tell anyone your dreams, they WILL say you're stupid. People told me this too. My old boss one time said to me "What are you going to do if you don't do this? There's nothing else for you, you cant be a designer anywhere, this is the best you can do" Sure it got to me. But I refused to believe it. A  0.30995 second Google search shows me thousands of people who ARE designers. With my education and levels of knowledge. With less money saved. With less support. The proof is easy to see. If they could do it why the hell not me?! I'm not a special unicorn! If they could do it why not me? They freaking had to do some work for it. They didn't just wake up and have this happen. Working for change is GOING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE. All those happy people, they know that. A lot of times, I don't feel like calling people, I don't want to think about all those huge ugly numbers putting quotes together (math!) It sucks. Id rather be eating chocolate and scrolling Facebook. In my cube life, I could. Money was made even scrolling Facebook. But not now. Maybe that stay at home mom feels like dog shit today. She doesn't WANT to deal with three kids today. Its hard. They annoy her today. She'd rather be on the beach with a glass of wine. Maybe that gay couple with the puppy don't feel like being gawked at today in the supermarket. But screw it. Shut off the emotions and just do it. I just do the quote. The mom just deals with the kids. The couple goes to the store. And in the end they all emerge happier and stronger. NO ONE ever regretted the outcome of pushing harder at a goal. No one.

So you know what, math teachers past? Not everyone gets math. Not everyone is good at that. It's not the only way to be smart, or happy. Not everyone wants to be fit like me. Not everyone wants to compete. Some people just want to fit into their jeans from two years ago. Not everyone wants to run a business. Not everyone CAN. It would be like asking a fish to fly. It's not utilizing what that fish does and loves best. And yeah, I don't want to be a mom, or get a "real safe" job or stop training for competitions or go back to college. Stop asking. If it changes Ill let ya know. I am, right now, happy. I can only hope you are, too. If you AREN'T, that's the people I feel for, the people I wish I could help change. Help them somehow erase their often self imposed restrictions on doing what it is they are best at and most passionate about. I don't care if its building igloos at the North Pole, joining the gypsies, or working at the meat counter at Stop and Shop. If you want it, find a way to put in the work to get it. NOTHING ever came easy worth having. Don't find fault in other people's happiness and skills. My dad always said of his crew when he was manager at a car dealership, his people were all like different tools in his box. Some were good at some things, others at something else. Together they made a great team. But forcing someone to do something they aren't good at/didn't like always always backfired. Ok, now its time to do some quotes. Thank God for the calculator. There aren't enough glitter pencils and candy erasers (remember the strawberry scented ones?!) to make me do long division by hand ever again.

If YOU need a logo, shirts, or complete marketing materials, visit me at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com! 

Why A Lack of Patience, Just Ain't Gonna Cut the Mustard!

You know what? With most things,  I am NOT what you might call,  a patient person. I hate waiting. I don't like standing in lines. I hate stop lights. (Don't even get me started on the stop lights in the town where I live, we could have an entire blog on that...) I go nuts when I want to eat (that's basically always), and I'm trying to open a new bottle or jar and there is one of those stupid plastic unbreakable seals and once you slice that bastard off there's another stupid seal under the lid. "Sealed for Your Protection," they always boast. Look, I'm at the point where I'd rather risk contracting incurable venereal diseases than fight with this stupid plastic. Therefore I'd rather you protected me just a TAD less, and let me have some damn mustard, or the one that's going to need protection is YOU, French's.

NIGHTMARES

I lose my cool over packages that take 304959 years to deliver. What, is this thing coming from Mars, or New Jersey?  I, like many people in today's society, want what I want and I want it now. But at the same token, I've noticed I'm able to shut my impatience off for a couple of things in my life. I realized just how important that ability IS, and how it really can help a person achieve long term goals. Impatience, like so many things we deal with is just an emotion. Control that, and you will have a much easier time finding success in all areas of your life. Trouble is, most people don't seem to know how! It can be learned though, by changing how you think about your big goals.

Most people who read this probably know, I am an NPC Bikini Competitor, and I had a competition this past weekend. I took second in that competition, and I made so much improvement over last year where I took dead last in this same show. More important than that, was that I was absolutely floored by the amount of texts, messages, and well wishes and congratulations that I got on that competition. I have never really been motivating to anyone that I was aware of, and to have so many people tell me that, literally blew me away! So humbled and grateful! So I wanted to thank everyone for that, as a side note! Fitness however, is one example of something in my life, where impatience is NOT a factor for me. Building a killer physique is NOT going to ever be a fast process. IT TAKES YEARS. You all see how I look on that stage and yeah, that's great, but you must know, it has taken me upwards of FIVE YEARS to even get this far!!

I still remember my 19th birthday, it was also Father's Day, so the entire family went for a hike to the Heublein Tower in Farmington CT. It's basically straight uphill to the top for a good 20-30 minutes. I. Was. DYING. I was wheezing and sweating and it was just miserable. My mom said "I worry about you, you NEVER get any exercise!" She was right. Ever since I'd started dating my other half, we had sunken into a happy place of french fries and ice cream dates and nights on the sofa. For the first time in my life that summer, I was putting on some pudge. And I knew it. I remember I vowed on that day to do SOMETHING, no matter how little, to get some exercise, and stop eating so much crap. That began my love affair with research via the internet. I tried so many things you have no idea. I tried 100% squeaky clean eating and "jogging". God I HATE running. The shin splints killed me. It was so boring. I didn't get any leaner. What abs? I then started lifting weights. Along with the iron, I lifted every piece of food I saw that was "clean" into my mouth, under the excuse that I lifted, I could have it. I gained weight and NOTHING fit. I told myself it was all muscle. I still didn't have any abs. I decided it MUST be carbs that were keeping me from my dream body. I proceeded to stop eating them. I mean STOP. I didn't eat a single piece of fruit, bread, potato or candy for over a YEAR. Ill tell you what I did eat though. JARS of nut butter and cans of mixed nuts. There were barely any carbs so it was ok right? WRONG. I weighed more than ever! All that jogging wasn't even working. So I did more research, and took a totally new approach to everything, and slowly, got it right. I learned a lot of what didn't work the hard way. I don't run anymore. EVER. I HATE IT! I eat carbs. I DON'T eat uncontrolled handfuls of nuts anymore ( hmm probably the giant amount of calories in 309845 handfuls of nuts a day couldddd be why I wasn't getting lean!) The point here is, the end result you see there, took me YEARS. I have YEARS to go on those goals too. If that didn't teach long term goal patience.....I don't think anything can.

The same mindset I had with fitness, is how I am able to start and run and continue to develop my design business. I started design back in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I took my first class in eighth grade and I actually won an award at the end of the year for something I made, I think it was a box for golf balls, hah! That was 13....YES THIRTEEN years ago. I was 13 years old and I'm now 26. I've been working on honing that passion for HALF OF MY LIFE. I went down a long and mistake riddled road on the way to where I am here now, just as I did with fitness. I got caught up in what everyone else was doing in high school, I stopped designing and started Facebooking. My parents encouraged me to pursue design and a business/freelance career, I just wanted to do what everyone else was doing and go to four year college and be a "corporate person" or something, and work in a nice office with nice heels and skirts and my name on some cube. Yes, at one point, I WANTED that. I wanted to do what I thought adulthood meant. And so, I got myself an office job or two and well, you know the rest. You know I hated it. The free spirit kid I'd always been was still in there somewhere and she wanted out.

The point of these stories is, that these are two big, giant areas of my life where patience wins. And I'm OK with that. Here's why: Because the way I look at it is in terms of the big picture. I am NOT going to be an IFBB Pro athlete tomorrow. Or next year, or next week. I am NOT going to be a millionaire with a thriving business either. Not now. But, the biggest thing that keeps me going to bed so happy every night,, is knowing I made a chip in those goals, every single day. Forget being rich, or a pro, or all the glory. The road is so long, you can't see the end. ACCEPT THAT. Forget the end. That's the biggest secret I have to getting somewhere. Forget the end. Everyday just drive another mile down that road. DO NOT STOP. Do not stay inside and sleep. Get in the car and get on that road. So what you didn't make $10203 today. Did you talk to one more person who might give you some work? Did you respond to another few emails from prospects? Did you call someone with their estimate? Yes? Ok then you did not waste this day. You did not. Did you instead sit there and think about the cigarette boat you're going to buy when when General Mills asks you, personally, to redesign their entire line of cereals, while simultaneously watching Friends reruns saying you'll start tomorrow? Then sorry, you wasted that day. You will never succeed. 

So the take away here? Patience is an emotion and YOU have control. Part of that control, is breaking your big aspirations down into actual small goals that you can focus on TODAY. You will not meet that big goal today. Or next year. But you will eventually get there, IF you keep moving in smaller steps. I NEVER thought I'd actually HAVE a full time business, or step on a physique stage. Then one day it happened. There's still so much to do, but its progress. You can't ask for more. Stop asking yourself for more than little steps. Let that expectation go. Sleep at night with your big goal still un-achieved (!) But, DO SOMETHING even if its TINY. Let that be enough for today. Repeat tomorrow, and the next day and the next. Like dirty socks, you just add a couple to the pile a day and before you know it, its rolling out of the hamper and you can't even contain it anymore! Of course no ones ultimate life goal is doing laundry (again) but, LITTLE THINGS ADD UP OVER TIME!!

I still hate those damn plastic food seals. But, if I just calm down and remove the label in a human manner instead of that of a rabid chipmunk, I would probably still hit my goal of mustard covered bliss, with a lot less trouble. Pshhh who are we kidding, can't always be patient.....time to eat........!

"I Think There's Been a Mistake..." "Did You Say STEAK?!?" "No, MIStake!"

You know what I could go for right this second? A burger. Like one of those big juicy ones, totally still mooing on the inside, grill charred on the outside. On top, Id like mushrooms and onions, but not raw onions, because I'll burp those up until July 4th. I'd also like some cheese. Cheddar. Lots of serious ketchup. And mustard. No bun, and a pickle.

FOODPORN!!!

Ok ok, I'm totally dreaming of what I will have after I walk the stage this weekend to compete in my first NPC Bikini show this season. If you know me (or if ya don't) you know I have been preparing for this thing for basically a year, when I did terrible in my last show, for many reasons. I could have chosen to run and hide and never give it another shot, but dammit I just love to lift weights too much and if so many other people could get into stage shape, why not me? I decided this time, I would do it my way, or no way. I'm not one for following direction. Never was. For me, its never enough to have just listened to someone and done something, I need to know the WHY and the HOW. If someone tells me what to do with no reasoning behind it, I struggle to even bother to DO it!! Plus, I've learned I need to say I did something MYSELF, or it's a nearly worthless accomplishment in my mind. That's my independent streak talking I suppose. Anyhow,  I decided I would learn this getting shredded things for myself, and if I looked decent come show season, I'd give it a go.

I ended up turning out an OK product over the past year, so this weekend that's just what I'm going to do. I've had some great help and support along the way, those people know who they are. But ultimately, this is me and me alone. My project, my product, my work.

Now, I don't believe in turning away good advice and help, and hearing it and processing it alone can teach you so very much. Listen to what people who have been in your shoes before you say, and then do what you will with it, but always LISTEN!!! It's all part of your path, and even bad or wrong advice, can show you what is RIGHT when you may not have seen it before.

Fitness, is so much like business. I may elaborate on that in another post some time. But, even Sir Richard Branson, who started over 400 companies under Virgin Group, said the secret to success? "Work out."

Why? I think, because it requires a certain mentality. The external after all, is a manifestation of the internal. Yeah, your grey matter. Your brain. Its more powerful than your physical being. So if you can grasp the mentality it takes to create an elite physique (or even a better than average one, which isn't a crazy aspiration in America) what the $*#& else can you do?!?!

I'm not here now to tell you entirely how to get into that mindset. Some of it is probably personality type. I'm a little OCD about details, but I am THE LEAST organized person ever. Do you want to see my kitchen right now? No, no you don't. (Sorry mom and dad!!) But, when I design, I measure to the millimeter to center things. I count my diet like one extra mushroom will result in needing to ride one of those scooters around the Wal-Mart. I pay disgustingly close attention to artistic detail. But I can't see how dirty the shower is. Probably a little bit sick in the head. :P

At any rate, the point here today is, no matter what goal you are pursuing, you're chicken shit scared and you probably aren't going for it as much as you could be. What are you scared of most? Mistakes. Messing up. More importantly, public mistakes. Because you care what people think. Look back at old posts where I already told you that.

Last year on that stage, I kinda looked terrible. I did two shows last year, but I only really ever talk about one. Because the second one, I was dead last. I was unprepared. My diet was a mess and I was hardly following one anymore. My hair was barely done. I looked unkempt and brought a half assed package to that stage. I messed up. It was public. Everyone saw. It was my fault for not taking control of my situation and being responsible for myself that day.

I see the same in business. Recently, I made a mistake there too. I messed up. I missed an error. I had 1000 of something printed up and they were all incorrect. It happened. It's going to happen. Because despite my detail orientation, I am human. I make mistakes. I miss things. And when it happens, it will be public. People will see. People will hear. Sometimes, in other unfortunate cases recently, things blow up and mistakes even make the news.

At first, I was disturbed. I didn't want a bad reputation, I was honestly questioning my own abilities, and wondering if I even DESERVED to work with anyone else if I was just going to disappoint them or make more mistakes. You can always be more careful. But you have to realize there's ALWAYS a risk of mistakes. ALWAYS ALWAYS. Why the hell would I let that risk set me back, TAKE RISKS or you simply cannot progress.

Then I thought about that physique show. Yeah I publicly messed up. But NO ONE REMEMBERS. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps after that blunder and I didn't quit. I found another way. I kept doing it because I love it. And I ignored the failure of last time. I blocked it out. I moved on. This weekend a lot of people, probably you if you are reading this and you know me, are going to be watching me to see how I do in this show. You've maybe been watching me work on my self project for a while now. And I may totally lose and bomb out again. Might make a mistake. Might fail. And hundreds of people will see. But I'm not scared of that because no matter the outcome, I know that journey was worth it, not for the end result but for the other 364 days I worked to get there. And there will be 364 more to follow, because I love to train and I'm not doing this to prove anything to anyone.

People ask how I get up there and I'm not nervous. Because why should I be? It's nothing in the end. Its 30 seconds. It's 30 seconds out of millions of seconds of my life, for a purely physical sport. There will be years of shows ahead of me if I so choose to participate in them.

And in my business, there will be years ahead to progress in that, as well. I will certainly make more mistakes. 100% freakin guaranteed. But I can't let that fear hold me back from showing you and everyone else exactly what I'm capable of and how I can help you. Handle mistakes with honor. Don't ignore them or run from them, but instead apologize, face them, fix them, work around them, and most importantly, learn from them! They, like all those people who offer advice, are the best teachers on your path. Everything and everyone you encounter brings you where you need to go. Let it. Risk it. Don't fear opinions. Fail and fail publicly. Let everyone see you do it. Hell, give them binoculars. What of it? You'll still wake up tomorrow and you'll still find happiness in the things you love. Let that fear of MISTAKES go and instead, strive to make as many damn mistakes as it takes to learn enough to be very successful. The only mistake you should stop making, is inaction. That one is the ultimate blunder that simply cannot be overcome. So get off your asses now and go screw something up with enthusiasm!

On the upside, this writing took just long enough, that its almost dinner time! No burger or steak yet, (or chocolate, I realllllly want some fudge covered peanut butter, or peanut butter covered fudge) but
I do get some pretty tasty eats. Somewhere, someone gets none tonight. Somewhere, some cow is settling in for his last evening before becoming my post show refeed. Ok, that was a little depressing. Sorry! Keep the vibes positive people! Until next time!

If you want to risk an awesome encounter for you next design or tshirt project, check me out at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com . Mistakes not guaranteed ;)

I Love Peanut Butter, and I'm a Little Selfish. You Should Be Too.

Are you ever sitting there, doing something totally nonchalant like clipping your toenails, or maybe something magnificent, like watching the sunset in Maui, and you realize, suddenly, that you will NEVER know what it would be like to experience this life as anyone else? Never. I mean this point of view you have, right here, right now, reading this, is something no one else will ever know.

It's scary really if you sit there and ponder it. There are billions of us, yet no two experiences on this planet are ever the same and YOU ONLY GET ONE.

I have a scar on my right knee from when I was trying to "surf" by standing on a pool tube NEXT to the pool. Of course, I fell off and diced my knee open. My grandpa was supposed to be watching me, but he had fallen asleep. (A normal occurrence for him!) Every time I look at that scar I remember him. I have calluses from weightlifting that remind me how much I love it every time I look at my hands. I love reggae music and peanut butter and chicken with cinnamon and mustard on it. My daddy is still my biggest supporter. Some people have never met their fathers. And I will never have to know what that's like.

Is this how they make Peanut Butter?!

I will also never know what it's like to be a child that was abused, or to come from a huge family. And you won't know what it's like to still get bothered by the smell of burning brakes and metal on the highway. Or maybe, you will, but not because you were going 70mph on January 10, 2010 when you got struck from behind and spun around three times into a bridge, walking away from your destroyed car with only a broken nail. Maybe you'll have a similar story. But it won't be exactly the same. The story of your life can never, from start to finish, be the same as my story.

Only one person is there with you, from the moment you're born till the moment you die. Only one person knows what scares you, what you love, what hurts, what you really think, all your scars, what it looks like when you ate some bad pigs-in-a-blanket, and you have your body rebelling from both ends...at once. Not pretty. Not pretty. That person is you. You live and die with you, my friend. You know what else lives and dies with you? Everything you do in your little slice of time and space here. There seems to be a few reasons I see, that people think they shouldn't fully ulilize that finite slice. But it's time to knock those to the curb and write some plot twists into your story. Here's why you might be reluctant...

1) You think people are going to remember  - People love you. They do, I promise. SOMEONE (several someones!) is deeply effected by your presence. But we all think people care far more about us and our stories than they do. And it holds us back. You don't want to be seen in high school wearing hand me downs because the other kids will laugh. You don't want to go to the gym because people are going to recoil in disgust at your back fat. You don't want to start a business because you might fail and people might see. People might say you suck. People might see you fall on your ass if you get up on stage and try to walk in heels and a bikini, like I'm about to in a week. Yup, should that happen, they'll see. They'll laugh. It will suck. And in ten years, no one will remember including me. But YOU WILL always remember that thing you wanted to do but never did because of the things you thought people might say and think. People are going to think and say things about you anyways. If you do nothing, they'll say your a lazy recluse.  Remember, you live and die with you and you alone. When you're 80, sitting on some nursing home porch with drool down to your armpits, most of them won't be there. You will though.

2) You're afraid of being selfish - "Selfish" is painted as this horrible concept in our society. Its widely agreed that its bad to be seen as selfish. To care about ones self. But if you don't even care about yourself, who the heck else is going to? I think, acting selfish, and BEING selfish are two different things. Acting selfish, would be that trait we all don't like. Being mean and arrogant, unwilling to help people who need you, putting everyone else last, having no consideration for other people's feelings or situations. But BEING selfish, could simply be taking care of YOU and taking the time to work on the one person you have complete control of. Invest in you. You have nothing to give to anyone else if you're so busy ignoring your own thoughts and aspirations because you feel guilty chasing your purpose for being here. By doing your thing, you inspire other people. Be it your children, your friends, and strangers you've never even met. And that is the very definition of UNselfish.Giving isn't always giving time, or money, or THINGS to a charity on a poster. It could be giving positive vibes.

3) You get too attached to important people in your life - We all have that friend. The one who you think would probably jump headfirst off a bridge if their significant other ever left them. They claim to be "so in love". They don't do things if the other person doesn't like them. They do things BECAUSE the other person tells them to. They don't really do much without the other person. But who are THEY? What do THEY give to this thing called existence?  I have been with the same person for 8 years. We like some of the same things of course. But we like a lot of different things. I'm a fitness competitor. He works out, but he has no desire to go as hard as me for that goal. I use that same mentality to run my business. He prefers being part of a team/company. He plays softball and loves it. I don't even know which way to run. (I'm NOT exaggerating) I can't swim in the ocean. Hate it. He's a fish out there. He races cars. Cars are shiny and pretty to me, but I have the same interest in racing as he does in counting grams of carbs. Yet we mesh nicely. He doesn't tell me I can't go to the gym. I don't tell him to stop racing. At the same token, he tells me if I'm being a crazy bitch. I tell him if he's being a dumb ass. If we ever split, I will be lost. I love him. But I will still be Tamara Lynn Morrison, artist and designer. I will still have that. I've had that since I was born. I will still love fitness. I will get up at 7AM everyday and do those things. I will live for them as I do now. We choose other people to walk our paths with us. But we should never choose to cling to them and let them drag us by the neck. Never make anyone else your everything. Because when/if they leave, you will have nothing. You will be nothing. At the end no one can die for you. You will breathe your last breath with your own two lungs. Why live for your life for someone else??

Find your own passions. Be a little yes, SELFISH and put those dreams first. Then give the happiness those passions give you to other people who deserve to be in your life. UNselfish, see? This life is yours and yours alone. You only get one story, write the book so that when it closes and gets filed away on the shelf of humanity, it deserves a big freaking spot. And please, at any party where they are serving pigs-in-a-blanket, steer clear. Not.....pretty.

Motivated to start living out some dreams that require a designer? ;) You know where to find me www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com

You're Not Trying Hard Enough

There was a point in my life, as everyone knows by now, that I wanted nothing more than to just leave my boring full time sit-in-a-dark-corner-and scan-endless-documents-all-day, job. It was sucking the life from me, and my design business was like a seedling that had just begun to sprout...but realized it was under one of those ugly lawn gnome statues you find in the home and garden section of KMart for wayyyy more than anyone should pay for something so unsightly.

Don't get stuck under this guy.......

In other words, I was stifled. Limited in what I could do given the current situation. I had to find a way to bend and get into the sun, or I would never grow.

One of the biggest hold backs, was the notion that people would probably think I was silly. Family, friends, complete strangers, anyone I who asked "So what do you do?" You're supposed to have stable employment. You're supposed to work a 9-5. You're supposed to not really like it. And you're supposed to DEAL with it and shut up dammit. That's what being an adult is! Liking what you do is for those far far away people you read about on some CNN feature, or Instagram, or blog.....ooops :P.
There is NEVER going to be a "right time" to do anything in life. You will feel when its often going to happen though. I knew it was going to happen. Change was in the air. I spent many nights in frustration and tears about HOW change was going to happen.

One of those nights I was talking to a friend about my frustrations, and all the reasons (excuses) as to why I shouldn't get out of that job and even get something part time at night for a while as I transitioned. In the midst of my excusefest and pity party, he said five words that I STILL repeat to myself almost daily, and I have since he said them: "You're not trying hard enough".

Why those stuck with me, was because those words were so.......true. I had every reason in the book as to why I wasn't doing what my soul wanted. Why the hell COULDN'T I go for what I wanted? Was I indeed NOT trying hard enough? Was there more I could do? Well, yeah. Shut up and apply for part time jobs and sneak into the bathroom at the full time gig, risk being sworn and shouted at, and lie about being sick and go on interviews. And you know what? That's exactly what I finally did. And it worked. Within a week of trying hard enough, I had another part time job that would give me the time I wanted to work on my biz. All I had to do was stop with the excuses, EMBRACE THE RAGING DISCOMFORT and try. I know I made it sound pretty simple. But.... maybe it is. Here's the main reasons I found and still find, that I'm not trying  hard enough when I want something, be it business, fitness, or life, and they might be the same reasons as you.....

1) It's Too Hard

Yeah, as simple as that. Getting more than what you already have in life, requires hard work. Like actual work. We don't often even know what that is in today's environment. In many cases, you're born, your parents enroll you in mandatory public school, and you then go to some kind of college because that's what you're supposed to do, and parents go broke and you go broke, and everybody goes crazy making sure its going to happen. It's ok to sink into debt, its your education! If you don't go that route (because that route simply is NOT for everyone!) then maybe you end up working at Arby's and people tell you you failed, so you believe that too, and you accept that, and you...don't try any harder. Or say you do graduate college, and you get your big job, and all you have to do in some cases, is, show up for the set hours, and do what they tell you, and you take home a paper with some amount of money on it each week and life goes on. You get that money whether you took 304 bathroom selfies, or crunched numbers for that  8 hour day. It just IS. Simply for being. It's taken for granted.

If you want to start a business, or if you want to move up to a valuable position where you currently work, or work somewhere else (because self employment isn't for everyone either, and I'm not saying it is) you may have to TRY HARDER. You may have to stay later, you may have to do the things you don't always want to, leave your phone in the car, talk to your boss even though he might get really really mad, or ultimately, you may have to look for other jobs in the bathroom and lie to go on interviews to get the hell out, and change your pants for them in your car in the commuter lot on the side of I-84.

You may have to do whatever the hell it takes because this is your one life. It's going to be uncomfortable. You won't like it. You'll cry and stay up thinking and panic and wonder and it would be easier to ignore it all and just keep on doing the same things. And you know what, most people do.

2) You're Too Worried About What Other People Will Say

One of the biggest stoppers of me just getting out of that job sooner, was wondering what other people would say when I did it. When people ask what you do, you're supposed to tell them that you work at XYZ and you do this there, and its OK, and that's that. I didn't want to tell people I was self employed or left my job, or I'm trying to be a designer. The looks they would give were ones of worry and fear almost like "Oh jeez, look for Tamara on the street corner when this fails soon......what is she, NUTS, she'll never get anywhere doing that, good thing I have a job, she must be seriously lazy!" And you know what, I still get those looks when I tell people what I do. I just don't care anymore and I don't let them stop me.  Because maybe I am crazy, I KNOW I'll fail at some things here and this will be hard. I do FAR MORE WORK NOW than I ever did at a company. Because I have to! I don't work, I DON'T have a preset amount of money coming to me. You better hustle. And that little bit of "fear" is what keeps me motivated. This is my life. Not my parents, not my friends, not some strangers. I have great support in my life. I have lots of savings. I wasn't downright stupid. But I don't care anymore about "the look" when I tell people what I do or that I quit. I just smile. Because thier opinions ultimatly don't matter in my life! Fancy that!

3) You Didn't Plan for Anything

The last reason you're not trying hard enough? You didn't plan on making serious long term changes to your life in the first place. If you want to make a change and you know it, start NOW. Maybe its not time to start looking for new jobs yet because you make a lot where you are. And you owe a lot. You bought a new house. A new car. You're having a baby. You have a serious addiction to crap you don't need. You think savings accounts are for rich people, or something. Welllllll you're really not trying hard enough then. It's time to go without. To cut the junk thats weighing you down. Think about the bigger picture of your life! You work at Arby's and you want to instead go back to school for nursing buttt you cant afford it with the 490594 bills you have. How bad do you want it? Bad enough to go without cable? Bad enough to ditch that fancy car and get something used? Bad enough to stop buying new clothes you'll never wear? 14 Venti lattes a week? Bad enough to stop by your local bank and see what this savings stuff is? You get my point. I didn't make much at that steady job. It wasn't even $30000 a year. I'll tell you that right now. But I saved nearly everything in that 6 yrs of working there. I don't own a TV. I almost never buy new clothes. I bought my car in cash. I share rent with someone. I don't subscribe to endless crap that sends a little bill in the mail every month. I have a prepaid smartphone. I buy food, gas and insurance and that's seriously IT. And you think I probably have no fun and I hate my life. I actually love my life. Love it. Love it so much. Because that stuff isn't the key to a happy existance. And I have a nice savings account and various other investments as well. I used Wikipedia to learn about some of them. My family and the bank taught me the rest. It was hard and no fun. But I knew I'd have to try if I wanted to see anything come of it.

I don't know your circumstances. These were just mine. I know I am lucky. You maybe have kids, or dependents, or something else that requires you to spend. Keyword: REQUIRES. Whatever your circumstances, I'm sure there is SOMETHING that you could do without. And you can ALWAYS do research to learn how to better yourself! Get on job boards, look for grants to get into schools, work with the situation you have. You can ALWAYS MAKE IT BETTER ALWAYS! Even I can today. There is SO MUCH I can do to grow my business. I'm STILL not trying hard enough. You aren't either. That said....time to wrap this up! Lots to do! Get to it!

Remember, you can always learn more about me and what I do at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com. I promise I'll try hard enough on your projects ;)

Travlin' Tam, Fancy Hotels, and Why YOU Need a Graphic Designer!

Happy Saturday everyone! Time for a little update from TMG and some more insight into what I do and why design is really so crucial!

Life isn't bad here....TMG  was based in the Sunshine State this past week. That's the cool thing about working for yourself....in some cases you can take your work with you. The other half had a business trip to Orlando, all expenses paid, staying at the Waldorf Astoria, sooooo why not?! I packed up the laptop and off we went. I found a nice place to set up office, and pretty much did what I'd do from CT, calls, emails, design work! Pretty sweet!

My Office Last Week!

And let me tell you, this hotel was something else. It was for the fancy schmancy rich. As is they open your car doors for you and there's lemon water and cucumber water in the water coolers. I was in for a shock one night when I came back to the room and there was jazz music on the TV, slippers laid out in front of the bed, chocolates on the pillow and the lights turned on and dimmed. Now I'm just a little carefree gym rat. I don't really own more than one dress, I walk around with my cell phone jammed in my sports bra half the time, and its not unusual to see me with my tongue in a Tupperware licking the last bits of Meal 3 out. So the whole thing weirded me out. I don't think I'd want "star treatment" even if I was a billionaire. I'd rather just be left to my own wonderfully sloppy devices. Although the luggage carrying service was great. I might be able to dead lift over 225 lbs for a few reps, but something about carrying luggage...I HATE IT. If they could just invent a motorized suitcase, I'd be all over that.

It was definitely a little piece of "the dream" to be able to work under the palm trees. But that doesn't mean its all fun and games, I had a lot to do! Running the biz is a lot more than just design! But a lot of people wonder, why is design important in the first place? Why even bother hiring a designer? I mean, most people have Publisher. Isn't that just as good? Well.....no. Not quite.

Say you have this crazy dream like mine. You wanna be your own boss, and you want to do it in real estate. You're all licenced up, you're set to go. I don't know much about real estate, but I do know that people dream of starting and running real estate companies. So you might be one of them, you're starting up. If you're like me, you aren't made of money. And start up gets pricey. You have legal mumbo jumbo, probably a building, office equipment to buy. You're going crazy putting all the "important stuff" together to start up. Then you realize you probably should have some kind of logo. But that's easy, who cares, you can do that later, you have Publisher.

Later comes pretty freaking soon, and you crack open Publisher. Your last name is Swan. You'll call your venture "Swan Real Estate". You bang out a logo. Good enough. You have so much else to do still!

Here's what you come up with: (NOTE!: These are REAL LOGOS that I pulled off  of Google by looking up "swan real estate". I didn't alter anything, and I DID NOT CREATE EITHER OF THESE EXAMPLES! These are real world examples!)

Hmmmm. How does that look? It's pretty simple. Self explanatory. Anddd totally obviously done in Publisher! Now this example seems pretty extreme, most logos aren't THIS bad.....but we can all think of some that ARE, seriously. This logo kind of says, you rushed. You didn't want to invest any of your start up capital into logo design, it wasn't really top priority. It looks thrown together. It looks hurried. It looks careless. It looks elementary. I could go on and on. Simply put, it looks bad. And you know what? Its the first thing people are going to see when they "meet" your business.

We all judge. Instantly. "Oh that lady is a lazy slob because her hair is frizzy and her pants are wrinkled." "Oh that man must be a real stuck up ahole, hes standing there in dockers and a cardigan sweater with a side part in his hair." "Oh that guy/girl is on steroids, he has muscles" (a personal fave ;) )

We all do it. Let's just not even try to deny it. Its the same thing with  your new business. All those things I said above about this logo? Hurried, rushed, cheap, careless, elementary. THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS. I don't care if you are the best businessperson on earth. I don't care if your plan is perfect. Your office spotless. You have every licence under the sun. I don't respect you. I don't respect you, because your logo sucks. Its like those judgements. It doesn't matter if slob lady is a millionaire and the nicest person you ever met. Looking at her, because she presents herself poorly, you assume shes about as lazy and smart as a log. Is it right? No. But it's true.

Now lets say, you understood all that already. You understood that your new business was going to need a seriously awesome logo. You know that it's the face of your organization, its going to speak to thousands of people for you before you ever open your mouth with any kind of pitch. You know people are judging EVERYTHING YOU DO based on that one logo. My gosh, it's even more important than having an office.

Because  you see that creating your public persona comes first, you invest in a designer. You leave Publisher closed. You know that this logo will go on everything you do. FOR YEARS. Even if you change it, this one will always be out there. People will remember it and associate it with you. They forgot your name in three seconds.....but that logo, they see it every time they pass your building or see your ads or someone wearing it. And it sticks. We are visual creatures. Everyone knows swoosh means Nike. Everyone knows that dinky yellow flower thing means Wal-Mart.

So anyhow, you pay a graphic designer to create a logo for you. After a few rounds of revisions, you end up with this: (AGAIN pulled off Google when looking up simply "swan real estate" as a fun experiment!)

When I see this one, it doesn't take long for me to notice that this one wasn't whipped up in ten minutes. Thought went into it. And I KNOW hours and hours of thought went into your new business. This one isn't overly crazy or busy, but its clean. It's got a couple catch phrases to show what you do, and make you stand out from the 4950 other companies like yours. Its got a sophisticated aire to it, just like the image you want to project for your company. You can pull the catchphrases out for a simpler look for some publications if you want to. It has options. It looks professional.

Now YOU look professional. So what if I walk into your office, and theres papers everywhere, a day old ham sandwich between files with mayo adhering your invoices together. So what if you don't even HAVE your real estate licence?! (Please don't be that stupid......!) Point is, your logo speaks to me before I know whats underneath. And it's telling me you put time and a little coin into it. You made an investment. You care. You think things out. You're professional. You will do all those things for me, if I become your client. I go with you. I trust you. Yup. TRUST. That's the main point here is to build that impression, build that trust.

It's so easy to get so lost in what you think is important when you start (or even continue!) your business. It probably IS all important stuff. But you hate to be judged for your look, your clothes, your "impression". I know you do. I do. So why let your business be judged poorly for its logo? Your logo is your business or organization's "clothes". Dress up!!

It's like the fancy Waldorf Astoria. Their cucumber water and fake smiley people are trying to impress me. And it does. Granted, its over the top. Maybe a nice Hilton would hit me just right. But let me tell you, Joe's Motel with the front gutter hanging upside down and rust stains and peeling paint isn't going to give me a lot of confidence that I can sleep there in comfort......Or without catching crabs.

So, as a designer, that's what I do. I make Joe's Motel a place you want to stay. Because even if he hasn't washed the bedsheets since Clinton was in office and the only cucumbers on the property are in the form of Vlasic jarred pickles, hes gonna have a damn good logo on the front of that thing. And that just might be enough to make you check on in, and fork over some green for a 48 year old mattress and a couple stray crabs.

If you want to revamp YOUR existing logo, (weather you made it in Publisher or worse....Paint!) I'm always available to help! Visit me at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com or email me at tamaramorrisongraphics@gmail.com for a free consult!!

Hanging up the Real Pants.....Big Changes for TMGraphics!!

So one day, perusing quotes online (because I'm seriously the type of weirdo that does that...no seriously!) I came across some quote by this man, Paulo Coelho, and ever since then, I've been kind of obsessed. I'm pretty sure every thought this guy has is genius. And no, I haven't read any of his books yet, its bad but I only read books once a year....on long flights. Better get booking one then, right?

Anyways, Tamara Morrison Graphics is now my full time job. As of last week. As in I don't work for anybody else right now, and I am going to do whatever I gotta do to keep it that way. And reading enough quotes by this guy, reassures me that I'm NOT entirely crazy.

Sometimes I still wonder if I'm crazy. You might too. You probably work somewhere, in a building, with set hours and fluorescent lights and rules about cellphone use and what time is appropriate to call your doctor and schedule your yearly colonoscopy. And you probably need to wear pants. Dammit, now that's the hardest part right there.

Now this isn't some fluffy dream story about following your passion and quitting your damn corporate job to knit blankets out of alpaca wool in the desert while riding on the backs of pink unicorns while money flies of out their asses and into your bank account. AIN'T GON HAPPEN. Sorry.

I've been planning to be a designer since.....well since forever. I went to school for it. My dad has been telling me I'd someday have my own design business since I was 16. I thought that was absurd. Who would want to sit at home all day with no friends and no shiny desk and no pants. What kind of life was THAT going to be??? So I insisted I get an office job, so that I might become important. I stopped designing. I didn't even open Illustrator or Photoshop for a couple years. Because I was super important. I pulled staples, and scanned files, and picked up phones with a fake cheery voice. But for someone who was and always will be creative, it got intolerable. Fast. I realized it would not, and could not go beyond this for me. I didn't go to school for anything fancy. I wasn't going to go applying for $50000 a year jobs and getting them.....or if I did...liking them. Same office, bigger nameplate. It wasn't for me.

Somewhere in there, I DID start my design business, but it was small and rough going, when you miss every client call because....well cellphone use is monitored. Email is blocked. You can't meet anyone because you're wasting away on Facebook mobile sneakily in the corner, heart racing every time the bosses go by. So step one happened. I left. I left what most people would consider "stable". It wasn't a lot of money, but it was THERE unless the corporate headquarters burned, every week. No matter if I sat on Facebook or invented a machine that regenerated brain tissue. Same amount. Always.

I left for a shakier bridge, but a bridge nonetheless. It had less hours, and more flexibility. And Tamara Morrison Graphics grew. I should say, it STARTED. With more time, and the bulk of it being during the day, I could call people, meet people, email people!! The difference was very clear. And for a while, it worked. Dream life by day, drone by night. Then the night got well, darker. Usual dramatics ensued that always occur in a place where people work daily for money and not much else. Rules tightened, for reasons which I could not logically see. At the same time, there was nothing to do. I perused Facebook and Instagram and watched the clock mercilessly. I snuck in client emails. I got caught. I snuck in client phone calls......andddd parking lot meetings. I didn't get caught. But I felt like a drug dealer at a couple of those sneak meetings!

Now I believe strongly, that life and guts show us the way long before logic does. Most people don't listen. Most people accept things, or create the opposite of what would get them the life they desire, whether its by choice or subconsciously.

One lovely day I realized, my current employment situation was NOT going to work, for reasons we don't need to get into. But I knew I had to jump ship.... before it sunk. So I saw another ship floating past and I jumped. That ship looked rickety at best, but I ignored that. Even though I knew that one too, would sink. I got another mediocre job.

This one proved to be an even greater lie and inconvenience. The hours were nothing like what I was told they would be, and would have put me back at square one ( below it actually, less money!), with no time to meet clients, take calls, or emails. I had a client meeting that following day for an awesome opportunity....that I would have to cancel. AGAIN. For a near minimum wage (yup that low) job. Because they couldn't tell me my hours until mere moments before I had to work them, via text message, despite asking countless times. So that was it. Every fiber in my body calmly told me to just let it go. Leave, go be a freaking graphic designer. Equally mediocre jobs will always be there if needed. Go to that meeting. Get that job.Win that client. I was dying to put my entire self into making this happen. So I typed an email to the captain of that rickety ship saying I would not be in the next day. My best friend of 8 years and biggest supporter Kevin hit send FOR me when I hesitated. It was a done deal. I was living my dream starting 6 AM tomorrow. I went to my meeting, and I got my client.

It has been not even two weeks. I've never worked so hard in my life. I don't look at the clock. I don't go on Facebook. I don't need to. I am 100% fully absorbed in what I am doing. I think its called passion, and hustle.

I saved a lot of money in the six years I spent at home working full time in an office. I don't have kids. I have the best living partner and family in the world. I am SO LUCKY. I know everyone doesn't have the same opportunities. Believe me, I know. And I know this isn't going to be easy. I am scared. I am nervous. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

But if you want something, you will do whatever it takes and you won't think twice. You won't complain. I work weekends now. I work nights. Both of which I hated with passion and still would at any job. I work every second that I'm not in the gym, my other raging passion, but that's for another post. But what is work? I mean this is all I want to do. I don't want to watch TV. I don't want to go to the bar every night. I want to go to Florida and lay under a palm tree, and design. And next week, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I don't know you. I don't know your dreams or your circumstances. I don't know if the reason you aren't doing what you really want is valid. (Or maybe you ARE, in that case, awesome!! ) But you, inside, you know. ANYONE can get somewhere better. Realize it won't be perfect, it won't be easy and it might be stupid in other people's eyes at first. But who cares. This life is yours. Start planning. Do ONE LITTLE BITTY THING every single damn day. Fill out that application. Call that client, hang up that ad, get off your thrown built of excuses. You're not trying hard enough. I have by noooo means "made it". But I have never tried so hard for ANYTHING before.

A client put it well to me last week as we talked about our mutual passions, fitness and business. She said after a great lifting workout, you don't SEE anything, no change right then. But there are thousands of microscopic tears in your muscles. Eventually, those muscles rebuild. Again and again. And then you start to see the changes from your efforts. You start to see growth. That's why going to the gym once won't do a damn thing. But going every day even when you are sure its hopeless, and progress HAS to happen.

And it already is, for me. It will for you too. You will fail with 100% certainty if you change nothing in your life. But as long as you do one tiny thing daily, 100% failure is NOT a promise. Its always a chance, but there's a chance you will get somewhere, too. So I will keep making tiny tears in this each day and build it up. And it will hurt and it will be hard and I will worry and panic and cry and celebrate and suffer and fail and rejoice and I will live to the fullest of my ability. And of course the best part? You guessed it, if (no WHEN) this all works out, I will never have to wear real pants again.

Follow my journey, and of course hit me up for all your graphic design needs!! :)

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