Friends Till The End.....Why Don't We Have More?

Every now and again, you find yourself at a funeral. Sad music, sad people, weird clothes. A body on display like a turkey on the Thanksgiving table, except you're not sure if you should look or not. Can the deceased hear you? Are they really dead? What's dead like? 

Who will be there?

I found myself in such a situation, when my then boyfriend, now fiance's grandfather passed a few years back. I sat with the family, looped in a solemn horseshoe formation around the casket as people paid their last respects.

As I watched everyone pass, I couldn't help but feel suddenly, overwhelmingly out of place. Here I was, only having known the man for the past five years, yet I was front and center for the last moments of his time above ground.

I wanted to be there, wanted to support my boyfriend, but I wondered, was this who he expected to be left standing when he died? Would he be disappointed with this turnout? Did I even deserve to be here?

In 70 plus years of life, just think of all the people he'd known. From his first friends in grade school, to high school, his first job, former girlfriends, bosses, people he'd met doing sports, the list goes on and on and on.

And at the very end, here was me and a few other people. And this is who and what it'd all come down to.

That got me thinking about how sad and how scary it is, that we can all count on one hand the people who TRULY care about us. We go through people in our lives like we do coffee filters, and the time we take to brew each relationship before we change that filter, seems to be getting increasingly shorter.

How many people have you lost? No I don't mean they died, I mean simply "lost touch" with? Not because you wanted to or should have (that's a whole different story) but simply because you nor they could be bothered to continue to hold the relationship together? Your best friend in elementary school, do you still talk? Your college roommate? The person you met in zumba class and went to dinner with a few times?

Our relationships these days seem like a revolving door. We meet because we have something in common, be it work, hobbies, classes, mutual friends, whatever. We talk, we bond, we hang out, and then slowly, slowly, we talk less. We stop hanging out. Someone moves. Lives change. And soon we don't talk anymore at all. All those little things we told each other no longer even matter. We didn't mean enough to each other to withstand the heavy pull of life.

And I have to admit, sometimes it breaks my heart.

How many times have we become close to someone for a time, telling them every detail of our day to day lives, only to have it fade away as though we'd barely met at all?

Perhaps this is a natural part of life, and we're only meant to know some people for a very short time. They might come into our lives to help us with a problem or solve an issue, and for nothing more. But sometimes, maybe it would be nice to forge more friendships that would last until the end of our lives.

Not fancy, hang out every second friendships, but friendships that you could pick up right where you left off, friends that will be there for you no matter what happens friends that love you. We all have a few like that. Why cant we have more?

Relationships, like everything worth having in life, take work. We seem to want to do less and less work. It's easier to simply stop working to be a good friend and find someone else that fits our current needs. People and things change, and its easier to go out and find replacements than to work on what we already have, and add to it.

I'm guilty of holding onto strings better left to fray. When I befriend someone I try to give it my all, but I can say the only people who haven't let me down are a couple of my girls and my fiance. Probably good that I'm marrying him then!! ;)

Everyone else turns out to be somewhat of a letdown, They stop talking to me suddenly or slowly, they fade away without reason, they lose interest in working for a friendship. It makes me sad. But I know that I am not alone. I see it happen everywhere, with everyone. I'm sure I'm guilty of being the letdown at least once, too.

Naturally, that's made me less sensitive to people that talk to me. "New friends" if you will. I am always happy to get to know people but I don't expect much to come of it. I don't expect them to remember me when I'm 75, or 45, or in many cases, 30.

What does this teach us? To always embrace ourselves and our independence. The things that keep me happy I've learned to find within myself, my design, my work, my goals. Fitness. My dogs. People are additions to your life, and shouldn't ever become your reason to exist, or your motivation to go for those things you want for yourself.

Perhaps you must let them fall in and out of your life, maybe that's how its supposed to be. Perhaps life is meant to be lived meeting, loving and losing as many friends as we can.

That doesn't mean it isn't sad when we realize someone we used to (or still do) care about has stopped talking to us slowly. That doesn't make it any easier when we leave a job and we never see the person we spent day in and day out with, ever again.

What if it didn't have to be that way? What if we put a little more effort into telling the people that we want in our lives, that we want them there? Or better yet, showing them. What would we have to lose? I'm not talking about horrible exes, or mean bosses, or former friends who turned into something we don't even want to know anymore.

No I'm talking about those silent faders, where nothing ever went wrong, nothing really changed, but the friendship ended because no one put in the effort. Those are the saddest losses, those are the ones that make us wonder if anyone truly cares about us at all.

So...... go out there, weather it be in your personal life or your business life, and send an old friend a message. Meet up. Tell your current friends they mean something, and don't allow them to fade without any negative reason for doing so. Cut people slack. Forgive minor imperfections and offenses.

Put in some damn effort. Just like you should with your professional life, your spouse, your kids your health and your pets. Put in some effort and care a little bit.

Someday that's gonna be you. Laying in that coffin. When all is said and done who is going to be there to remember you and what you meant in your time here? Assuming they haven't passed before you of course, who will be able to say they really knew you through a big portion of this thing called life?

Who will you support throughout this life, who do you want there. There's never a wrong time to remind them of that. Remind them now. Before the sad music and the weird clothes and the coffin thing.

Before its too late.

You Are Not a Tree. Show the World Who You Are.

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

I think it does. I think it makes the same sound it would if it were surrounded by a crowd of people.

But you read the quote. No one is around to hear it. No one cares. No one will come chop the tree up into logs. No one will plane the logs down into boards. No one will build a chair or a table or a baby crib out of that tree. It doesn't matter if it's among the finest Mahogany in the country. It will rot, marred by maggots and larvae, unseen and forgotten into the ground.

It could have been so many wonderful things.

Like all trees do, it began as a seed sailing on a puffy little cloud, or some happy crap like that. (More than likely, it was stuck to a fox's left ass cheek, and was carried a couple of miles before dropping off.) It found a comfy place to live, and it put down roots. Because its a tree, it cant put a for sale sign out, call for a U-Haul and move. It would be stuck there for the rest of its life. It would have to wait for people to find IT to determine it was worthy of being made into something.

Good news.You are not a tree! You can move wherever you want. You can interact with whomever you want. You can be made into whatever you want.

Of course there's always gonna be that crowd that wants to sit home in their pajamas and is content working at the 7-11 for the rest of their lives. Key word: wants. Getting by doing the minimum is enough for them, seriously. But what if that's not you?

What if you want to start a company, what if you want to create art seen around the world, what if you want to be a pro athlete or create a clothing line or increase awareness and raise money to cure a disease? You can't be the unseen tree. And you can't be scared to rip yourself up by the roots.

You need to be everywhere. People often think its bragging, or gloating about themselves if they continue to promote to the world what they do well. We all know that asshole on social media that posts 3040 selfies of everything they do and every other post says "F#*K the haterssss!"  But just WHY does that person bother you and I so much, you fellow hater?

No its not because you're jealous. You're actually, seriously nauseated by their content. It's because their content isn't real. Everything's always perfect. They never get upset, or fail or have a bad day, or fart in a crowd and blame someone else, or fail to wash their hair for six days. You, unfortunately, can't relate to them. You fail often and forget to be perfect. Therefore, you wish they would just go away. They don't make you feel good about yourself. They make you feel bad. Why would you buy what they're selling or support them in their missions?

The people and businesses you look up to and ultimately buy from and support make you feel great. They share not only the good, but the bad. They make noise and its real. They put themselves out there flaws and all. You can relate, it feels like you know them. You'd buy sawdust in a package from them because even if  you've never met them, they're your friends, and you trust your friends.

So there's good noise and bad noise. And then there's no noise. We all know that artist that THINKS no one will like his work so he hides it in his closet, even though he's the most amazing thing you've ever seen. Or that great writer who was told by someone that publishing a book is unreasonable and stupid, so they put that dream on the shelf and stayed silent. Or that ice cream shop whose owner doesn't know or care how to use a computer, so they aren't on any social media. No one knows they make the best banana split for 50 miles.

You're good at something and you have dreams. Whether you think you'll ever get there or not, you don't stand a chance if you don't put it out there. Social Media has made it easier than ever to share with the world what those are, and to remain humble. Don't spam people or be fake and perfect. Be real. Be someone they can know without ever having met you. People go with what they know and hear consistently. They support it, they think of it often, they buy from it.

Be in people's heads. Not screaming spammy crap, but be there for what you're good at and for who you are. Don't be afraid to be imperfect and don't be afraid to be really good at something and tell the world. You're good at it because it was meant for you and you love it. You're going to mess up a LOT because you're human.

You're not a tree. You can do whatever it takes to succeed. Email everyone you know and be yourself. Do it again a couple months later. Talk to people, meet people. Walk up to them even though you have no idea what to say. You'll look stupid. You will. You'll feel stupid. Deal with it. Anyone who got anywhere, dealt with it. It'll separate you from everyone that quit.

There's so many cool people out there, with cool examples and inspiration. Whatever it is you want to do, someone probably already did similar. Find out how and then do it better.

Talent is worth nothing if no one knows you have it and you're too scared to use it. Its yours, go own it before its too late. Be the tree that grows next to the Eiffel tower, not in the middle of Montana. Make sure everyone hears you when you fall.


For graphic design and help with YOUR social media for business as always check out www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com :-)

Cut the Crap, Nothing's Perfect!

There are some citizens of North Korea that believe their Dear Leader doesn't have an asshole. That's right, they believe he's a God. Gods don't eat leftover sushi that's been in the fridge one day too long and spend the next seven hours on the porcelain throne begging for mercy.

But...... I do.

And so you do. 

The "Dear Leader" of North Korea, Kim Jong-un. Yes, he sh$#s!

So many of us only portray to the outside world what we WANT to look like. What we want everyone to see. We Facebook  and Instagram about our super cool awesome lives.

Our big move to Texas. Our engagement to the perfect person. Our new baby. Our 20 lbs weightloss. We look damn near like we're living the dream to all our adoring "fans" that scroll by our content. We hope secretly, in some twisted way, that someone will be jealous of us and the awesomeness that spills from our carefully presented personalities. And they are. Just like YOU get a twinge of envy when you see the supposedly perfect lives of those around you.

But here's what you don't know. That girl that moved to Texas can't find a good job and misses her family more than she thought she would. That perfect couple had a big fight the other night and sometimes they can't freaking stand each other. That new baby kept mom up all night and while shes happy, shes tired and sometimes she misses her old life and just wants to go for drinks with friends. That girl that lost 20 lbs was only eating a few crackers and coffee for three months to get there. You see where I'm going.

It's all lies and exaggerations. All these people you thought were so awesome, struggle too.

I'm guilty of that in part myself. I've been doing great, no seriously great (not lying!) with my business. As I approach a year of doing this on my own, I really can't ask for a lot more. It's been a crazy ride of learning and figuring out what the hell I'm doing!

But waittttt isn't one of my other passions fitness? Didn't I used to pick up heavy shit and put it down and compete on a stage wearing about 18 square inches of glittered blinged out fabric? Yeah. That was indeed me.

Anyone that knows me knows that with me, its 110% or its 0%. There IS no moderate, no in between.

Right now my kitchen's a mess. I think maybe, there's a new species breeding in the sink. I've stepped over my pants from Monday on the floor about 3040 times. That's the kitchen floor. I don't know how they got there. (Get your mind out of the gutter!) That's my 0%.

And then, there was fitness. For the last two years, I've ran hill sprints until I fell over and lifted weights for nearly 3 hours a day 6 days a week. Ran up the stair master until I looked like I'd just been dragged through a swamp for an hour. I starved and ignored it and stuffed a family sized bag of spinach into my face to fill the space where chocolate ice cream should have gone once and a while.

And I loved it. I loved pushing unbelievably hard and doing what most people would have given up on a long long ago. Competing in what is arguably the hardest sport in the world, propelled me to quit my job and start a business and push like hell for THAT too. Don't want to go sell yourself to strangers? Think of it like cardio! Put the blinders on and just go do it. Don't think. Do. You will finish. There is no other way. That was my mentality and still is when I want something.

But unfortunately unlike in business, the body has a point of diminishing returns on the work and time invested into it. After I stepped off that stage it slowly hit me. I was so sick of being hungry. I was sick of eating spinach. I was sick of being cold. I was sick of my hair thinning and having wacked out hormones. I was sick of being tired all the time. I was just sick.

That in no way should discourage anyone else from getting in shape or even competing as healthfully as they can, by the way. I'll say it again, I was EXTREME. I dieted for two years with no break. If someone was walking for cardio I had to run. If someone was lean I had to get leaner. If someone was lifting a lot I had to lift more, for longer duration. I had to do everything the hard way just to say that I could.

My 110% effort was suddenly bringing me down. I had no choice but to finally eat more and to lay off my insane workouts. I worked out like a normal person. I did a little easy cardio. I ate a lot of food. And my veins and cuts disappeared and the scale approached ghastly numbers.

I hated it. I knew I needed it but after being the Mayor of Shredsville for two years, I had  to get on the bus to Normalville and move away. I packed my bags ( most of which was packed into my ass, thank goodness!) and became a "normal fit girl".

It's freaking weird. As far as fitness right now I'm a moderate and balanced normal girl. I lift. I eat ice cream. I feel freaking great. But I'm not this shredded up little freak right now. And I would be lying if I said I don't miss it. It was different. It got compliments.  And yes, It got me business.

Business is one thing where I don't think it will hurt me to give my 110%. And I will continue to do just that. Ain't no one else going to get to the top of this game for me. That too, is really freaking scary and hard. And sometimes, yeah I cry over it. I'm human, just like you.

The point of this little tale is just that. Everyone has this highlight reel that they display, be it over social media, or in person when they talk about their lives. When things don't go perfectly, we don't often share. I've all but stopped posting to my fitness Instagram admittedly, because why? Shall I go "Oh here is me "undoing" all my hard work and failing! Look at this!" I just don't think anyone would find that very mentally inspiring, coming from a purely fitness standpoint.

Still I have nothing to hide about anything that I struggle with. Anything you see me do was certainly backed by struggle and tears and difficulty. Don't ever let those things make you feel like you shouldn't keep going when you have a goal.

Don't ever say "oh but so-and-so built an empire overnight while frolicking through daisies, so why the hell can't I?" No, so-and-so failed and cried and lost and messed up and sucked at life some days.

You just didn't see it because Instagram had them on the beach in Hawaii sipping a mixed drink. In reality, their mom paid for the trip because they were broke and not pictured is the boyfriend that dumped them a week before.

So yeah, I suck. Man I really, really suck. I'm totally lost at what to do sometimes in my business, I didn't even know how to eat enough food for two years, I yell at my fiancee over stupid things and I never fold laundry. Ever.  But I'm not going to let those things stop me from going for what I want 100%. And failing harder. Anything worth going for is going to be riddled with failure. There isn't a way around that. None. So may as well keep on screwing up.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see what leftovers I can find in the fridge. I wish I could report that nothing ever makes me sick from in there, but unfortunately, last week, something did. I don't seem to be missing an exit like the leader of North Korea. Guess that means, I am only human, and I may indeed be visiting the porcelain throne later. How's that for today's highlight reel!

The Dog Ate My Life Checklist.....Peace Out 2014

I don't remember a whole lot about this time last year, except that I still drove a 99 Pontiac Grand Am, and I wanted my hair to grow out terribly badly after hacking wayyyy too much of it off in the summer. 

I worked as a front desk receptionist, and I had recently discovered Walden Farms no calorie pancake syrup, and cookie dough Quest Bars, which altered my life forever.

Doesn't sound that exciting. Because, it wasn't.

But then came 2014. And I'm realizing now just how much things have really changed for me. 

I'm sitting here typing this at 3:59 on a Tuesday, after a killer leg workout with a good friend. I have a crazy, insane, perhaps slightly possessed 7 month old puppy at my feet. She's chomping away at a pig ear, and five seconds later she moves to a rubber bone, and five seconds after that shes running 4094 laps around the coffee table like Satan himself is chasing her.

Meet Bailey, just one big change in 2014! 

 

I have Photoshop and Illustrator open on my computer, and both contain art files that people are actually paying me to create. I have spreadsheets open with profit and loss and expense statements. (And I did math to get them.) I have a dinner date with one of my oldest friends later. And yeah, I'm wearing sweatpants. 

Unbelievably to myself, I'm not dead! I'm not broke! I'll max out my IRA this year, and I can still afford peanut butter! 

Looking back, I guess this was one of the most "successful" years of my life. This was the year I started making my dream life a reality. But it's been the hardest year too. 

I've said I QUIT to a job with nothing at all lined up. I've met more strangers than I can even count. I've gone to networking meetings, and stood up in front of crowds to pitch my services, and try to explain my passion for design in 30 words or less.

I've walked into more businesses, wearing really uncomfortable pants and blouses and heels to talk to people who've never met me before and sell them on my offerings. I got a lot of freaking no's. And blank stares. And nice brush offs.

And I got some yesses.

I made an idiot out of myself on more than one occasion. I didn't always have the right thing to say, or the right props to pull out to impress them. 

I've sat there in tears because no one was emailing me back, no one was ordering anything. I've sat there in tears because everyone was ordering everything all at once. 

It's been hard.... yet not hard enough. Next year I want this to be bigger, better, faster, stronger. Every single day, I go to sleep feeling like I haven't done anywhere NEAR enough. And I think it's going to be that way for the rest of my life. I think that little nagging voice is what keeps me going where others would stop. 

I think you can find that voice too. 

We don't need a new year to start a new way of living, but its a convenient marker in time. Too many of us simply go through the motions, check off the neat little boxes. College, job, meet perfect person, house, dog, kids, retirement, die. How many people stop to think if it's what they REALLY want? What if you want to move to Bangladesh with your pet hedgehog, stay single and live in a tent? Why not? This life is YOURS. If half that list is already checked, and you don't want to check off any more neat little boxes, rip the thing up and burn it. It's not too late. Put the house up for sale. Start a business training donkeys from your tent on the beach in Hawaii. So what if everyone says you're crazy.

Be crazy. Save money. Do the research. Do so much research. Then do what it takes. 

Stop checking off the boxes and start making 2015 the year YOU go for what you really want. I want even more. More experiences, more meetings, more cool projects, more chances to inspire you, more trips, more huge freaking mistakes and eff-ups that show me what I need to improve upon. Bring it.

Rip up that list. You can't take it with you when you go. You can't take anything. Not the money in the bank, not the house, not the car. Leave behind some cool stories for the people who knew you to tell. 

Leave knowing you used up all your spins around the sun to the fullest. It's like a game show. You only get so many turns before you go bankrupt and the game's over.

Start now.

Self Employment = Sweatpants? Yup.....That Almost Happened

Why is it, that when people blog, they always seem to drop off the face of the earth after a time?

Most people just get bored of it maybe, or cant find the time. The time part was I suppose, some of the reason I had stopped. It didn't seem the best use of my time to be writing, when I SHOULD be out looking for work, and doing the work I did have. But maybe, its not a waste of time, because people are reading and connecting. If I want to run a business, connecting matters.

You're nosy. You want to know what other people are doing. You secretly want to know how you stack up compared. You want to look at someone else's life and be like "Damn, well that sucks, I feel better about MYself." Or, "Damn, that person is doing so much while I'm sitting here watching reruns of 90's sitcoms eating Chubby Hubby out of the pint."

Because you're nosy, you read. Because you read, you remember me and you learn what I do, who I am, and you feel like you know me.

Maybe somewhere in my life, in the chaos of everything that I do, and that you do, we have something in common. I'm sure of it. But until you get to know me, I'm just another face on the street, another car in traffic that didn't pull out fast enough, another person to wait behind in line at the supermarket. I am nothing. You are nothing. And we both forget that we are all human and all trying for something in this life.

Well.....that was deep, but anyways, I suppose another reason I did not blog for a while was, that I wasn't always some shining star of perfection going forward in starting my biz, and I didn't want anyone to know. Cliche, right? But honest.

Shortly after my last entry in July, I hit my first realization that......all my income now relies on me. It was a normal morning, and I was paying my credit card bill online, like I always do every month. And suddenly something clicked when I looked in one of my bank accounts and it was down, and that particular account had nothing coming into it.......

Now you might be like well, yeah, duh, you stopped working a normal job! That account was the one I had always put that money from my part time job into, and I have another for my biz income. So naturally, the cash would stop flowing into that account.

But that morning...it just.....hit. HARD. My stomach rose into my throat and I couldn't even breathe for a second. There was nothing coming into that account. It would deplete to nothing. My thoughts raged in a catastrophic direction. "What if I never get another customer? What if I use ALL of my savings? 75% of my money is invested and I can't touch it. I'm almost out of peanut butter, I don't deserve to buy another jar!  WHAT IF I HAVE TO LIVE ON THE STREETS?! "

With that, in a zombie like state, I remember walking outside in my pajamas mind you, and sitting on the back stoop and just crying. This was IT. I'd made a huge mistake.

I remember calling my dad next, pretending I had a question about my computer or something, but all I really wanted was for him to tell me what to do. He's always my rock for stuff like that. I don't listen to many people. I always listen to him.

He told me what I already knew. First off, take the emotions out of it or you'll just drown in them. Are you going to run a business or a soap opera? Second off, this IS SUPPOSED TO BE HARD. You cannot, CANNOT sit around and wait for it to come to you because it never ever will. You always think you'll be different, and special, and awesome, but hey guess what..... you're NOT.

Nobody cares. Work harder.

With that I put on real pants. Yup. Itchy, restrictive pants with a real zip up fly. I went out and around to local businesses and met with people. Was it uncomfortable? Sure. Did it work? Immediately, no of course not. But its building a network that WILL work in the future. Its knowing people. It's getting in their heads.

You're not getting into anyone's head by laying in your penguin print pajamas in  your backyard in July. But you might cause your neighbors to consider calling an institution for you.....

It was July, but that didn't keep these penguins indoors!

I still find for me, fitness is a huge salvation, mentally as well as physically. The two are so similar. Everyday I eat and train and I look no different immediately after. But look back five years and its TOTALLY different. Those tiny efforts everyday add up. If I didn't make those efforts, that would add up too. And I'd get nowhere.

It's the same thing in business. If I do nothing, I will surely get no where. But if I do a million little things, even when I don't want to and I'm sure its a waste, I have no choice but to move forward.

And I have. My bank accounts haven't emptied. I've scored some pretty sweet projects and some steady projects too. I am NO WHERE NEAR where I want to be, but this is only my sixth month of doing this. And there IS no end to what you can do when you want something. It will NEVER be enough, ever. You can always work harder.

So, I am back. I had a rough patch over the summer where I questioned my entire existence, pretty much. You're probably laughing because you knew it would come. But I did too! I knew some points would be utter crap. And I accepted that. Life will always get better, and worse again, and better again.

I'm not perfect! I didn't wake up and find success. Most mornings I wake up and find my hair in a knot and an undying need to pee, just like everyone else.

As I sit here, ironically, in my penguin pajamas (hey at least its Saturday, and its actually cold OK?), I'm going to tell you, being a graphic designer working for myself is hands down THE hardest thing I've ever done.

But there's no way I'm going to give up on it that easily. I'm lucky enough for the circumstances to even let me follow my magical unicorn path. Damn freaking lucky. You might not be that lucky. But that doesn't mean you cant start somewhere, try something, however small.

The biggest risk is the one not taken. You're gonna have horrible, crappy, awful no good days where you swear your alone and an idiot and this is ridiculous. And you're going to have stellar, amazing days where you are positive you are the most awesome successful person and your life freakin rocks.

Neither will last. Id rather fly way high and crash way low than live a string of mediocre days. However you live your days, it is 100% certain you only get to live them once.

Make it count.

You Got a Fast Car.....Until It Gets Hit By A Mack Truck!

I drive a VW Beetle. We met one day back in February. It was in the middle of that cold streak, where it hurts to go outside but you're so sick of wearing the same stupid three coats, that you just wear a sweatshirt for something different, because, you wont need to be like, OUT in that cold for more than thirty seconds at a clip right?

If your car breaks suddenly and irreparably, and you need to go car shopping immediately, you might have wished you were wearing that coat. That was the situation I was faced with that day, my seventeen billion year old Pontiac Grand Am whom I'd purchased for $800 four years earlier, had finally made an abrupt, but predictable exit to the big junkyard in the sky. Having to work my normal job in the morning, I needed a car ASAP. My dad and uncle knew someone who knew someone who knew someone that sold cars, so off we went for a deal hunt.

Everyone who knows me knows I HATE spending money. I cling to money like Jack and Rose cling to that door in the last scene in Titanic. Some people collect hockey cards. I like to collect money. I just love to watch it grow. So the news of needing a brand spanking new car didn't really delight me, although I knew it was coming for some time.

The guy at the car place showed me a sheet with all the cars, and my eyes were looking for price first and ugly factor right after. Jeep? Meh too boxy. Buick? HEEEELLLL no, I'd had enough boat cars for a lifetime after my first Pontiac Bonneville. Beetle? Well, it was cute! And the cheapest thing on the lot. I was sold. I went out to meet her. It was love at first site when she looked up at me with those giant headlights, she looked so happy! (so what if Beetles stemmed from Hitler, they look so darn cute) I drove the car off the lot that day for $6000 cash. Ok, I didn't drive it, it was standard, and Id never driven standard at the time and had no idea how. But I like a challenge, I'll get into that story another time.

Anyways, I had several people in the last few days ask me how I think I can do what I love and ever have any money. No, right now, two months into doing this full time, I don't make "crazy good money". There used to be a time when I would pour over stats published about how much people in my industry are supposed to make, and how much average people make, and do I measure up?!?! Then I realized something. I ain't average. And I don't even want to be, so why worry about averages?! I have everything I need and want right now....and the point is that's different for everyone, and for 90% of that, you have total control over your life design. With the exception of medical emergencies and the like, YOU control how you set up your life. Forget stats ok? Because they are just that, AVERAGES. YOU might be the one that doesn't fit with that.

Think of crash test ratings. You spend hours looking for the perfect forty seven star frontal crash test rated minivan with side air bags, ceiling air bags, arm rest airbags, airbags in the cupholders and windows that you cant open from the inside unless you're cleared with the CIA, lest someone fall out mid cruise. You're going along on the highway, and Bob the truck driver fell asleep after one too many hours on the road. Hes crossing the median. He's got 20 huge steel pipes in his truck. You know where this is going. No cupholder airbag could have stopped that beam from taking you straight out in this case. Behind your supervan, was Joe. Joe drives a 1995 Geo Prizm. It has a negative 40 star crash test rating. Did they even put airbags in that thing? Joe slams into your van. Metal pipes come within inches of his head. Joe should be dead. But Joe walks, yup walks away from the crash. You're dead. Crash test ratings and averages, made zero difference here. This was a unique situation. The angle of the crash was just so that Joe walked out without a scratch. And you didn't. You're dead.

He lived, you didn't?! How's THAT for averages?

The point here is averages don't guarantee, promise, or mean, ANYTHING really. Fortunately, you have a bit more control over your life design than you do over your life on the road. People ask me how I live? I don't spend thoughtlessly. I don't have a TV. I buy new clothes rarely, I have MORE clothes than I know what to do with. I do my own hair. I paint my own nails. I am blessed with no loan payments, because owning a business was a plan I considered WAY back in high school with my family. I don't have kids. I live in a place where the rent isn't high, and I share it with someone. My cars have all been used and bought in cash. My biggest expense is food, because that's also the one "hobby" I've chosen to pursue.

Ok, I know what you're thinking. What a loser, God shes boring, her life must be so boring and absolutely suck, she has NOTHING, I have so much more, what does she DO with her time?! You'd be wrong on all counts, in my eyes. I am rarely bored. I don't care about TV at all, I forget it exists actually. In my free time, I work out because I love it, I research working out, I research and read online, I talk to my boyfriend and friends, I go outside. And oh yeah, I build my design biz. Because I want that. Because I KNOW I cant support five kids and a BMW and yacht on what I make now. NO WAY. But I'VE CHOSEN THAT.

You might choose different. You might want kids, more than you want to not work a "stable" job. You might be ok with spending all week away from the huge house you have to keep paying on. You might be ok with that big cable TV bill. That is entirely your choice. But don't just have things, because stats and society says you have to have things.

Do you WANT to pay for 7000 channels a month? Can you think of something better you might be able to do with your time here than lose it to fake story lines? Can you find a couple things you want to watch online for free? Can you drive a car because it gets you somewhere, not because its shiny and new? Do you need to spend hours working to pay for someone to coat your fingernails in plastic? Can you live in a cute little place that you made all yours, not caring who it impresses? Do you really want to start a family at this time? Can you still get a good workout in with $12 TJMaxx headphones instead of $300 dollar Beats? You get what I'm saying.

Of course some things will ALWAYS be beyond our control, as is the case with the metal pipes on that truck. You may fall ill, a surprise child might come along, your house might burn down. NO ONE KNOWS SO WHY WORRY! Only control what you can, to get you to a place of TRUE happiness that has NOTHING to do with what the stats say should make you happy. I'm pretty freaking happy, in my no TV small house with my non manicured nails in my favorite yoga pants, eating $13 dollar nut butter from a spoon handed down from my mom. Back up, HOW much was that nut butter?! Its ok, we all have ONE thing we enjoy spending on ;) Keep it balanced!

THINK big picture about the future, BUILD the life you want, do not throw money down the toilet and hope happiness will blow up back out at you. Usually what comes back up in that case, is pretty shitty. Pun intended. Start making the changes and thinking of how you can get closer to what you SERIOUSLY want. What are you willing to sacrifice? ALL goals require some sacrifice. HAPPY FRIDAY!

As always, check out www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com to see what I do!

"I Think There's Been a Mistake..." "Did You Say STEAK?!?" "No, MIStake!"

You know what I could go for right this second? A burger. Like one of those big juicy ones, totally still mooing on the inside, grill charred on the outside. On top, Id like mushrooms and onions, but not raw onions, because I'll burp those up until July 4th. I'd also like some cheese. Cheddar. Lots of serious ketchup. And mustard. No bun, and a pickle.

FOODPORN!!!

Ok ok, I'm totally dreaming of what I will have after I walk the stage this weekend to compete in my first NPC Bikini show this season. If you know me (or if ya don't) you know I have been preparing for this thing for basically a year, when I did terrible in my last show, for many reasons. I could have chosen to run and hide and never give it another shot, but dammit I just love to lift weights too much and if so many other people could get into stage shape, why not me? I decided this time, I would do it my way, or no way. I'm not one for following direction. Never was. For me, its never enough to have just listened to someone and done something, I need to know the WHY and the HOW. If someone tells me what to do with no reasoning behind it, I struggle to even bother to DO it!! Plus, I've learned I need to say I did something MYSELF, or it's a nearly worthless accomplishment in my mind. That's my independent streak talking I suppose. Anyhow,  I decided I would learn this getting shredded things for myself, and if I looked decent come show season, I'd give it a go.

I ended up turning out an OK product over the past year, so this weekend that's just what I'm going to do. I've had some great help and support along the way, those people know who they are. But ultimately, this is me and me alone. My project, my product, my work.

Now, I don't believe in turning away good advice and help, and hearing it and processing it alone can teach you so very much. Listen to what people who have been in your shoes before you say, and then do what you will with it, but always LISTEN!!! It's all part of your path, and even bad or wrong advice, can show you what is RIGHT when you may not have seen it before.

Fitness, is so much like business. I may elaborate on that in another post some time. But, even Sir Richard Branson, who started over 400 companies under Virgin Group, said the secret to success? "Work out."

Why? I think, because it requires a certain mentality. The external after all, is a manifestation of the internal. Yeah, your grey matter. Your brain. Its more powerful than your physical being. So if you can grasp the mentality it takes to create an elite physique (or even a better than average one, which isn't a crazy aspiration in America) what the $*#& else can you do?!?!

I'm not here now to tell you entirely how to get into that mindset. Some of it is probably personality type. I'm a little OCD about details, but I am THE LEAST organized person ever. Do you want to see my kitchen right now? No, no you don't. (Sorry mom and dad!!) But, when I design, I measure to the millimeter to center things. I count my diet like one extra mushroom will result in needing to ride one of those scooters around the Wal-Mart. I pay disgustingly close attention to artistic detail. But I can't see how dirty the shower is. Probably a little bit sick in the head. :P

At any rate, the point here today is, no matter what goal you are pursuing, you're chicken shit scared and you probably aren't going for it as much as you could be. What are you scared of most? Mistakes. Messing up. More importantly, public mistakes. Because you care what people think. Look back at old posts where I already told you that.

Last year on that stage, I kinda looked terrible. I did two shows last year, but I only really ever talk about one. Because the second one, I was dead last. I was unprepared. My diet was a mess and I was hardly following one anymore. My hair was barely done. I looked unkempt and brought a half assed package to that stage. I messed up. It was public. Everyone saw. It was my fault for not taking control of my situation and being responsible for myself that day.

I see the same in business. Recently, I made a mistake there too. I messed up. I missed an error. I had 1000 of something printed up and they were all incorrect. It happened. It's going to happen. Because despite my detail orientation, I am human. I make mistakes. I miss things. And when it happens, it will be public. People will see. People will hear. Sometimes, in other unfortunate cases recently, things blow up and mistakes even make the news.

At first, I was disturbed. I didn't want a bad reputation, I was honestly questioning my own abilities, and wondering if I even DESERVED to work with anyone else if I was just going to disappoint them or make more mistakes. You can always be more careful. But you have to realize there's ALWAYS a risk of mistakes. ALWAYS ALWAYS. Why the hell would I let that risk set me back, TAKE RISKS or you simply cannot progress.

Then I thought about that physique show. Yeah I publicly messed up. But NO ONE REMEMBERS. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps after that blunder and I didn't quit. I found another way. I kept doing it because I love it. And I ignored the failure of last time. I blocked it out. I moved on. This weekend a lot of people, probably you if you are reading this and you know me, are going to be watching me to see how I do in this show. You've maybe been watching me work on my self project for a while now. And I may totally lose and bomb out again. Might make a mistake. Might fail. And hundreds of people will see. But I'm not scared of that because no matter the outcome, I know that journey was worth it, not for the end result but for the other 364 days I worked to get there. And there will be 364 more to follow, because I love to train and I'm not doing this to prove anything to anyone.

People ask how I get up there and I'm not nervous. Because why should I be? It's nothing in the end. Its 30 seconds. It's 30 seconds out of millions of seconds of my life, for a purely physical sport. There will be years of shows ahead of me if I so choose to participate in them.

And in my business, there will be years ahead to progress in that, as well. I will certainly make more mistakes. 100% freakin guaranteed. But I can't let that fear hold me back from showing you and everyone else exactly what I'm capable of and how I can help you. Handle mistakes with honor. Don't ignore them or run from them, but instead apologize, face them, fix them, work around them, and most importantly, learn from them! They, like all those people who offer advice, are the best teachers on your path. Everything and everyone you encounter brings you where you need to go. Let it. Risk it. Don't fear opinions. Fail and fail publicly. Let everyone see you do it. Hell, give them binoculars. What of it? You'll still wake up tomorrow and you'll still find happiness in the things you love. Let that fear of MISTAKES go and instead, strive to make as many damn mistakes as it takes to learn enough to be very successful. The only mistake you should stop making, is inaction. That one is the ultimate blunder that simply cannot be overcome. So get off your asses now and go screw something up with enthusiasm!

On the upside, this writing took just long enough, that its almost dinner time! No burger or steak yet, (or chocolate, I realllllly want some fudge covered peanut butter, or peanut butter covered fudge) but
I do get some pretty tasty eats. Somewhere, someone gets none tonight. Somewhere, some cow is settling in for his last evening before becoming my post show refeed. Ok, that was a little depressing. Sorry! Keep the vibes positive people! Until next time!

If you want to risk an awesome encounter for you next design or tshirt project, check me out at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com . Mistakes not guaranteed ;)