Friends Till The End.....Why Don't We Have More?

Every now and again, you find yourself at a funeral. Sad music, sad people, weird clothes. A body on display like a turkey on the Thanksgiving table, except you're not sure if you should look or not. Can the deceased hear you? Are they really dead? What's dead like? 

Who will be there?

I found myself in such a situation, when my then boyfriend, now fiance's grandfather passed a few years back. I sat with the family, looped in a solemn horseshoe formation around the casket as people paid their last respects.

As I watched everyone pass, I couldn't help but feel suddenly, overwhelmingly out of place. Here I was, only having known the man for the past five years, yet I was front and center for the last moments of his time above ground.

I wanted to be there, wanted to support my boyfriend, but I wondered, was this who he expected to be left standing when he died? Would he be disappointed with this turnout? Did I even deserve to be here?

In 70 plus years of life, just think of all the people he'd known. From his first friends in grade school, to high school, his first job, former girlfriends, bosses, people he'd met doing sports, the list goes on and on and on.

And at the very end, here was me and a few other people. And this is who and what it'd all come down to.

That got me thinking about how sad and how scary it is, that we can all count on one hand the people who TRULY care about us. We go through people in our lives like we do coffee filters, and the time we take to brew each relationship before we change that filter, seems to be getting increasingly shorter.

How many people have you lost? No I don't mean they died, I mean simply "lost touch" with? Not because you wanted to or should have (that's a whole different story) but simply because you nor they could be bothered to continue to hold the relationship together? Your best friend in elementary school, do you still talk? Your college roommate? The person you met in zumba class and went to dinner with a few times?

Our relationships these days seem like a revolving door. We meet because we have something in common, be it work, hobbies, classes, mutual friends, whatever. We talk, we bond, we hang out, and then slowly, slowly, we talk less. We stop hanging out. Someone moves. Lives change. And soon we don't talk anymore at all. All those little things we told each other no longer even matter. We didn't mean enough to each other to withstand the heavy pull of life.

And I have to admit, sometimes it breaks my heart.

How many times have we become close to someone for a time, telling them every detail of our day to day lives, only to have it fade away as though we'd barely met at all?

Perhaps this is a natural part of life, and we're only meant to know some people for a very short time. They might come into our lives to help us with a problem or solve an issue, and for nothing more. But sometimes, maybe it would be nice to forge more friendships that would last until the end of our lives.

Not fancy, hang out every second friendships, but friendships that you could pick up right where you left off, friends that will be there for you no matter what happens friends that love you. We all have a few like that. Why cant we have more?

Relationships, like everything worth having in life, take work. We seem to want to do less and less work. It's easier to simply stop working to be a good friend and find someone else that fits our current needs. People and things change, and its easier to go out and find replacements than to work on what we already have, and add to it.

I'm guilty of holding onto strings better left to fray. When I befriend someone I try to give it my all, but I can say the only people who haven't let me down are a couple of my girls and my fiance. Probably good that I'm marrying him then!! ;)

Everyone else turns out to be somewhat of a letdown, They stop talking to me suddenly or slowly, they fade away without reason, they lose interest in working for a friendship. It makes me sad. But I know that I am not alone. I see it happen everywhere, with everyone. I'm sure I'm guilty of being the letdown at least once, too.

Naturally, that's made me less sensitive to people that talk to me. "New friends" if you will. I am always happy to get to know people but I don't expect much to come of it. I don't expect them to remember me when I'm 75, or 45, or in many cases, 30.

What does this teach us? To always embrace ourselves and our independence. The things that keep me happy I've learned to find within myself, my design, my work, my goals. Fitness. My dogs. People are additions to your life, and shouldn't ever become your reason to exist, or your motivation to go for those things you want for yourself.

Perhaps you must let them fall in and out of your life, maybe that's how its supposed to be. Perhaps life is meant to be lived meeting, loving and losing as many friends as we can.

That doesn't mean it isn't sad when we realize someone we used to (or still do) care about has stopped talking to us slowly. That doesn't make it any easier when we leave a job and we never see the person we spent day in and day out with, ever again.

What if it didn't have to be that way? What if we put a little more effort into telling the people that we want in our lives, that we want them there? Or better yet, showing them. What would we have to lose? I'm not talking about horrible exes, or mean bosses, or former friends who turned into something we don't even want to know anymore.

No I'm talking about those silent faders, where nothing ever went wrong, nothing really changed, but the friendship ended because no one put in the effort. Those are the saddest losses, those are the ones that make us wonder if anyone truly cares about us at all.

So...... go out there, weather it be in your personal life or your business life, and send an old friend a message. Meet up. Tell your current friends they mean something, and don't allow them to fade without any negative reason for doing so. Cut people slack. Forgive minor imperfections and offenses.

Put in some damn effort. Just like you should with your professional life, your spouse, your kids your health and your pets. Put in some effort and care a little bit.

Someday that's gonna be you. Laying in that coffin. When all is said and done who is going to be there to remember you and what you meant in your time here? Assuming they haven't passed before you of course, who will be able to say they really knew you through a big portion of this thing called life?

Who will you support throughout this life, who do you want there. There's never a wrong time to remind them of that. Remind them now. Before the sad music and the weird clothes and the coffin thing.

Before its too late.

You Are Not a Tree. Show the World Who You Are.

"If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

I think it does. I think it makes the same sound it would if it were surrounded by a crowd of people.

But you read the quote. No one is around to hear it. No one cares. No one will come chop the tree up into logs. No one will plane the logs down into boards. No one will build a chair or a table or a baby crib out of that tree. It doesn't matter if it's among the finest Mahogany in the country. It will rot, marred by maggots and larvae, unseen and forgotten into the ground.

It could have been so many wonderful things.

Like all trees do, it began as a seed sailing on a puffy little cloud, or some happy crap like that. (More than likely, it was stuck to a fox's left ass cheek, and was carried a couple of miles before dropping off.) It found a comfy place to live, and it put down roots. Because its a tree, it cant put a for sale sign out, call for a U-Haul and move. It would be stuck there for the rest of its life. It would have to wait for people to find IT to determine it was worthy of being made into something.

Good news.You are not a tree! You can move wherever you want. You can interact with whomever you want. You can be made into whatever you want.

Of course there's always gonna be that crowd that wants to sit home in their pajamas and is content working at the 7-11 for the rest of their lives. Key word: wants. Getting by doing the minimum is enough for them, seriously. But what if that's not you?

What if you want to start a company, what if you want to create art seen around the world, what if you want to be a pro athlete or create a clothing line or increase awareness and raise money to cure a disease? You can't be the unseen tree. And you can't be scared to rip yourself up by the roots.

You need to be everywhere. People often think its bragging, or gloating about themselves if they continue to promote to the world what they do well. We all know that asshole on social media that posts 3040 selfies of everything they do and every other post says "F#*K the haterssss!"  But just WHY does that person bother you and I so much, you fellow hater?

No its not because you're jealous. You're actually, seriously nauseated by their content. It's because their content isn't real. Everything's always perfect. They never get upset, or fail or have a bad day, or fart in a crowd and blame someone else, or fail to wash their hair for six days. You, unfortunately, can't relate to them. You fail often and forget to be perfect. Therefore, you wish they would just go away. They don't make you feel good about yourself. They make you feel bad. Why would you buy what they're selling or support them in their missions?

The people and businesses you look up to and ultimately buy from and support make you feel great. They share not only the good, but the bad. They make noise and its real. They put themselves out there flaws and all. You can relate, it feels like you know them. You'd buy sawdust in a package from them because even if  you've never met them, they're your friends, and you trust your friends.

So there's good noise and bad noise. And then there's no noise. We all know that artist that THINKS no one will like his work so he hides it in his closet, even though he's the most amazing thing you've ever seen. Or that great writer who was told by someone that publishing a book is unreasonable and stupid, so they put that dream on the shelf and stayed silent. Or that ice cream shop whose owner doesn't know or care how to use a computer, so they aren't on any social media. No one knows they make the best banana split for 50 miles.

You're good at something and you have dreams. Whether you think you'll ever get there or not, you don't stand a chance if you don't put it out there. Social Media has made it easier than ever to share with the world what those are, and to remain humble. Don't spam people or be fake and perfect. Be real. Be someone they can know without ever having met you. People go with what they know and hear consistently. They support it, they think of it often, they buy from it.

Be in people's heads. Not screaming spammy crap, but be there for what you're good at and for who you are. Don't be afraid to be imperfect and don't be afraid to be really good at something and tell the world. You're good at it because it was meant for you and you love it. You're going to mess up a LOT because you're human.

You're not a tree. You can do whatever it takes to succeed. Email everyone you know and be yourself. Do it again a couple months later. Talk to people, meet people. Walk up to them even though you have no idea what to say. You'll look stupid. You will. You'll feel stupid. Deal with it. Anyone who got anywhere, dealt with it. It'll separate you from everyone that quit.

There's so many cool people out there, with cool examples and inspiration. Whatever it is you want to do, someone probably already did similar. Find out how and then do it better.

Talent is worth nothing if no one knows you have it and you're too scared to use it. Its yours, go own it before its too late. Be the tree that grows next to the Eiffel tower, not in the middle of Montana. Make sure everyone hears you when you fall.


For graphic design and help with YOUR social media for business as always check out www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com :-)

Stop Getting Stonewalled By Your Own Excuses!

Imagine this. You decide you want to build a huge stone wall around your property. You have plenty of money for materials, that wont ever be an issue. You have plenty of time. You have the time to work on it every single day. You have the strength, your health is decent. There isn't really anything stopping you.

You start in on the wall, laying one stone at a time, fitting them together, not perfectly, but soundly. It starts to seem like its taking an awfully long time. Longer than you thought it would. You aren't even a third of the way around the property! You start to think you must be nuts.

Your back is getting sore, your hands are developing calluses. Some days, it rains and you get even less done. Some days, the weather is perfect and it seems like you could lay stone forever.

Then, there's a huge storm. Gusty winds knock a huge tree over. Right into your wall. A good portion of it is crumbled. You're devastated.

Meanwhile inside the house, laundry is piling up, your wife says she doesn't see you enough, and the people are your real-life-job are starting to question why you're always so tired you can't even operate the coffee pot lately.

How about that beard though?!

This is the part, where most people quit. They tell themselves, eh, its not worth it, who needs a wall, it was silly anyways, there's no point. On to more important things.

The wall never gets finished. Neither does that car in your garage. You didn't lose those 20 lbs off your middle. Your great plan to redecorate the front bedroom resulted in three streaks of sample paint on the wall before you made up that excuse as to why it didn't NEED redoing.

We all do it. We all start things and don't finish them. And perhaps some things SHOULDN'T be finished. (Like that robot you were working on to clean the toilets. Isn't that why you had kids?)

But for the most part, the ONLY way to finish something, is to continue to do it in the first place. If you just kept laying one stone at a time, even if you slowed  your pace, you'd have NO CHOICE but to meet  your goal of finishing. It would manifest itself.

Consistency. That's the word of the day. Whatever goal you have will NEVER be met without it. Even when you encounter setbacks, and it seems IMPOSSIBLE, you must keep throwing rocks on the pile. When you stop, you ENSURE you won't get anywhere. If you never stop......the possibility of success never dies. In fact, its almost bound to happen!

Of course, some days, you look at that huge yard spread in front of you that still needs stone, you look at the muffin top oozing over your waistband, you look at that car in the garage and the HUNDREDS of bolts  you need to turn before its complete. Its overfreakinwhelming. You'd rather go to the dentist for a root canal or something, than continue.

It looks like Mount Everest. But what if you were hiking that mountain, and it was foggy, and you couldn't see the top? You'd have NO IDEA how far away the top was, or how far you'd already come. You'd only see a few feet ahead, and you'd keep putting one foot in front of the other, until you got to that top.

That overwhelming factor has been removed. What if you made the choice to remove it, from every goal you have?

One day you go back out and decide ENOUGH, its time to start rebuilding your wall. You don't look at the rest of the yard, or the neighbors yard, or think about how freaking HUGE that gap is where the tree fell. You simply lay a stone. And another, And another. You throw on headphones and jam out to Van Halen. And Justin Beiber (I won't tell). You lay another stone. When you look up, the gap is filled. You've overcome your setback. You've realized that sometimes you just have to put the blinders on to your own excuses and GET IT DONE.

Tomorrow you'll lay another stone. And everyday for the rest of the year, stone after stone until that damn wall wraps all the way around your yard. You won't think too much about how much you have left, and you won't pat yourself on the back for how far you've come.

Those small goals are the key to staying consistent. Getting out there and doing SOMETHING every single day. But, for now its time to go in and clean the toilets. Unfortunately, you never did quite get that robot up and running.

You Can Give a Panda Wings, But You Can't Make Him Fly

Remember when you were a little kid, and any time past 8 PM was some kind of magical, forbidden hour you weren't allowed to ever see? What went on at that time, while you were shackled to your race car toddler bed, curtains closed even though the sun was still up on a July night, and told you had to go to sleep?

Sometimes, you might dare crack open the door, you could hear the TV, maybe your mom was knitting yet another scarfsweaterblanket, and you older sister was doing brain busting math problems, calculating how many grapefruits Sally would have if she multiplied her current supply times five, added "x" and ate the rest. A stomachache and diarrhea. That's what Sally would have.

You would run past the scene to "go to the bathroom" and investigate this magical land of the night. There didn't SEEM to be anything special. No flying pandas, no glitter and fireworks in the kitchen. WHY were you never allowed to see this time then?! "GET BACK IN YOUR ROOM AND GO TO SLEEP" your parents would soon shout, having caught on to your plans. You'd sulk back to bed, and swear you couldn't wait to be old so you could just stay up all night!!

Anybody seen this guy?

Well, eventually that time came, and you went from going to sleep at 7PM to waking up then. You realized there WERE indeed flying pandas and glitter and fireworks in the wee hours of the night, and they could often be found at the bottom of a bottle of Jack. There was no "bedtime" anymore.  As a matter of fact, your parents would call you a lazy ass and scream every weekend at you to get OUT of bed during daylight hours. It was awesome....for a while.

Then you got like, a j-o-b. They wanted you to start at the ungodly hour of 8 AM. Suddenly, staying up till 8:30 AM all summer left exactly....negative 30 minutes of sleep every night. Wasn't going to work..... So  you started to go to sleep earlier. First 1 AM, then midnight, then 11, then one night in your mid twenties when you found yourself in between the sheets, alone, in your sweatpants at 8:42 PM it hit you....you grew up. You were going to sleep at this time without your parents yelling at you. You got up at 6 AM because YOU WANTED TO. No one had to tell you to. You had lived and learned. And only then, were you able to realize the serious value of a proper sleep schedule. No one could have told you at four years old that there was nothing special about the night. No one could have told you at 16 that it was worth getting up before noon. You had to make this discovery and conclusion on  your own. (Some people are still working on it ;) )

The point there is, as I was thinking this week, I realized, you just cant make anyone do anything that they don't want to do, and do it well. Its so simple, yet we continue to try. We offer incentives. Most of them monetary. If you get up and mop this nasty floor or analyze these numbers for 8 hrs today, I will give you the money to get those new kicks you've been wanting, or pay your rent! That motivates us to do what we just don't want to. We slog through. We collect $200. We pass go. We circle the board again. 

I see the same in the fitness world. You tell people they have to do this, this and this to get in shape. Time and time again they "slip up". Ooops, I just HAD to eat that cake, my mom was in town, and I just love sugar! You were too sore to do your cardio, so you didn't. You had a stomachache so you couldn't lift at all this week. Your dog had to go out so you couldn't leave home. I've heard all those and more as to why people cant do something. It's to a point now where, when I offer fitness advice, I go in expecting you NOT to listen. Most people simply do not. If you do, you have blown my socks off. I realize you WANT this. YOU and only YOU want this. I didn't make you want it. You made that choice somewhere inside you, that you wanted to hit that goal. That goal became more important than any piece of cake, it propelled you through being sore, it helped you find a way to let the dog out AND make your lifts.

The same goes in this career path I've chosen. My dad told me for the longest time it was a great idea and I would love it. But I resisted. I wanted to do what everyone else was doing and just work a normal job and go to work picnics and wear a skirt. I did that. I had to learn the hard way, that it wasn't what I thought. I then started my business, not because he wanted me to, but eventually it was ME that wanted to. I wasn't happy, and I had to reach my OWN breaking point to change.

Funny thing is, a lot of people seem to have a much higher bullshit tolerance than others. Most people seem to figure "this is the way it is" about everything, from the state of their fitness, their job, their life. They shut off and tamp down their desires to do anything else long, long after they want to. They resist other people telling them what they could do to improve their situation and get mad when its suggested. They don't want it bad enough, they think its too hard.

But whats harder, secretly wasting  your life slogging away, a slave to money, to other peoples expectations, to your own idea of what it "should" be? Or is it harder to put in the work necessary to make a change? BOTH are hard. Pick your poison.  It was hard doing a job I hated. It's also really really hard doing a job I love, for entirely different reasons. The path isn't laid out for me, I'm not just grinding my days out. I'm instead fueled by a new kind of grind. its a much lighter feeling. Its electric almost instead of dead and flat. I'm out there pushing but the rewards when they come are that much sweeter, despite the failures being that much scarier. Its what keeps me doing this. Id rather work doing new things for this, than ever be stuck in a passionless position. If I ever do return to working elsewhere, it will be because I needed/wanted to to attain a goal, be that pay the rent, or a change of some sort. Ill dance in a lobster suit if you'll notice my biz and become my customer as a result. I'll do math and keep spreadsheets and calendars. I'll be late for the gym to make a delivery. I'll call people I don't know whereas when I was a kid I wouldn't call ANYONE and I hated the phone. It all changes when there's a PURPOSE!

Same thing with fitness (as usual, there are so many parallels!) It hurts to do cardio sometimes yeah. Lifting is hard, sometimes I want to eat ALL the chocolate and peanut butter and I'm HUNGRY. I choose not to eat cake because my family is in town. I instead choose to hang out with my family and enjoy their company. I do this every single day, because I WANT TO KNOW that I did everything I could to get as far as I could. The only person that loses if I "slip up" is ME. Why do that to myself, aren't my goals worth more?

Put you first. YOU only get one life here. Get fired up about something. If you've told your inner voice to shut up for so long, let it speak instead. Find the motivation to do the things you have always wanted in yourself because if you don't find it, YOU WILL NEVER, EVER DO THEM. If you're waiting for someone to make you, you ll be waiting a long time. You need to want it for you. I can't tell you to do something and make you do it. Your mom cant make you. Your friends cant make you. You need to live out the experiences to get you where you are and LISTEN to them. Don't tamp them down and continue to be mediocre. You need to get to the point where you've had enough and then you need to make the change rather than ignore the signs as so many do. YOU need to stop making excuses for yourself. Only you can do that. Otherwise, you may as well sit around at 2 AM looking for flying pandas in the dark to take you to the perfect life in a cloud of glitter and highly advanced pyrotechnics. Well hey, let me know if you see any! That'd be pretty cool....

You Got a Fast Car.....Until It Gets Hit By A Mack Truck!

I drive a VW Beetle. We met one day back in February. It was in the middle of that cold streak, where it hurts to go outside but you're so sick of wearing the same stupid three coats, that you just wear a sweatshirt for something different, because, you wont need to be like, OUT in that cold for more than thirty seconds at a clip right?

If your car breaks suddenly and irreparably, and you need to go car shopping immediately, you might have wished you were wearing that coat. That was the situation I was faced with that day, my seventeen billion year old Pontiac Grand Am whom I'd purchased for $800 four years earlier, had finally made an abrupt, but predictable exit to the big junkyard in the sky. Having to work my normal job in the morning, I needed a car ASAP. My dad and uncle knew someone who knew someone who knew someone that sold cars, so off we went for a deal hunt.

Everyone who knows me knows I HATE spending money. I cling to money like Jack and Rose cling to that door in the last scene in Titanic. Some people collect hockey cards. I like to collect money. I just love to watch it grow. So the news of needing a brand spanking new car didn't really delight me, although I knew it was coming for some time.

The guy at the car place showed me a sheet with all the cars, and my eyes were looking for price first and ugly factor right after. Jeep? Meh too boxy. Buick? HEEEELLLL no, I'd had enough boat cars for a lifetime after my first Pontiac Bonneville. Beetle? Well, it was cute! And the cheapest thing on the lot. I was sold. I went out to meet her. It was love at first site when she looked up at me with those giant headlights, she looked so happy! (so what if Beetles stemmed from Hitler, they look so darn cute) I drove the car off the lot that day for $6000 cash. Ok, I didn't drive it, it was standard, and Id never driven standard at the time and had no idea how. But I like a challenge, I'll get into that story another time.

Anyways, I had several people in the last few days ask me how I think I can do what I love and ever have any money. No, right now, two months into doing this full time, I don't make "crazy good money". There used to be a time when I would pour over stats published about how much people in my industry are supposed to make, and how much average people make, and do I measure up?!?! Then I realized something. I ain't average. And I don't even want to be, so why worry about averages?! I have everything I need and want right now....and the point is that's different for everyone, and for 90% of that, you have total control over your life design. With the exception of medical emergencies and the like, YOU control how you set up your life. Forget stats ok? Because they are just that, AVERAGES. YOU might be the one that doesn't fit with that.

Think of crash test ratings. You spend hours looking for the perfect forty seven star frontal crash test rated minivan with side air bags, ceiling air bags, arm rest airbags, airbags in the cupholders and windows that you cant open from the inside unless you're cleared with the CIA, lest someone fall out mid cruise. You're going along on the highway, and Bob the truck driver fell asleep after one too many hours on the road. Hes crossing the median. He's got 20 huge steel pipes in his truck. You know where this is going. No cupholder airbag could have stopped that beam from taking you straight out in this case. Behind your supervan, was Joe. Joe drives a 1995 Geo Prizm. It has a negative 40 star crash test rating. Did they even put airbags in that thing? Joe slams into your van. Metal pipes come within inches of his head. Joe should be dead. But Joe walks, yup walks away from the crash. You're dead. Crash test ratings and averages, made zero difference here. This was a unique situation. The angle of the crash was just so that Joe walked out without a scratch. And you didn't. You're dead.

He lived, you didn't?! How's THAT for averages?

The point here is averages don't guarantee, promise, or mean, ANYTHING really. Fortunately, you have a bit more control over your life design than you do over your life on the road. People ask me how I live? I don't spend thoughtlessly. I don't have a TV. I buy new clothes rarely, I have MORE clothes than I know what to do with. I do my own hair. I paint my own nails. I am blessed with no loan payments, because owning a business was a plan I considered WAY back in high school with my family. I don't have kids. I live in a place where the rent isn't high, and I share it with someone. My cars have all been used and bought in cash. My biggest expense is food, because that's also the one "hobby" I've chosen to pursue.

Ok, I know what you're thinking. What a loser, God shes boring, her life must be so boring and absolutely suck, she has NOTHING, I have so much more, what does she DO with her time?! You'd be wrong on all counts, in my eyes. I am rarely bored. I don't care about TV at all, I forget it exists actually. In my free time, I work out because I love it, I research working out, I research and read online, I talk to my boyfriend and friends, I go outside. And oh yeah, I build my design biz. Because I want that. Because I KNOW I cant support five kids and a BMW and yacht on what I make now. NO WAY. But I'VE CHOSEN THAT.

You might choose different. You might want kids, more than you want to not work a "stable" job. You might be ok with spending all week away from the huge house you have to keep paying on. You might be ok with that big cable TV bill. That is entirely your choice. But don't just have things, because stats and society says you have to have things.

Do you WANT to pay for 7000 channels a month? Can you think of something better you might be able to do with your time here than lose it to fake story lines? Can you find a couple things you want to watch online for free? Can you drive a car because it gets you somewhere, not because its shiny and new? Do you need to spend hours working to pay for someone to coat your fingernails in plastic? Can you live in a cute little place that you made all yours, not caring who it impresses? Do you really want to start a family at this time? Can you still get a good workout in with $12 TJMaxx headphones instead of $300 dollar Beats? You get what I'm saying.

Of course some things will ALWAYS be beyond our control, as is the case with the metal pipes on that truck. You may fall ill, a surprise child might come along, your house might burn down. NO ONE KNOWS SO WHY WORRY! Only control what you can, to get you to a place of TRUE happiness that has NOTHING to do with what the stats say should make you happy. I'm pretty freaking happy, in my no TV small house with my non manicured nails in my favorite yoga pants, eating $13 dollar nut butter from a spoon handed down from my mom. Back up, HOW much was that nut butter?! Its ok, we all have ONE thing we enjoy spending on ;) Keep it balanced!

THINK big picture about the future, BUILD the life you want, do not throw money down the toilet and hope happiness will blow up back out at you. Usually what comes back up in that case, is pretty shitty. Pun intended. Start making the changes and thinking of how you can get closer to what you SERIOUSLY want. What are you willing to sacrifice? ALL goals require some sacrifice. HAPPY FRIDAY!

As always, check out www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com to see what I do!

"I Think There's Been a Mistake..." "Did You Say STEAK?!?" "No, MIStake!"

You know what I could go for right this second? A burger. Like one of those big juicy ones, totally still mooing on the inside, grill charred on the outside. On top, Id like mushrooms and onions, but not raw onions, because I'll burp those up until July 4th. I'd also like some cheese. Cheddar. Lots of serious ketchup. And mustard. No bun, and a pickle.

FOODPORN!!!

Ok ok, I'm totally dreaming of what I will have after I walk the stage this weekend to compete in my first NPC Bikini show this season. If you know me (or if ya don't) you know I have been preparing for this thing for basically a year, when I did terrible in my last show, for many reasons. I could have chosen to run and hide and never give it another shot, but dammit I just love to lift weights too much and if so many other people could get into stage shape, why not me? I decided this time, I would do it my way, or no way. I'm not one for following direction. Never was. For me, its never enough to have just listened to someone and done something, I need to know the WHY and the HOW. If someone tells me what to do with no reasoning behind it, I struggle to even bother to DO it!! Plus, I've learned I need to say I did something MYSELF, or it's a nearly worthless accomplishment in my mind. That's my independent streak talking I suppose. Anyhow,  I decided I would learn this getting shredded things for myself, and if I looked decent come show season, I'd give it a go.

I ended up turning out an OK product over the past year, so this weekend that's just what I'm going to do. I've had some great help and support along the way, those people know who they are. But ultimately, this is me and me alone. My project, my product, my work.

Now, I don't believe in turning away good advice and help, and hearing it and processing it alone can teach you so very much. Listen to what people who have been in your shoes before you say, and then do what you will with it, but always LISTEN!!! It's all part of your path, and even bad or wrong advice, can show you what is RIGHT when you may not have seen it before.

Fitness, is so much like business. I may elaborate on that in another post some time. But, even Sir Richard Branson, who started over 400 companies under Virgin Group, said the secret to success? "Work out."

Why? I think, because it requires a certain mentality. The external after all, is a manifestation of the internal. Yeah, your grey matter. Your brain. Its more powerful than your physical being. So if you can grasp the mentality it takes to create an elite physique (or even a better than average one, which isn't a crazy aspiration in America) what the $*#& else can you do?!?!

I'm not here now to tell you entirely how to get into that mindset. Some of it is probably personality type. I'm a little OCD about details, but I am THE LEAST organized person ever. Do you want to see my kitchen right now? No, no you don't. (Sorry mom and dad!!) But, when I design, I measure to the millimeter to center things. I count my diet like one extra mushroom will result in needing to ride one of those scooters around the Wal-Mart. I pay disgustingly close attention to artistic detail. But I can't see how dirty the shower is. Probably a little bit sick in the head. :P

At any rate, the point here today is, no matter what goal you are pursuing, you're chicken shit scared and you probably aren't going for it as much as you could be. What are you scared of most? Mistakes. Messing up. More importantly, public mistakes. Because you care what people think. Look back at old posts where I already told you that.

Last year on that stage, I kinda looked terrible. I did two shows last year, but I only really ever talk about one. Because the second one, I was dead last. I was unprepared. My diet was a mess and I was hardly following one anymore. My hair was barely done. I looked unkempt and brought a half assed package to that stage. I messed up. It was public. Everyone saw. It was my fault for not taking control of my situation and being responsible for myself that day.

I see the same in business. Recently, I made a mistake there too. I messed up. I missed an error. I had 1000 of something printed up and they were all incorrect. It happened. It's going to happen. Because despite my detail orientation, I am human. I make mistakes. I miss things. And when it happens, it will be public. People will see. People will hear. Sometimes, in other unfortunate cases recently, things blow up and mistakes even make the news.

At first, I was disturbed. I didn't want a bad reputation, I was honestly questioning my own abilities, and wondering if I even DESERVED to work with anyone else if I was just going to disappoint them or make more mistakes. You can always be more careful. But you have to realize there's ALWAYS a risk of mistakes. ALWAYS ALWAYS. Why the hell would I let that risk set me back, TAKE RISKS or you simply cannot progress.

Then I thought about that physique show. Yeah I publicly messed up. But NO ONE REMEMBERS. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps after that blunder and I didn't quit. I found another way. I kept doing it because I love it. And I ignored the failure of last time. I blocked it out. I moved on. This weekend a lot of people, probably you if you are reading this and you know me, are going to be watching me to see how I do in this show. You've maybe been watching me work on my self project for a while now. And I may totally lose and bomb out again. Might make a mistake. Might fail. And hundreds of people will see. But I'm not scared of that because no matter the outcome, I know that journey was worth it, not for the end result but for the other 364 days I worked to get there. And there will be 364 more to follow, because I love to train and I'm not doing this to prove anything to anyone.

People ask how I get up there and I'm not nervous. Because why should I be? It's nothing in the end. Its 30 seconds. It's 30 seconds out of millions of seconds of my life, for a purely physical sport. There will be years of shows ahead of me if I so choose to participate in them.

And in my business, there will be years ahead to progress in that, as well. I will certainly make more mistakes. 100% freakin guaranteed. But I can't let that fear hold me back from showing you and everyone else exactly what I'm capable of and how I can help you. Handle mistakes with honor. Don't ignore them or run from them, but instead apologize, face them, fix them, work around them, and most importantly, learn from them! They, like all those people who offer advice, are the best teachers on your path. Everything and everyone you encounter brings you where you need to go. Let it. Risk it. Don't fear opinions. Fail and fail publicly. Let everyone see you do it. Hell, give them binoculars. What of it? You'll still wake up tomorrow and you'll still find happiness in the things you love. Let that fear of MISTAKES go and instead, strive to make as many damn mistakes as it takes to learn enough to be very successful. The only mistake you should stop making, is inaction. That one is the ultimate blunder that simply cannot be overcome. So get off your asses now and go screw something up with enthusiasm!

On the upside, this writing took just long enough, that its almost dinner time! No burger or steak yet, (or chocolate, I realllllly want some fudge covered peanut butter, or peanut butter covered fudge) but
I do get some pretty tasty eats. Somewhere, someone gets none tonight. Somewhere, some cow is settling in for his last evening before becoming my post show refeed. Ok, that was a little depressing. Sorry! Keep the vibes positive people! Until next time!

If you want to risk an awesome encounter for you next design or tshirt project, check me out at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com . Mistakes not guaranteed ;)

I Love Peanut Butter, and I'm a Little Selfish. You Should Be Too.

Are you ever sitting there, doing something totally nonchalant like clipping your toenails, or maybe something magnificent, like watching the sunset in Maui, and you realize, suddenly, that you will NEVER know what it would be like to experience this life as anyone else? Never. I mean this point of view you have, right here, right now, reading this, is something no one else will ever know.

It's scary really if you sit there and ponder it. There are billions of us, yet no two experiences on this planet are ever the same and YOU ONLY GET ONE.

I have a scar on my right knee from when I was trying to "surf" by standing on a pool tube NEXT to the pool. Of course, I fell off and diced my knee open. My grandpa was supposed to be watching me, but he had fallen asleep. (A normal occurrence for him!) Every time I look at that scar I remember him. I have calluses from weightlifting that remind me how much I love it every time I look at my hands. I love reggae music and peanut butter and chicken with cinnamon and mustard on it. My daddy is still my biggest supporter. Some people have never met their fathers. And I will never have to know what that's like.

Is this how they make Peanut Butter?!

I will also never know what it's like to be a child that was abused, or to come from a huge family. And you won't know what it's like to still get bothered by the smell of burning brakes and metal on the highway. Or maybe, you will, but not because you were going 70mph on January 10, 2010 when you got struck from behind and spun around three times into a bridge, walking away from your destroyed car with only a broken nail. Maybe you'll have a similar story. But it won't be exactly the same. The story of your life can never, from start to finish, be the same as my story.

Only one person is there with you, from the moment you're born till the moment you die. Only one person knows what scares you, what you love, what hurts, what you really think, all your scars, what it looks like when you ate some bad pigs-in-a-blanket, and you have your body rebelling from both ends...at once. Not pretty. Not pretty. That person is you. You live and die with you, my friend. You know what else lives and dies with you? Everything you do in your little slice of time and space here. There seems to be a few reasons I see, that people think they shouldn't fully ulilize that finite slice. But it's time to knock those to the curb and write some plot twists into your story. Here's why you might be reluctant...

1) You think people are going to remember  - People love you. They do, I promise. SOMEONE (several someones!) is deeply effected by your presence. But we all think people care far more about us and our stories than they do. And it holds us back. You don't want to be seen in high school wearing hand me downs because the other kids will laugh. You don't want to go to the gym because people are going to recoil in disgust at your back fat. You don't want to start a business because you might fail and people might see. People might say you suck. People might see you fall on your ass if you get up on stage and try to walk in heels and a bikini, like I'm about to in a week. Yup, should that happen, they'll see. They'll laugh. It will suck. And in ten years, no one will remember including me. But YOU WILL always remember that thing you wanted to do but never did because of the things you thought people might say and think. People are going to think and say things about you anyways. If you do nothing, they'll say your a lazy recluse.  Remember, you live and die with you and you alone. When you're 80, sitting on some nursing home porch with drool down to your armpits, most of them won't be there. You will though.

2) You're afraid of being selfish - "Selfish" is painted as this horrible concept in our society. Its widely agreed that its bad to be seen as selfish. To care about ones self. But if you don't even care about yourself, who the heck else is going to? I think, acting selfish, and BEING selfish are two different things. Acting selfish, would be that trait we all don't like. Being mean and arrogant, unwilling to help people who need you, putting everyone else last, having no consideration for other people's feelings or situations. But BEING selfish, could simply be taking care of YOU and taking the time to work on the one person you have complete control of. Invest in you. You have nothing to give to anyone else if you're so busy ignoring your own thoughts and aspirations because you feel guilty chasing your purpose for being here. By doing your thing, you inspire other people. Be it your children, your friends, and strangers you've never even met. And that is the very definition of UNselfish.Giving isn't always giving time, or money, or THINGS to a charity on a poster. It could be giving positive vibes.

3) You get too attached to important people in your life - We all have that friend. The one who you think would probably jump headfirst off a bridge if their significant other ever left them. They claim to be "so in love". They don't do things if the other person doesn't like them. They do things BECAUSE the other person tells them to. They don't really do much without the other person. But who are THEY? What do THEY give to this thing called existence?  I have been with the same person for 8 years. We like some of the same things of course. But we like a lot of different things. I'm a fitness competitor. He works out, but he has no desire to go as hard as me for that goal. I use that same mentality to run my business. He prefers being part of a team/company. He plays softball and loves it. I don't even know which way to run. (I'm NOT exaggerating) I can't swim in the ocean. Hate it. He's a fish out there. He races cars. Cars are shiny and pretty to me, but I have the same interest in racing as he does in counting grams of carbs. Yet we mesh nicely. He doesn't tell me I can't go to the gym. I don't tell him to stop racing. At the same token, he tells me if I'm being a crazy bitch. I tell him if he's being a dumb ass. If we ever split, I will be lost. I love him. But I will still be Tamara Lynn Morrison, artist and designer. I will still have that. I've had that since I was born. I will still love fitness. I will get up at 7AM everyday and do those things. I will live for them as I do now. We choose other people to walk our paths with us. But we should never choose to cling to them and let them drag us by the neck. Never make anyone else your everything. Because when/if they leave, you will have nothing. You will be nothing. At the end no one can die for you. You will breathe your last breath with your own two lungs. Why live for your life for someone else??

Find your own passions. Be a little yes, SELFISH and put those dreams first. Then give the happiness those passions give you to other people who deserve to be in your life. UNselfish, see? This life is yours and yours alone. You only get one story, write the book so that when it closes and gets filed away on the shelf of humanity, it deserves a big freaking spot. And please, at any party where they are serving pigs-in-a-blanket, steer clear. Not.....pretty.

Motivated to start living out some dreams that require a designer? ;) You know where to find me www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com

Travlin' Tam, Fancy Hotels, and Why YOU Need a Graphic Designer!

Happy Saturday everyone! Time for a little update from TMG and some more insight into what I do and why design is really so crucial!

Life isn't bad here....TMG  was based in the Sunshine State this past week. That's the cool thing about working for yourself....in some cases you can take your work with you. The other half had a business trip to Orlando, all expenses paid, staying at the Waldorf Astoria, sooooo why not?! I packed up the laptop and off we went. I found a nice place to set up office, and pretty much did what I'd do from CT, calls, emails, design work! Pretty sweet!

My Office Last Week!

And let me tell you, this hotel was something else. It was for the fancy schmancy rich. As is they open your car doors for you and there's lemon water and cucumber water in the water coolers. I was in for a shock one night when I came back to the room and there was jazz music on the TV, slippers laid out in front of the bed, chocolates on the pillow and the lights turned on and dimmed. Now I'm just a little carefree gym rat. I don't really own more than one dress, I walk around with my cell phone jammed in my sports bra half the time, and its not unusual to see me with my tongue in a Tupperware licking the last bits of Meal 3 out. So the whole thing weirded me out. I don't think I'd want "star treatment" even if I was a billionaire. I'd rather just be left to my own wonderfully sloppy devices. Although the luggage carrying service was great. I might be able to dead lift over 225 lbs for a few reps, but something about carrying luggage...I HATE IT. If they could just invent a motorized suitcase, I'd be all over that.

It was definitely a little piece of "the dream" to be able to work under the palm trees. But that doesn't mean its all fun and games, I had a lot to do! Running the biz is a lot more than just design! But a lot of people wonder, why is design important in the first place? Why even bother hiring a designer? I mean, most people have Publisher. Isn't that just as good? Well.....no. Not quite.

Say you have this crazy dream like mine. You wanna be your own boss, and you want to do it in real estate. You're all licenced up, you're set to go. I don't know much about real estate, but I do know that people dream of starting and running real estate companies. So you might be one of them, you're starting up. If you're like me, you aren't made of money. And start up gets pricey. You have legal mumbo jumbo, probably a building, office equipment to buy. You're going crazy putting all the "important stuff" together to start up. Then you realize you probably should have some kind of logo. But that's easy, who cares, you can do that later, you have Publisher.

Later comes pretty freaking soon, and you crack open Publisher. Your last name is Swan. You'll call your venture "Swan Real Estate". You bang out a logo. Good enough. You have so much else to do still!

Here's what you come up with: (NOTE!: These are REAL LOGOS that I pulled off  of Google by looking up "swan real estate". I didn't alter anything, and I DID NOT CREATE EITHER OF THESE EXAMPLES! These are real world examples!)

Hmmmm. How does that look? It's pretty simple. Self explanatory. Anddd totally obviously done in Publisher! Now this example seems pretty extreme, most logos aren't THIS bad.....but we can all think of some that ARE, seriously. This logo kind of says, you rushed. You didn't want to invest any of your start up capital into logo design, it wasn't really top priority. It looks thrown together. It looks hurried. It looks careless. It looks elementary. I could go on and on. Simply put, it looks bad. And you know what? Its the first thing people are going to see when they "meet" your business.

We all judge. Instantly. "Oh that lady is a lazy slob because her hair is frizzy and her pants are wrinkled." "Oh that man must be a real stuck up ahole, hes standing there in dockers and a cardigan sweater with a side part in his hair." "Oh that guy/girl is on steroids, he has muscles" (a personal fave ;) )

We all do it. Let's just not even try to deny it. Its the same thing with  your new business. All those things I said above about this logo? Hurried, rushed, cheap, careless, elementary. THAT'S WHAT YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS. I don't care if you are the best businessperson on earth. I don't care if your plan is perfect. Your office spotless. You have every licence under the sun. I don't respect you. I don't respect you, because your logo sucks. Its like those judgements. It doesn't matter if slob lady is a millionaire and the nicest person you ever met. Looking at her, because she presents herself poorly, you assume shes about as lazy and smart as a log. Is it right? No. But it's true.

Now lets say, you understood all that already. You understood that your new business was going to need a seriously awesome logo. You know that it's the face of your organization, its going to speak to thousands of people for you before you ever open your mouth with any kind of pitch. You know people are judging EVERYTHING YOU DO based on that one logo. My gosh, it's even more important than having an office.

Because  you see that creating your public persona comes first, you invest in a designer. You leave Publisher closed. You know that this logo will go on everything you do. FOR YEARS. Even if you change it, this one will always be out there. People will remember it and associate it with you. They forgot your name in three seconds.....but that logo, they see it every time they pass your building or see your ads or someone wearing it. And it sticks. We are visual creatures. Everyone knows swoosh means Nike. Everyone knows that dinky yellow flower thing means Wal-Mart.

So anyhow, you pay a graphic designer to create a logo for you. After a few rounds of revisions, you end up with this: (AGAIN pulled off Google when looking up simply "swan real estate" as a fun experiment!)

When I see this one, it doesn't take long for me to notice that this one wasn't whipped up in ten minutes. Thought went into it. And I KNOW hours and hours of thought went into your new business. This one isn't overly crazy or busy, but its clean. It's got a couple catch phrases to show what you do, and make you stand out from the 4950 other companies like yours. Its got a sophisticated aire to it, just like the image you want to project for your company. You can pull the catchphrases out for a simpler look for some publications if you want to. It has options. It looks professional.

Now YOU look professional. So what if I walk into your office, and theres papers everywhere, a day old ham sandwich between files with mayo adhering your invoices together. So what if you don't even HAVE your real estate licence?! (Please don't be that stupid......!) Point is, your logo speaks to me before I know whats underneath. And it's telling me you put time and a little coin into it. You made an investment. You care. You think things out. You're professional. You will do all those things for me, if I become your client. I go with you. I trust you. Yup. TRUST. That's the main point here is to build that impression, build that trust.

It's so easy to get so lost in what you think is important when you start (or even continue!) your business. It probably IS all important stuff. But you hate to be judged for your look, your clothes, your "impression". I know you do. I do. So why let your business be judged poorly for its logo? Your logo is your business or organization's "clothes". Dress up!!

It's like the fancy Waldorf Astoria. Their cucumber water and fake smiley people are trying to impress me. And it does. Granted, its over the top. Maybe a nice Hilton would hit me just right. But let me tell you, Joe's Motel with the front gutter hanging upside down and rust stains and peeling paint isn't going to give me a lot of confidence that I can sleep there in comfort......Or without catching crabs.

So, as a designer, that's what I do. I make Joe's Motel a place you want to stay. Because even if he hasn't washed the bedsheets since Clinton was in office and the only cucumbers on the property are in the form of Vlasic jarred pickles, hes gonna have a damn good logo on the front of that thing. And that just might be enough to make you check on in, and fork over some green for a 48 year old mattress and a couple stray crabs.

If you want to revamp YOUR existing logo, (weather you made it in Publisher or worse....Paint!) I'm always available to help! Visit me at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com or email me at tamaramorrisongraphics@gmail.com for a free consult!!