Cut the Crap, Nothing's Perfect!

There are some citizens of North Korea that believe their Dear Leader doesn't have an asshole. That's right, they believe he's a God. Gods don't eat leftover sushi that's been in the fridge one day too long and spend the next seven hours on the porcelain throne begging for mercy.

But...... I do.

And so you do. 

The "Dear Leader" of North Korea, Kim Jong-un. Yes, he sh$#s!

So many of us only portray to the outside world what we WANT to look like. What we want everyone to see. We Facebook  and Instagram about our super cool awesome lives.

Our big move to Texas. Our engagement to the perfect person. Our new baby. Our 20 lbs weightloss. We look damn near like we're living the dream to all our adoring "fans" that scroll by our content. We hope secretly, in some twisted way, that someone will be jealous of us and the awesomeness that spills from our carefully presented personalities. And they are. Just like YOU get a twinge of envy when you see the supposedly perfect lives of those around you.

But here's what you don't know. That girl that moved to Texas can't find a good job and misses her family more than she thought she would. That perfect couple had a big fight the other night and sometimes they can't freaking stand each other. That new baby kept mom up all night and while shes happy, shes tired and sometimes she misses her old life and just wants to go for drinks with friends. That girl that lost 20 lbs was only eating a few crackers and coffee for three months to get there. You see where I'm going.

It's all lies and exaggerations. All these people you thought were so awesome, struggle too.

I'm guilty of that in part myself. I've been doing great, no seriously great (not lying!) with my business. As I approach a year of doing this on my own, I really can't ask for a lot more. It's been a crazy ride of learning and figuring out what the hell I'm doing!

But waittttt isn't one of my other passions fitness? Didn't I used to pick up heavy shit and put it down and compete on a stage wearing about 18 square inches of glittered blinged out fabric? Yeah. That was indeed me.

Anyone that knows me knows that with me, its 110% or its 0%. There IS no moderate, no in between.

Right now my kitchen's a mess. I think maybe, there's a new species breeding in the sink. I've stepped over my pants from Monday on the floor about 3040 times. That's the kitchen floor. I don't know how they got there. (Get your mind out of the gutter!) That's my 0%.

And then, there was fitness. For the last two years, I've ran hill sprints until I fell over and lifted weights for nearly 3 hours a day 6 days a week. Ran up the stair master until I looked like I'd just been dragged through a swamp for an hour. I starved and ignored it and stuffed a family sized bag of spinach into my face to fill the space where chocolate ice cream should have gone once and a while.

And I loved it. I loved pushing unbelievably hard and doing what most people would have given up on a long long ago. Competing in what is arguably the hardest sport in the world, propelled me to quit my job and start a business and push like hell for THAT too. Don't want to go sell yourself to strangers? Think of it like cardio! Put the blinders on and just go do it. Don't think. Do. You will finish. There is no other way. That was my mentality and still is when I want something.

But unfortunately unlike in business, the body has a point of diminishing returns on the work and time invested into it. After I stepped off that stage it slowly hit me. I was so sick of being hungry. I was sick of eating spinach. I was sick of being cold. I was sick of my hair thinning and having wacked out hormones. I was sick of being tired all the time. I was just sick.

That in no way should discourage anyone else from getting in shape or even competing as healthfully as they can, by the way. I'll say it again, I was EXTREME. I dieted for two years with no break. If someone was walking for cardio I had to run. If someone was lean I had to get leaner. If someone was lifting a lot I had to lift more, for longer duration. I had to do everything the hard way just to say that I could.

My 110% effort was suddenly bringing me down. I had no choice but to finally eat more and to lay off my insane workouts. I worked out like a normal person. I did a little easy cardio. I ate a lot of food. And my veins and cuts disappeared and the scale approached ghastly numbers.

I hated it. I knew I needed it but after being the Mayor of Shredsville for two years, I had  to get on the bus to Normalville and move away. I packed my bags ( most of which was packed into my ass, thank goodness!) and became a "normal fit girl".

It's freaking weird. As far as fitness right now I'm a moderate and balanced normal girl. I lift. I eat ice cream. I feel freaking great. But I'm not this shredded up little freak right now. And I would be lying if I said I don't miss it. It was different. It got compliments.  And yes, It got me business.

Business is one thing where I don't think it will hurt me to give my 110%. And I will continue to do just that. Ain't no one else going to get to the top of this game for me. That too, is really freaking scary and hard. And sometimes, yeah I cry over it. I'm human, just like you.

The point of this little tale is just that. Everyone has this highlight reel that they display, be it over social media, or in person when they talk about their lives. When things don't go perfectly, we don't often share. I've all but stopped posting to my fitness Instagram admittedly, because why? Shall I go "Oh here is me "undoing" all my hard work and failing! Look at this!" I just don't think anyone would find that very mentally inspiring, coming from a purely fitness standpoint.

Still I have nothing to hide about anything that I struggle with. Anything you see me do was certainly backed by struggle and tears and difficulty. Don't ever let those things make you feel like you shouldn't keep going when you have a goal.

Don't ever say "oh but so-and-so built an empire overnight while frolicking through daisies, so why the hell can't I?" No, so-and-so failed and cried and lost and messed up and sucked at life some days.

You just didn't see it because Instagram had them on the beach in Hawaii sipping a mixed drink. In reality, their mom paid for the trip because they were broke and not pictured is the boyfriend that dumped them a week before.

So yeah, I suck. Man I really, really suck. I'm totally lost at what to do sometimes in my business, I didn't even know how to eat enough food for two years, I yell at my fiancee over stupid things and I never fold laundry. Ever.  But I'm not going to let those things stop me from going for what I want 100%. And failing harder. Anything worth going for is going to be riddled with failure. There isn't a way around that. None. So may as well keep on screwing up.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see what leftovers I can find in the fridge. I wish I could report that nothing ever makes me sick from in there, but unfortunately, last week, something did. I don't seem to be missing an exit like the leader of North Korea. Guess that means, I am only human, and I may indeed be visiting the porcelain throne later. How's that for today's highlight reel!

You Can Give a Panda Wings, But You Can't Make Him Fly

Remember when you were a little kid, and any time past 8 PM was some kind of magical, forbidden hour you weren't allowed to ever see? What went on at that time, while you were shackled to your race car toddler bed, curtains closed even though the sun was still up on a July night, and told you had to go to sleep?

Sometimes, you might dare crack open the door, you could hear the TV, maybe your mom was knitting yet another scarfsweaterblanket, and you older sister was doing brain busting math problems, calculating how many grapefruits Sally would have if she multiplied her current supply times five, added "x" and ate the rest. A stomachache and diarrhea. That's what Sally would have.

You would run past the scene to "go to the bathroom" and investigate this magical land of the night. There didn't SEEM to be anything special. No flying pandas, no glitter and fireworks in the kitchen. WHY were you never allowed to see this time then?! "GET BACK IN YOUR ROOM AND GO TO SLEEP" your parents would soon shout, having caught on to your plans. You'd sulk back to bed, and swear you couldn't wait to be old so you could just stay up all night!!

Anybody seen this guy?

Well, eventually that time came, and you went from going to sleep at 7PM to waking up then. You realized there WERE indeed flying pandas and glitter and fireworks in the wee hours of the night, and they could often be found at the bottom of a bottle of Jack. There was no "bedtime" anymore.  As a matter of fact, your parents would call you a lazy ass and scream every weekend at you to get OUT of bed during daylight hours. It was awesome....for a while.

Then you got like, a j-o-b. They wanted you to start at the ungodly hour of 8 AM. Suddenly, staying up till 8:30 AM all summer left exactly....negative 30 minutes of sleep every night. Wasn't going to work..... So  you started to go to sleep earlier. First 1 AM, then midnight, then 11, then one night in your mid twenties when you found yourself in between the sheets, alone, in your sweatpants at 8:42 PM it hit you....you grew up. You were going to sleep at this time without your parents yelling at you. You got up at 6 AM because YOU WANTED TO. No one had to tell you to. You had lived and learned. And only then, were you able to realize the serious value of a proper sleep schedule. No one could have told you at four years old that there was nothing special about the night. No one could have told you at 16 that it was worth getting up before noon. You had to make this discovery and conclusion on  your own. (Some people are still working on it ;) )

The point there is, as I was thinking this week, I realized, you just cant make anyone do anything that they don't want to do, and do it well. Its so simple, yet we continue to try. We offer incentives. Most of them monetary. If you get up and mop this nasty floor or analyze these numbers for 8 hrs today, I will give you the money to get those new kicks you've been wanting, or pay your rent! That motivates us to do what we just don't want to. We slog through. We collect $200. We pass go. We circle the board again. 

I see the same in the fitness world. You tell people they have to do this, this and this to get in shape. Time and time again they "slip up". Ooops, I just HAD to eat that cake, my mom was in town, and I just love sugar! You were too sore to do your cardio, so you didn't. You had a stomachache so you couldn't lift at all this week. Your dog had to go out so you couldn't leave home. I've heard all those and more as to why people cant do something. It's to a point now where, when I offer fitness advice, I go in expecting you NOT to listen. Most people simply do not. If you do, you have blown my socks off. I realize you WANT this. YOU and only YOU want this. I didn't make you want it. You made that choice somewhere inside you, that you wanted to hit that goal. That goal became more important than any piece of cake, it propelled you through being sore, it helped you find a way to let the dog out AND make your lifts.

The same goes in this career path I've chosen. My dad told me for the longest time it was a great idea and I would love it. But I resisted. I wanted to do what everyone else was doing and just work a normal job and go to work picnics and wear a skirt. I did that. I had to learn the hard way, that it wasn't what I thought. I then started my business, not because he wanted me to, but eventually it was ME that wanted to. I wasn't happy, and I had to reach my OWN breaking point to change.

Funny thing is, a lot of people seem to have a much higher bullshit tolerance than others. Most people seem to figure "this is the way it is" about everything, from the state of their fitness, their job, their life. They shut off and tamp down their desires to do anything else long, long after they want to. They resist other people telling them what they could do to improve their situation and get mad when its suggested. They don't want it bad enough, they think its too hard.

But whats harder, secretly wasting  your life slogging away, a slave to money, to other peoples expectations, to your own idea of what it "should" be? Or is it harder to put in the work necessary to make a change? BOTH are hard. Pick your poison.  It was hard doing a job I hated. It's also really really hard doing a job I love, for entirely different reasons. The path isn't laid out for me, I'm not just grinding my days out. I'm instead fueled by a new kind of grind. its a much lighter feeling. Its electric almost instead of dead and flat. I'm out there pushing but the rewards when they come are that much sweeter, despite the failures being that much scarier. Its what keeps me doing this. Id rather work doing new things for this, than ever be stuck in a passionless position. If I ever do return to working elsewhere, it will be because I needed/wanted to to attain a goal, be that pay the rent, or a change of some sort. Ill dance in a lobster suit if you'll notice my biz and become my customer as a result. I'll do math and keep spreadsheets and calendars. I'll be late for the gym to make a delivery. I'll call people I don't know whereas when I was a kid I wouldn't call ANYONE and I hated the phone. It all changes when there's a PURPOSE!

Same thing with fitness (as usual, there are so many parallels!) It hurts to do cardio sometimes yeah. Lifting is hard, sometimes I want to eat ALL the chocolate and peanut butter and I'm HUNGRY. I choose not to eat cake because my family is in town. I instead choose to hang out with my family and enjoy their company. I do this every single day, because I WANT TO KNOW that I did everything I could to get as far as I could. The only person that loses if I "slip up" is ME. Why do that to myself, aren't my goals worth more?

Put you first. YOU only get one life here. Get fired up about something. If you've told your inner voice to shut up for so long, let it speak instead. Find the motivation to do the things you have always wanted in yourself because if you don't find it, YOU WILL NEVER, EVER DO THEM. If you're waiting for someone to make you, you ll be waiting a long time. You need to want it for you. I can't tell you to do something and make you do it. Your mom cant make you. Your friends cant make you. You need to live out the experiences to get you where you are and LISTEN to them. Don't tamp them down and continue to be mediocre. You need to get to the point where you've had enough and then you need to make the change rather than ignore the signs as so many do. YOU need to stop making excuses for yourself. Only you can do that. Otherwise, you may as well sit around at 2 AM looking for flying pandas in the dark to take you to the perfect life in a cloud of glitter and highly advanced pyrotechnics. Well hey, let me know if you see any! That'd be pretty cool....

I'm On the Pursuit of Happiness and I Know, Everything that Shine Ain't Always Gonna be Gold, HEY

I hate math as its taught in schools. I was always terrible at it. I still remember when I first realized I was terrible at it. Second grade. Those worksheets where you had to do problems as fast as you could, and the winner that got them all right got some kind of prize. Maybe a glitter pencil of one of those huge triangle erasers that just looked like candy and made you get a craving for a Starburst or ten. Anyways, it was time for another fun round of worksheet racing, but this time, it was division. I still can't do long division. Like you could threaten to take my life with a dagger to my throat,  and I probably couldn't figure out long division. Everyone is finishing up, and the winner is already grinding their new glitter pencil to a fine point in the sharpener. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there and I can't get one problem. Not one. I'm the last kid still sitting at the desks. I feel panic rising in my stomach and I just want to run out of that room and hide in the woods where long division doesn't exist. But I cant so I sit there until the teacher finally notices the hot tears that have begun running down my face and comes over.

Who remembers these?!

Now, I have a few friends who are math teachers. They probably have a nice collection of glitter pencils somewhere in their closet at home, shiny like special unicorn horns. But in my experience, many math teachers, have been...mean. Not mean people persey, but just plain canNOT fathom how ANYONE has difficulty understanding long division. Or algebra. Or why x is just a letter near the end of the alphabet in some peoples minds. I have had, in my school career all the way up into college, math teachers who have given me serious 'tude because I, Tamara Morrison, struggle with math. One professor in college even went so far as to say to me when I asked for help "You should know this, shouldn't you? I don't have time you will need to study it on your own." I remember she was obsessed with the gym. So I cant hate her entirely. But, what she failed to realize here is that HEY MATH DOESN'T COME EASY TO EVERYONE!!! Just because you basically must have popped out of the womb with an algebra how to manual implanted in your soul, doesn't mean I did.

And that is the point of this post today. Its about realizing that not everyone defines success/happiness/talent the same as YOU and that's fine. Somewhere in my journey to not really caring what anyone else thinks came that realization. For ME, success is being independent, not being in an office for work, freedom. I don't want kids. Like ever. Yeah that's right I'm a 26 yr old girl that isn't interested in kids. You think I will change. I think you're wrong. It makes me happy to chase big goals. I don't get nervous putting my ideas out there. I don't get scared to step on a stage. I don't want to live a mediocre life. I want to do something different. And I'm happier now than I think I've ever been because I'm doing what I love even though people told me it was crazy.

That's my dream, but I know people that want to be moms more than ANYTHING. I mean whole face lights up when they talk about it. My mom was one of those people. She didn't want to run a business or come up with crazy ideas. Didn't interest her at all. She wanted to be a stay at home mom. That was her dream. And she did it. That is nothing like my dream. Its quite opposite. But she was HAPPY. She was terribly happy.  I know people who love routine. SERIOUSLY love it. They like sitting in an office, they like having everything thought out and then going home and enjoying some time or hobbies. I know people who go live in Africa for years, with no running water because they want to volunteer and they believe they are doing good. I know guys in relationships with other guys and they own a house and a puppy together. All these people do not live the life that fires ME up and would make me happy. But they are happy. You can tell when someone has passion and happiness and excitement for life. They all have it. So stop questioning it. Stop asking yourself or other people how so and so can be happy living THAT life? ANYONE who has discovered their happiness or is on the way to that, should get respect for that. Because there are SO MANY who have not.

You know the ones I mean. The whiners, the sad souls. Maybe right now, you are one. The people who are so not happy with anything they are doing but, refuse to create change. The biggest reason seems to be (and we always fall back on this one) is what other people are saying/thinking. Someone told you your dreams are stupid. You think if you tell anyone your dreams, they WILL say you're stupid. People told me this too. My old boss one time said to me "What are you going to do if you don't do this? There's nothing else for you, you cant be a designer anywhere, this is the best you can do" Sure it got to me. But I refused to believe it. A  0.30995 second Google search shows me thousands of people who ARE designers. With my education and levels of knowledge. With less money saved. With less support. The proof is easy to see. If they could do it why the hell not me?! I'm not a special unicorn! If they could do it why not me? They freaking had to do some work for it. They didn't just wake up and have this happen. Working for change is GOING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE. All those happy people, they know that. A lot of times, I don't feel like calling people, I don't want to think about all those huge ugly numbers putting quotes together (math!) It sucks. Id rather be eating chocolate and scrolling Facebook. In my cube life, I could. Money was made even scrolling Facebook. But not now. Maybe that stay at home mom feels like dog shit today. She doesn't WANT to deal with three kids today. Its hard. They annoy her today. She'd rather be on the beach with a glass of wine. Maybe that gay couple with the puppy don't feel like being gawked at today in the supermarket. But screw it. Shut off the emotions and just do it. I just do the quote. The mom just deals with the kids. The couple goes to the store. And in the end they all emerge happier and stronger. NO ONE ever regretted the outcome of pushing harder at a goal. No one.

So you know what, math teachers past? Not everyone gets math. Not everyone is good at that. It's not the only way to be smart, or happy. Not everyone wants to be fit like me. Not everyone wants to compete. Some people just want to fit into their jeans from two years ago. Not everyone wants to run a business. Not everyone CAN. It would be like asking a fish to fly. It's not utilizing what that fish does and loves best. And yeah, I don't want to be a mom, or get a "real safe" job or stop training for competitions or go back to college. Stop asking. If it changes Ill let ya know. I am, right now, happy. I can only hope you are, too. If you AREN'T, that's the people I feel for, the people I wish I could help change. Help them somehow erase their often self imposed restrictions on doing what it is they are best at and most passionate about. I don't care if its building igloos at the North Pole, joining the gypsies, or working at the meat counter at Stop and Shop. If you want it, find a way to put in the work to get it. NOTHING ever came easy worth having. Don't find fault in other people's happiness and skills. My dad always said of his crew when he was manager at a car dealership, his people were all like different tools in his box. Some were good at some things, others at something else. Together they made a great team. But forcing someone to do something they aren't good at/didn't like always always backfired. Ok, now its time to do some quotes. Thank God for the calculator. There aren't enough glitter pencils and candy erasers (remember the strawberry scented ones?!) to make me do long division by hand ever again.

If YOU need a logo, shirts, or complete marketing materials, visit me at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com! 

Why A Lack of Patience, Just Ain't Gonna Cut the Mustard!

You know what? With most things,  I am NOT what you might call,  a patient person. I hate waiting. I don't like standing in lines. I hate stop lights. (Don't even get me started on the stop lights in the town where I live, we could have an entire blog on that...) I go nuts when I want to eat (that's basically always), and I'm trying to open a new bottle or jar and there is one of those stupid plastic unbreakable seals and once you slice that bastard off there's another stupid seal under the lid. "Sealed for Your Protection," they always boast. Look, I'm at the point where I'd rather risk contracting incurable venereal diseases than fight with this stupid plastic. Therefore I'd rather you protected me just a TAD less, and let me have some damn mustard, or the one that's going to need protection is YOU, French's.

NIGHTMARES

I lose my cool over packages that take 304959 years to deliver. What, is this thing coming from Mars, or New Jersey?  I, like many people in today's society, want what I want and I want it now. But at the same token, I've noticed I'm able to shut my impatience off for a couple of things in my life. I realized just how important that ability IS, and how it really can help a person achieve long term goals. Impatience, like so many things we deal with is just an emotion. Control that, and you will have a much easier time finding success in all areas of your life. Trouble is, most people don't seem to know how! It can be learned though, by changing how you think about your big goals.

Most people who read this probably know, I am an NPC Bikini Competitor, and I had a competition this past weekend. I took second in that competition, and I made so much improvement over last year where I took dead last in this same show. More important than that, was that I was absolutely floored by the amount of texts, messages, and well wishes and congratulations that I got on that competition. I have never really been motivating to anyone that I was aware of, and to have so many people tell me that, literally blew me away! So humbled and grateful! So I wanted to thank everyone for that, as a side note! Fitness however, is one example of something in my life, where impatience is NOT a factor for me. Building a killer physique is NOT going to ever be a fast process. IT TAKES YEARS. You all see how I look on that stage and yeah, that's great, but you must know, it has taken me upwards of FIVE YEARS to even get this far!!

I still remember my 19th birthday, it was also Father's Day, so the entire family went for a hike to the Heublein Tower in Farmington CT. It's basically straight uphill to the top for a good 20-30 minutes. I. Was. DYING. I was wheezing and sweating and it was just miserable. My mom said "I worry about you, you NEVER get any exercise!" She was right. Ever since I'd started dating my other half, we had sunken into a happy place of french fries and ice cream dates and nights on the sofa. For the first time in my life that summer, I was putting on some pudge. And I knew it. I remember I vowed on that day to do SOMETHING, no matter how little, to get some exercise, and stop eating so much crap. That began my love affair with research via the internet. I tried so many things you have no idea. I tried 100% squeaky clean eating and "jogging". God I HATE running. The shin splints killed me. It was so boring. I didn't get any leaner. What abs? I then started lifting weights. Along with the iron, I lifted every piece of food I saw that was "clean" into my mouth, under the excuse that I lifted, I could have it. I gained weight and NOTHING fit. I told myself it was all muscle. I still didn't have any abs. I decided it MUST be carbs that were keeping me from my dream body. I proceeded to stop eating them. I mean STOP. I didn't eat a single piece of fruit, bread, potato or candy for over a YEAR. Ill tell you what I did eat though. JARS of nut butter and cans of mixed nuts. There were barely any carbs so it was ok right? WRONG. I weighed more than ever! All that jogging wasn't even working. So I did more research, and took a totally new approach to everything, and slowly, got it right. I learned a lot of what didn't work the hard way. I don't run anymore. EVER. I HATE IT! I eat carbs. I DON'T eat uncontrolled handfuls of nuts anymore ( hmm probably the giant amount of calories in 309845 handfuls of nuts a day couldddd be why I wasn't getting lean!) The point here is, the end result you see there, took me YEARS. I have YEARS to go on those goals too. If that didn't teach long term goal patience.....I don't think anything can.

The same mindset I had with fitness, is how I am able to start and run and continue to develop my design business. I started design back in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I took my first class in eighth grade and I actually won an award at the end of the year for something I made, I think it was a box for golf balls, hah! That was 13....YES THIRTEEN years ago. I was 13 years old and I'm now 26. I've been working on honing that passion for HALF OF MY LIFE. I went down a long and mistake riddled road on the way to where I am here now, just as I did with fitness. I got caught up in what everyone else was doing in high school, I stopped designing and started Facebooking. My parents encouraged me to pursue design and a business/freelance career, I just wanted to do what everyone else was doing and go to four year college and be a "corporate person" or something, and work in a nice office with nice heels and skirts and my name on some cube. Yes, at one point, I WANTED that. I wanted to do what I thought adulthood meant. And so, I got myself an office job or two and well, you know the rest. You know I hated it. The free spirit kid I'd always been was still in there somewhere and she wanted out.

The point of these stories is, that these are two big, giant areas of my life where patience wins. And I'm OK with that. Here's why: Because the way I look at it is in terms of the big picture. I am NOT going to be an IFBB Pro athlete tomorrow. Or next year, or next week. I am NOT going to be a millionaire with a thriving business either. Not now. But, the biggest thing that keeps me going to bed so happy every night,, is knowing I made a chip in those goals, every single day. Forget being rich, or a pro, or all the glory. The road is so long, you can't see the end. ACCEPT THAT. Forget the end. That's the biggest secret I have to getting somewhere. Forget the end. Everyday just drive another mile down that road. DO NOT STOP. Do not stay inside and sleep. Get in the car and get on that road. So what you didn't make $10203 today. Did you talk to one more person who might give you some work? Did you respond to another few emails from prospects? Did you call someone with their estimate? Yes? Ok then you did not waste this day. You did not. Did you instead sit there and think about the cigarette boat you're going to buy when when General Mills asks you, personally, to redesign their entire line of cereals, while simultaneously watching Friends reruns saying you'll start tomorrow? Then sorry, you wasted that day. You will never succeed. 

So the take away here? Patience is an emotion and YOU have control. Part of that control, is breaking your big aspirations down into actual small goals that you can focus on TODAY. You will not meet that big goal today. Or next year. But you will eventually get there, IF you keep moving in smaller steps. I NEVER thought I'd actually HAVE a full time business, or step on a physique stage. Then one day it happened. There's still so much to do, but its progress. You can't ask for more. Stop asking yourself for more than little steps. Let that expectation go. Sleep at night with your big goal still un-achieved (!) But, DO SOMETHING even if its TINY. Let that be enough for today. Repeat tomorrow, and the next day and the next. Like dirty socks, you just add a couple to the pile a day and before you know it, its rolling out of the hamper and you can't even contain it anymore! Of course no ones ultimate life goal is doing laundry (again) but, LITTLE THINGS ADD UP OVER TIME!!

I still hate those damn plastic food seals. But, if I just calm down and remove the label in a human manner instead of that of a rabid chipmunk, I would probably still hit my goal of mustard covered bliss, with a lot less trouble. Pshhh who are we kidding, can't always be patient.....time to eat........!

"I Think There's Been a Mistake..." "Did You Say STEAK?!?" "No, MIStake!"

You know what I could go for right this second? A burger. Like one of those big juicy ones, totally still mooing on the inside, grill charred on the outside. On top, Id like mushrooms and onions, but not raw onions, because I'll burp those up until July 4th. I'd also like some cheese. Cheddar. Lots of serious ketchup. And mustard. No bun, and a pickle.

FOODPORN!!!

Ok ok, I'm totally dreaming of what I will have after I walk the stage this weekend to compete in my first NPC Bikini show this season. If you know me (or if ya don't) you know I have been preparing for this thing for basically a year, when I did terrible in my last show, for many reasons. I could have chosen to run and hide and never give it another shot, but dammit I just love to lift weights too much and if so many other people could get into stage shape, why not me? I decided this time, I would do it my way, or no way. I'm not one for following direction. Never was. For me, its never enough to have just listened to someone and done something, I need to know the WHY and the HOW. If someone tells me what to do with no reasoning behind it, I struggle to even bother to DO it!! Plus, I've learned I need to say I did something MYSELF, or it's a nearly worthless accomplishment in my mind. That's my independent streak talking I suppose. Anyhow,  I decided I would learn this getting shredded things for myself, and if I looked decent come show season, I'd give it a go.

I ended up turning out an OK product over the past year, so this weekend that's just what I'm going to do. I've had some great help and support along the way, those people know who they are. But ultimately, this is me and me alone. My project, my product, my work.

Now, I don't believe in turning away good advice and help, and hearing it and processing it alone can teach you so very much. Listen to what people who have been in your shoes before you say, and then do what you will with it, but always LISTEN!!! It's all part of your path, and even bad or wrong advice, can show you what is RIGHT when you may not have seen it before.

Fitness, is so much like business. I may elaborate on that in another post some time. But, even Sir Richard Branson, who started over 400 companies under Virgin Group, said the secret to success? "Work out."

Why? I think, because it requires a certain mentality. The external after all, is a manifestation of the internal. Yeah, your grey matter. Your brain. Its more powerful than your physical being. So if you can grasp the mentality it takes to create an elite physique (or even a better than average one, which isn't a crazy aspiration in America) what the $*#& else can you do?!?!

I'm not here now to tell you entirely how to get into that mindset. Some of it is probably personality type. I'm a little OCD about details, but I am THE LEAST organized person ever. Do you want to see my kitchen right now? No, no you don't. (Sorry mom and dad!!) But, when I design, I measure to the millimeter to center things. I count my diet like one extra mushroom will result in needing to ride one of those scooters around the Wal-Mart. I pay disgustingly close attention to artistic detail. But I can't see how dirty the shower is. Probably a little bit sick in the head. :P

At any rate, the point here today is, no matter what goal you are pursuing, you're chicken shit scared and you probably aren't going for it as much as you could be. What are you scared of most? Mistakes. Messing up. More importantly, public mistakes. Because you care what people think. Look back at old posts where I already told you that.

Last year on that stage, I kinda looked terrible. I did two shows last year, but I only really ever talk about one. Because the second one, I was dead last. I was unprepared. My diet was a mess and I was hardly following one anymore. My hair was barely done. I looked unkempt and brought a half assed package to that stage. I messed up. It was public. Everyone saw. It was my fault for not taking control of my situation and being responsible for myself that day.

I see the same in business. Recently, I made a mistake there too. I messed up. I missed an error. I had 1000 of something printed up and they were all incorrect. It happened. It's going to happen. Because despite my detail orientation, I am human. I make mistakes. I miss things. And when it happens, it will be public. People will see. People will hear. Sometimes, in other unfortunate cases recently, things blow up and mistakes even make the news.

At first, I was disturbed. I didn't want a bad reputation, I was honestly questioning my own abilities, and wondering if I even DESERVED to work with anyone else if I was just going to disappoint them or make more mistakes. You can always be more careful. But you have to realize there's ALWAYS a risk of mistakes. ALWAYS ALWAYS. Why the hell would I let that risk set me back, TAKE RISKS or you simply cannot progress.

Then I thought about that physique show. Yeah I publicly messed up. But NO ONE REMEMBERS. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps after that blunder and I didn't quit. I found another way. I kept doing it because I love it. And I ignored the failure of last time. I blocked it out. I moved on. This weekend a lot of people, probably you if you are reading this and you know me, are going to be watching me to see how I do in this show. You've maybe been watching me work on my self project for a while now. And I may totally lose and bomb out again. Might make a mistake. Might fail. And hundreds of people will see. But I'm not scared of that because no matter the outcome, I know that journey was worth it, not for the end result but for the other 364 days I worked to get there. And there will be 364 more to follow, because I love to train and I'm not doing this to prove anything to anyone.

People ask how I get up there and I'm not nervous. Because why should I be? It's nothing in the end. Its 30 seconds. It's 30 seconds out of millions of seconds of my life, for a purely physical sport. There will be years of shows ahead of me if I so choose to participate in them.

And in my business, there will be years ahead to progress in that, as well. I will certainly make more mistakes. 100% freakin guaranteed. But I can't let that fear hold me back from showing you and everyone else exactly what I'm capable of and how I can help you. Handle mistakes with honor. Don't ignore them or run from them, but instead apologize, face them, fix them, work around them, and most importantly, learn from them! They, like all those people who offer advice, are the best teachers on your path. Everything and everyone you encounter brings you where you need to go. Let it. Risk it. Don't fear opinions. Fail and fail publicly. Let everyone see you do it. Hell, give them binoculars. What of it? You'll still wake up tomorrow and you'll still find happiness in the things you love. Let that fear of MISTAKES go and instead, strive to make as many damn mistakes as it takes to learn enough to be very successful. The only mistake you should stop making, is inaction. That one is the ultimate blunder that simply cannot be overcome. So get off your asses now and go screw something up with enthusiasm!

On the upside, this writing took just long enough, that its almost dinner time! No burger or steak yet, (or chocolate, I realllllly want some fudge covered peanut butter, or peanut butter covered fudge) but
I do get some pretty tasty eats. Somewhere, someone gets none tonight. Somewhere, some cow is settling in for his last evening before becoming my post show refeed. Ok, that was a little depressing. Sorry! Keep the vibes positive people! Until next time!

If you want to risk an awesome encounter for you next design or tshirt project, check me out at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com . Mistakes not guaranteed ;)

Meet the Tees - BEAST MODE ENGAGED!

"Motivation is a fire from within. If someone else tries to light that fire under you, chances are it will burn very briefly. — Stephen R. Covey"

If anything has changed my life in recent years, I would have to say it was my time spent in the gym. For many people, the gym seems to be a sort of torture chamber, a punishment for eating too much cake the day before, or watching too much TV. They go in, do their time, and get out, thankful that its over. For me, that was never the case. I am not sure why exactly, but I became addicted shortly after my first visit. I always liked the idea of being strong, not being a wimp, showing up the boys, and getting a reaction out of people. And because I'm not like most girls in the gym, I do get some interesting reactions. I suppose that desire to impress myself and others is what keeps me so motivated. There's no end to what you can do, how your actions can help shape your body, which in turn shapes your mind. If you put tons of drive, discipline, effort, and research into making a physical change in your body, and you watch it happen from the inside out, and you tweak it and you build it how you want, its just a very inspiring thing. If you could do that, if you could devote yourself to something with so much passion that you could make a change that you can see and feel, what ELSE can you do? With just as much passion, you could do literally ANYTHING. Start a business, build a car from the ground up, travel the world, whatever it is that you consider just a dream today. For a lot of people, its just too hard. People like easy. People like fast. It's taken me three years to get where I am in my gym training and my running. I was a wimp the day I started. I had no idea what I was doing, I couldn't even run a mile. Success took hundreds of hours, tons of research, and just a small step was climbed each day. That experience however, has taught me so much. Its taught me that all things worthwhile take time. They also take research. Lots of research. Perhaps most importantly, they take confidence. Confidence grows every time you hit even a small goal. It inspires you to keep going, and go even harder the next time around. No one else is doing what you are? Who cares, be the one person who dares to try whats not normal. Go harder because you can. Who the hell said you can't? Just that little voice in your head, because if any other person is telling you you can't it doesn't matter. Don't accept anything less then 100%,  in anything you do. Don't feel like it today? Too bad. Lots of people don't feel like doing what it takes to be successful today. Those who get somewhere, will do it anyways. Those who get nowhere, will think up an excuse and do the minimum, again. It is this realization and mentality, that has even lead me to start my own design business. I wouldn't have the confidence or faith to do this, if I didn't have proof that if you work harder, than anyone else, than your average person, you can really reach your goals. It's much the same as the gym mentality. Don't get discouraged by minor setback. Accept it and move on. Accepting that each day will not be perfect is part of being sucessful in the end, because if you don't those hangups will strangle you. Try harder than anyone else. Research, and do lots of it. And don't quit. Never, ever stop trying to find that magic formula for success, even when you don't feel like it.

In honor of my love for fitness, I have created a couple of gym centered designs. The one featured here, "Beast Mode Engaged", is just meant to represent the excitement and drive that often comes with a great workout, the drive to kick your own ass, and excel beyond what you have achieved before. In other words, to become a "beast" and take no excuses, no mercy, no whining, and to go all out because you can and you have nothing to lose.

The gym may not be your thing. But whatever you do, have SOME thing, where you can engage your inner "beast". I don't care if its building model airplanes, acting out World War II battles, raising children, or selling stamps. Pick something you are passionate about, and give it 110% until you excel. Because passionless people are in no short supply. And as Dave Matthews says in his song "Lie in Our Graves", "I can't believe that we would lie in our graves wondering if we had spent our living days well." Don't wonder, be positive. Unlike the "Beast Mode Engaged button, life has no repeat button.

Grab this shirt for only $21.95 TODAY @ www.youreaditcustomshirts.com/Store.html, or suggest another gym themed shirt you'd like to see using the Suggestion Box!