Friends Till The End.....Why Don't We Have More?

Every now and again, you find yourself at a funeral. Sad music, sad people, weird clothes. A body on display like a turkey on the Thanksgiving table, except you're not sure if you should look or not. Can the deceased hear you? Are they really dead? What's dead like? 

Who will be there?

I found myself in such a situation, when my then boyfriend, now fiance's grandfather passed a few years back. I sat with the family, looped in a solemn horseshoe formation around the casket as people paid their last respects.

As I watched everyone pass, I couldn't help but feel suddenly, overwhelmingly out of place. Here I was, only having known the man for the past five years, yet I was front and center for the last moments of his time above ground.

I wanted to be there, wanted to support my boyfriend, but I wondered, was this who he expected to be left standing when he died? Would he be disappointed with this turnout? Did I even deserve to be here?

In 70 plus years of life, just think of all the people he'd known. From his first friends in grade school, to high school, his first job, former girlfriends, bosses, people he'd met doing sports, the list goes on and on and on.

And at the very end, here was me and a few other people. And this is who and what it'd all come down to.

That got me thinking about how sad and how scary it is, that we can all count on one hand the people who TRULY care about us. We go through people in our lives like we do coffee filters, and the time we take to brew each relationship before we change that filter, seems to be getting increasingly shorter.

How many people have you lost? No I don't mean they died, I mean simply "lost touch" with? Not because you wanted to or should have (that's a whole different story) but simply because you nor they could be bothered to continue to hold the relationship together? Your best friend in elementary school, do you still talk? Your college roommate? The person you met in zumba class and went to dinner with a few times?

Our relationships these days seem like a revolving door. We meet because we have something in common, be it work, hobbies, classes, mutual friends, whatever. We talk, we bond, we hang out, and then slowly, slowly, we talk less. We stop hanging out. Someone moves. Lives change. And soon we don't talk anymore at all. All those little things we told each other no longer even matter. We didn't mean enough to each other to withstand the heavy pull of life.

And I have to admit, sometimes it breaks my heart.

How many times have we become close to someone for a time, telling them every detail of our day to day lives, only to have it fade away as though we'd barely met at all?

Perhaps this is a natural part of life, and we're only meant to know some people for a very short time. They might come into our lives to help us with a problem or solve an issue, and for nothing more. But sometimes, maybe it would be nice to forge more friendships that would last until the end of our lives.

Not fancy, hang out every second friendships, but friendships that you could pick up right where you left off, friends that will be there for you no matter what happens friends that love you. We all have a few like that. Why cant we have more?

Relationships, like everything worth having in life, take work. We seem to want to do less and less work. It's easier to simply stop working to be a good friend and find someone else that fits our current needs. People and things change, and its easier to go out and find replacements than to work on what we already have, and add to it.

I'm guilty of holding onto strings better left to fray. When I befriend someone I try to give it my all, but I can say the only people who haven't let me down are a couple of my girls and my fiance. Probably good that I'm marrying him then!! ;)

Everyone else turns out to be somewhat of a letdown, They stop talking to me suddenly or slowly, they fade away without reason, they lose interest in working for a friendship. It makes me sad. But I know that I am not alone. I see it happen everywhere, with everyone. I'm sure I'm guilty of being the letdown at least once, too.

Naturally, that's made me less sensitive to people that talk to me. "New friends" if you will. I am always happy to get to know people but I don't expect much to come of it. I don't expect them to remember me when I'm 75, or 45, or in many cases, 30.

What does this teach us? To always embrace ourselves and our independence. The things that keep me happy I've learned to find within myself, my design, my work, my goals. Fitness. My dogs. People are additions to your life, and shouldn't ever become your reason to exist, or your motivation to go for those things you want for yourself.

Perhaps you must let them fall in and out of your life, maybe that's how its supposed to be. Perhaps life is meant to be lived meeting, loving and losing as many friends as we can.

That doesn't mean it isn't sad when we realize someone we used to (or still do) care about has stopped talking to us slowly. That doesn't make it any easier when we leave a job and we never see the person we spent day in and day out with, ever again.

What if it didn't have to be that way? What if we put a little more effort into telling the people that we want in our lives, that we want them there? Or better yet, showing them. What would we have to lose? I'm not talking about horrible exes, or mean bosses, or former friends who turned into something we don't even want to know anymore.

No I'm talking about those silent faders, where nothing ever went wrong, nothing really changed, but the friendship ended because no one put in the effort. Those are the saddest losses, those are the ones that make us wonder if anyone truly cares about us at all.

So...... go out there, weather it be in your personal life or your business life, and send an old friend a message. Meet up. Tell your current friends they mean something, and don't allow them to fade without any negative reason for doing so. Cut people slack. Forgive minor imperfections and offenses.

Put in some damn effort. Just like you should with your professional life, your spouse, your kids your health and your pets. Put in some effort and care a little bit.

Someday that's gonna be you. Laying in that coffin. When all is said and done who is going to be there to remember you and what you meant in your time here? Assuming they haven't passed before you of course, who will be able to say they really knew you through a big portion of this thing called life?

Who will you support throughout this life, who do you want there. There's never a wrong time to remind them of that. Remind them now. Before the sad music and the weird clothes and the coffin thing.

Before its too late.

Cut the Crap, Nothing's Perfect!

There are some citizens of North Korea that believe their Dear Leader doesn't have an asshole. That's right, they believe he's a God. Gods don't eat leftover sushi that's been in the fridge one day too long and spend the next seven hours on the porcelain throne begging for mercy.

But...... I do.

And so you do. 

The "Dear Leader" of North Korea, Kim Jong-un. Yes, he sh$#s!

So many of us only portray to the outside world what we WANT to look like. What we want everyone to see. We Facebook  and Instagram about our super cool awesome lives.

Our big move to Texas. Our engagement to the perfect person. Our new baby. Our 20 lbs weightloss. We look damn near like we're living the dream to all our adoring "fans" that scroll by our content. We hope secretly, in some twisted way, that someone will be jealous of us and the awesomeness that spills from our carefully presented personalities. And they are. Just like YOU get a twinge of envy when you see the supposedly perfect lives of those around you.

But here's what you don't know. That girl that moved to Texas can't find a good job and misses her family more than she thought she would. That perfect couple had a big fight the other night and sometimes they can't freaking stand each other. That new baby kept mom up all night and while shes happy, shes tired and sometimes she misses her old life and just wants to go for drinks with friends. That girl that lost 20 lbs was only eating a few crackers and coffee for three months to get there. You see where I'm going.

It's all lies and exaggerations. All these people you thought were so awesome, struggle too.

I'm guilty of that in part myself. I've been doing great, no seriously great (not lying!) with my business. As I approach a year of doing this on my own, I really can't ask for a lot more. It's been a crazy ride of learning and figuring out what the hell I'm doing!

But waittttt isn't one of my other passions fitness? Didn't I used to pick up heavy shit and put it down and compete on a stage wearing about 18 square inches of glittered blinged out fabric? Yeah. That was indeed me.

Anyone that knows me knows that with me, its 110% or its 0%. There IS no moderate, no in between.

Right now my kitchen's a mess. I think maybe, there's a new species breeding in the sink. I've stepped over my pants from Monday on the floor about 3040 times. That's the kitchen floor. I don't know how they got there. (Get your mind out of the gutter!) That's my 0%.

And then, there was fitness. For the last two years, I've ran hill sprints until I fell over and lifted weights for nearly 3 hours a day 6 days a week. Ran up the stair master until I looked like I'd just been dragged through a swamp for an hour. I starved and ignored it and stuffed a family sized bag of spinach into my face to fill the space where chocolate ice cream should have gone once and a while.

And I loved it. I loved pushing unbelievably hard and doing what most people would have given up on a long long ago. Competing in what is arguably the hardest sport in the world, propelled me to quit my job and start a business and push like hell for THAT too. Don't want to go sell yourself to strangers? Think of it like cardio! Put the blinders on and just go do it. Don't think. Do. You will finish. There is no other way. That was my mentality and still is when I want something.

But unfortunately unlike in business, the body has a point of diminishing returns on the work and time invested into it. After I stepped off that stage it slowly hit me. I was so sick of being hungry. I was sick of eating spinach. I was sick of being cold. I was sick of my hair thinning and having wacked out hormones. I was sick of being tired all the time. I was just sick.

That in no way should discourage anyone else from getting in shape or even competing as healthfully as they can, by the way. I'll say it again, I was EXTREME. I dieted for two years with no break. If someone was walking for cardio I had to run. If someone was lean I had to get leaner. If someone was lifting a lot I had to lift more, for longer duration. I had to do everything the hard way just to say that I could.

My 110% effort was suddenly bringing me down. I had no choice but to finally eat more and to lay off my insane workouts. I worked out like a normal person. I did a little easy cardio. I ate a lot of food. And my veins and cuts disappeared and the scale approached ghastly numbers.

I hated it. I knew I needed it but after being the Mayor of Shredsville for two years, I had  to get on the bus to Normalville and move away. I packed my bags ( most of which was packed into my ass, thank goodness!) and became a "normal fit girl".

It's freaking weird. As far as fitness right now I'm a moderate and balanced normal girl. I lift. I eat ice cream. I feel freaking great. But I'm not this shredded up little freak right now. And I would be lying if I said I don't miss it. It was different. It got compliments.  And yes, It got me business.

Business is one thing where I don't think it will hurt me to give my 110%. And I will continue to do just that. Ain't no one else going to get to the top of this game for me. That too, is really freaking scary and hard. And sometimes, yeah I cry over it. I'm human, just like you.

The point of this little tale is just that. Everyone has this highlight reel that they display, be it over social media, or in person when they talk about their lives. When things don't go perfectly, we don't often share. I've all but stopped posting to my fitness Instagram admittedly, because why? Shall I go "Oh here is me "undoing" all my hard work and failing! Look at this!" I just don't think anyone would find that very mentally inspiring, coming from a purely fitness standpoint.

Still I have nothing to hide about anything that I struggle with. Anything you see me do was certainly backed by struggle and tears and difficulty. Don't ever let those things make you feel like you shouldn't keep going when you have a goal.

Don't ever say "oh but so-and-so built an empire overnight while frolicking through daisies, so why the hell can't I?" No, so-and-so failed and cried and lost and messed up and sucked at life some days.

You just didn't see it because Instagram had them on the beach in Hawaii sipping a mixed drink. In reality, their mom paid for the trip because they were broke and not pictured is the boyfriend that dumped them a week before.

So yeah, I suck. Man I really, really suck. I'm totally lost at what to do sometimes in my business, I didn't even know how to eat enough food for two years, I yell at my fiancee over stupid things and I never fold laundry. Ever.  But I'm not going to let those things stop me from going for what I want 100%. And failing harder. Anything worth going for is going to be riddled with failure. There isn't a way around that. None. So may as well keep on screwing up.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to see what leftovers I can find in the fridge. I wish I could report that nothing ever makes me sick from in there, but unfortunately, last week, something did. I don't seem to be missing an exit like the leader of North Korea. Guess that means, I am only human, and I may indeed be visiting the porcelain throne later. How's that for today's highlight reel!

You Got a Fast Car.....Until It Gets Hit By A Mack Truck!

I drive a VW Beetle. We met one day back in February. It was in the middle of that cold streak, where it hurts to go outside but you're so sick of wearing the same stupid three coats, that you just wear a sweatshirt for something different, because, you wont need to be like, OUT in that cold for more than thirty seconds at a clip right?

If your car breaks suddenly and irreparably, and you need to go car shopping immediately, you might have wished you were wearing that coat. That was the situation I was faced with that day, my seventeen billion year old Pontiac Grand Am whom I'd purchased for $800 four years earlier, had finally made an abrupt, but predictable exit to the big junkyard in the sky. Having to work my normal job in the morning, I needed a car ASAP. My dad and uncle knew someone who knew someone who knew someone that sold cars, so off we went for a deal hunt.

Everyone who knows me knows I HATE spending money. I cling to money like Jack and Rose cling to that door in the last scene in Titanic. Some people collect hockey cards. I like to collect money. I just love to watch it grow. So the news of needing a brand spanking new car didn't really delight me, although I knew it was coming for some time.

The guy at the car place showed me a sheet with all the cars, and my eyes were looking for price first and ugly factor right after. Jeep? Meh too boxy. Buick? HEEEELLLL no, I'd had enough boat cars for a lifetime after my first Pontiac Bonneville. Beetle? Well, it was cute! And the cheapest thing on the lot. I was sold. I went out to meet her. It was love at first site when she looked up at me with those giant headlights, she looked so happy! (so what if Beetles stemmed from Hitler, they look so darn cute) I drove the car off the lot that day for $6000 cash. Ok, I didn't drive it, it was standard, and Id never driven standard at the time and had no idea how. But I like a challenge, I'll get into that story another time.

Anyways, I had several people in the last few days ask me how I think I can do what I love and ever have any money. No, right now, two months into doing this full time, I don't make "crazy good money". There used to be a time when I would pour over stats published about how much people in my industry are supposed to make, and how much average people make, and do I measure up?!?! Then I realized something. I ain't average. And I don't even want to be, so why worry about averages?! I have everything I need and want right now....and the point is that's different for everyone, and for 90% of that, you have total control over your life design. With the exception of medical emergencies and the like, YOU control how you set up your life. Forget stats ok? Because they are just that, AVERAGES. YOU might be the one that doesn't fit with that.

Think of crash test ratings. You spend hours looking for the perfect forty seven star frontal crash test rated minivan with side air bags, ceiling air bags, arm rest airbags, airbags in the cupholders and windows that you cant open from the inside unless you're cleared with the CIA, lest someone fall out mid cruise. You're going along on the highway, and Bob the truck driver fell asleep after one too many hours on the road. Hes crossing the median. He's got 20 huge steel pipes in his truck. You know where this is going. No cupholder airbag could have stopped that beam from taking you straight out in this case. Behind your supervan, was Joe. Joe drives a 1995 Geo Prizm. It has a negative 40 star crash test rating. Did they even put airbags in that thing? Joe slams into your van. Metal pipes come within inches of his head. Joe should be dead. But Joe walks, yup walks away from the crash. You're dead. Crash test ratings and averages, made zero difference here. This was a unique situation. The angle of the crash was just so that Joe walked out without a scratch. And you didn't. You're dead.

He lived, you didn't?! How's THAT for averages?

The point here is averages don't guarantee, promise, or mean, ANYTHING really. Fortunately, you have a bit more control over your life design than you do over your life on the road. People ask me how I live? I don't spend thoughtlessly. I don't have a TV. I buy new clothes rarely, I have MORE clothes than I know what to do with. I do my own hair. I paint my own nails. I am blessed with no loan payments, because owning a business was a plan I considered WAY back in high school with my family. I don't have kids. I live in a place where the rent isn't high, and I share it with someone. My cars have all been used and bought in cash. My biggest expense is food, because that's also the one "hobby" I've chosen to pursue.

Ok, I know what you're thinking. What a loser, God shes boring, her life must be so boring and absolutely suck, she has NOTHING, I have so much more, what does she DO with her time?! You'd be wrong on all counts, in my eyes. I am rarely bored. I don't care about TV at all, I forget it exists actually. In my free time, I work out because I love it, I research working out, I research and read online, I talk to my boyfriend and friends, I go outside. And oh yeah, I build my design biz. Because I want that. Because I KNOW I cant support five kids and a BMW and yacht on what I make now. NO WAY. But I'VE CHOSEN THAT.

You might choose different. You might want kids, more than you want to not work a "stable" job. You might be ok with spending all week away from the huge house you have to keep paying on. You might be ok with that big cable TV bill. That is entirely your choice. But don't just have things, because stats and society says you have to have things.

Do you WANT to pay for 7000 channels a month? Can you think of something better you might be able to do with your time here than lose it to fake story lines? Can you find a couple things you want to watch online for free? Can you drive a car because it gets you somewhere, not because its shiny and new? Do you need to spend hours working to pay for someone to coat your fingernails in plastic? Can you live in a cute little place that you made all yours, not caring who it impresses? Do you really want to start a family at this time? Can you still get a good workout in with $12 TJMaxx headphones instead of $300 dollar Beats? You get what I'm saying.

Of course some things will ALWAYS be beyond our control, as is the case with the metal pipes on that truck. You may fall ill, a surprise child might come along, your house might burn down. NO ONE KNOWS SO WHY WORRY! Only control what you can, to get you to a place of TRUE happiness that has NOTHING to do with what the stats say should make you happy. I'm pretty freaking happy, in my no TV small house with my non manicured nails in my favorite yoga pants, eating $13 dollar nut butter from a spoon handed down from my mom. Back up, HOW much was that nut butter?! Its ok, we all have ONE thing we enjoy spending on ;) Keep it balanced!

THINK big picture about the future, BUILD the life you want, do not throw money down the toilet and hope happiness will blow up back out at you. Usually what comes back up in that case, is pretty shitty. Pun intended. Start making the changes and thinking of how you can get closer to what you SERIOUSLY want. What are you willing to sacrifice? ALL goals require some sacrifice. HAPPY FRIDAY!

As always, check out www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com to see what I do!

Why A Lack of Patience, Just Ain't Gonna Cut the Mustard!

You know what? With most things,  I am NOT what you might call,  a patient person. I hate waiting. I don't like standing in lines. I hate stop lights. (Don't even get me started on the stop lights in the town where I live, we could have an entire blog on that...) I go nuts when I want to eat (that's basically always), and I'm trying to open a new bottle or jar and there is one of those stupid plastic unbreakable seals and once you slice that bastard off there's another stupid seal under the lid. "Sealed for Your Protection," they always boast. Look, I'm at the point where I'd rather risk contracting incurable venereal diseases than fight with this stupid plastic. Therefore I'd rather you protected me just a TAD less, and let me have some damn mustard, or the one that's going to need protection is YOU, French's.

NIGHTMARES

I lose my cool over packages that take 304959 years to deliver. What, is this thing coming from Mars, or New Jersey?  I, like many people in today's society, want what I want and I want it now. But at the same token, I've noticed I'm able to shut my impatience off for a couple of things in my life. I realized just how important that ability IS, and how it really can help a person achieve long term goals. Impatience, like so many things we deal with is just an emotion. Control that, and you will have a much easier time finding success in all areas of your life. Trouble is, most people don't seem to know how! It can be learned though, by changing how you think about your big goals.

Most people who read this probably know, I am an NPC Bikini Competitor, and I had a competition this past weekend. I took second in that competition, and I made so much improvement over last year where I took dead last in this same show. More important than that, was that I was absolutely floored by the amount of texts, messages, and well wishes and congratulations that I got on that competition. I have never really been motivating to anyone that I was aware of, and to have so many people tell me that, literally blew me away! So humbled and grateful! So I wanted to thank everyone for that, as a side note! Fitness however, is one example of something in my life, where impatience is NOT a factor for me. Building a killer physique is NOT going to ever be a fast process. IT TAKES YEARS. You all see how I look on that stage and yeah, that's great, but you must know, it has taken me upwards of FIVE YEARS to even get this far!!

I still remember my 19th birthday, it was also Father's Day, so the entire family went for a hike to the Heublein Tower in Farmington CT. It's basically straight uphill to the top for a good 20-30 minutes. I. Was. DYING. I was wheezing and sweating and it was just miserable. My mom said "I worry about you, you NEVER get any exercise!" She was right. Ever since I'd started dating my other half, we had sunken into a happy place of french fries and ice cream dates and nights on the sofa. For the first time in my life that summer, I was putting on some pudge. And I knew it. I remember I vowed on that day to do SOMETHING, no matter how little, to get some exercise, and stop eating so much crap. That began my love affair with research via the internet. I tried so many things you have no idea. I tried 100% squeaky clean eating and "jogging". God I HATE running. The shin splints killed me. It was so boring. I didn't get any leaner. What abs? I then started lifting weights. Along with the iron, I lifted every piece of food I saw that was "clean" into my mouth, under the excuse that I lifted, I could have it. I gained weight and NOTHING fit. I told myself it was all muscle. I still didn't have any abs. I decided it MUST be carbs that were keeping me from my dream body. I proceeded to stop eating them. I mean STOP. I didn't eat a single piece of fruit, bread, potato or candy for over a YEAR. Ill tell you what I did eat though. JARS of nut butter and cans of mixed nuts. There were barely any carbs so it was ok right? WRONG. I weighed more than ever! All that jogging wasn't even working. So I did more research, and took a totally new approach to everything, and slowly, got it right. I learned a lot of what didn't work the hard way. I don't run anymore. EVER. I HATE IT! I eat carbs. I DON'T eat uncontrolled handfuls of nuts anymore ( hmm probably the giant amount of calories in 309845 handfuls of nuts a day couldddd be why I wasn't getting lean!) The point here is, the end result you see there, took me YEARS. I have YEARS to go on those goals too. If that didn't teach long term goal patience.....I don't think anything can.

The same mindset I had with fitness, is how I am able to start and run and continue to develop my design business. I started design back in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I took my first class in eighth grade and I actually won an award at the end of the year for something I made, I think it was a box for golf balls, hah! That was 13....YES THIRTEEN years ago. I was 13 years old and I'm now 26. I've been working on honing that passion for HALF OF MY LIFE. I went down a long and mistake riddled road on the way to where I am here now, just as I did with fitness. I got caught up in what everyone else was doing in high school, I stopped designing and started Facebooking. My parents encouraged me to pursue design and a business/freelance career, I just wanted to do what everyone else was doing and go to four year college and be a "corporate person" or something, and work in a nice office with nice heels and skirts and my name on some cube. Yes, at one point, I WANTED that. I wanted to do what I thought adulthood meant. And so, I got myself an office job or two and well, you know the rest. You know I hated it. The free spirit kid I'd always been was still in there somewhere and she wanted out.

The point of these stories is, that these are two big, giant areas of my life where patience wins. And I'm OK with that. Here's why: Because the way I look at it is in terms of the big picture. I am NOT going to be an IFBB Pro athlete tomorrow. Or next year, or next week. I am NOT going to be a millionaire with a thriving business either. Not now. But, the biggest thing that keeps me going to bed so happy every night,, is knowing I made a chip in those goals, every single day. Forget being rich, or a pro, or all the glory. The road is so long, you can't see the end. ACCEPT THAT. Forget the end. That's the biggest secret I have to getting somewhere. Forget the end. Everyday just drive another mile down that road. DO NOT STOP. Do not stay inside and sleep. Get in the car and get on that road. So what you didn't make $10203 today. Did you talk to one more person who might give you some work? Did you respond to another few emails from prospects? Did you call someone with their estimate? Yes? Ok then you did not waste this day. You did not. Did you instead sit there and think about the cigarette boat you're going to buy when when General Mills asks you, personally, to redesign their entire line of cereals, while simultaneously watching Friends reruns saying you'll start tomorrow? Then sorry, you wasted that day. You will never succeed. 

So the take away here? Patience is an emotion and YOU have control. Part of that control, is breaking your big aspirations down into actual small goals that you can focus on TODAY. You will not meet that big goal today. Or next year. But you will eventually get there, IF you keep moving in smaller steps. I NEVER thought I'd actually HAVE a full time business, or step on a physique stage. Then one day it happened. There's still so much to do, but its progress. You can't ask for more. Stop asking yourself for more than little steps. Let that expectation go. Sleep at night with your big goal still un-achieved (!) But, DO SOMETHING even if its TINY. Let that be enough for today. Repeat tomorrow, and the next day and the next. Like dirty socks, you just add a couple to the pile a day and before you know it, its rolling out of the hamper and you can't even contain it anymore! Of course no ones ultimate life goal is doing laundry (again) but, LITTLE THINGS ADD UP OVER TIME!!

I still hate those damn plastic food seals. But, if I just calm down and remove the label in a human manner instead of that of a rabid chipmunk, I would probably still hit my goal of mustard covered bliss, with a lot less trouble. Pshhh who are we kidding, can't always be patient.....time to eat........!

I Love Peanut Butter, and I'm a Little Selfish. You Should Be Too.

Are you ever sitting there, doing something totally nonchalant like clipping your toenails, or maybe something magnificent, like watching the sunset in Maui, and you realize, suddenly, that you will NEVER know what it would be like to experience this life as anyone else? Never. I mean this point of view you have, right here, right now, reading this, is something no one else will ever know.

It's scary really if you sit there and ponder it. There are billions of us, yet no two experiences on this planet are ever the same and YOU ONLY GET ONE.

I have a scar on my right knee from when I was trying to "surf" by standing on a pool tube NEXT to the pool. Of course, I fell off and diced my knee open. My grandpa was supposed to be watching me, but he had fallen asleep. (A normal occurrence for him!) Every time I look at that scar I remember him. I have calluses from weightlifting that remind me how much I love it every time I look at my hands. I love reggae music and peanut butter and chicken with cinnamon and mustard on it. My daddy is still my biggest supporter. Some people have never met their fathers. And I will never have to know what that's like.

Is this how they make Peanut Butter?!

I will also never know what it's like to be a child that was abused, or to come from a huge family. And you won't know what it's like to still get bothered by the smell of burning brakes and metal on the highway. Or maybe, you will, but not because you were going 70mph on January 10, 2010 when you got struck from behind and spun around three times into a bridge, walking away from your destroyed car with only a broken nail. Maybe you'll have a similar story. But it won't be exactly the same. The story of your life can never, from start to finish, be the same as my story.

Only one person is there with you, from the moment you're born till the moment you die. Only one person knows what scares you, what you love, what hurts, what you really think, all your scars, what it looks like when you ate some bad pigs-in-a-blanket, and you have your body rebelling from both ends...at once. Not pretty. Not pretty. That person is you. You live and die with you, my friend. You know what else lives and dies with you? Everything you do in your little slice of time and space here. There seems to be a few reasons I see, that people think they shouldn't fully ulilize that finite slice. But it's time to knock those to the curb and write some plot twists into your story. Here's why you might be reluctant...

1) You think people are going to remember  - People love you. They do, I promise. SOMEONE (several someones!) is deeply effected by your presence. But we all think people care far more about us and our stories than they do. And it holds us back. You don't want to be seen in high school wearing hand me downs because the other kids will laugh. You don't want to go to the gym because people are going to recoil in disgust at your back fat. You don't want to start a business because you might fail and people might see. People might say you suck. People might see you fall on your ass if you get up on stage and try to walk in heels and a bikini, like I'm about to in a week. Yup, should that happen, they'll see. They'll laugh. It will suck. And in ten years, no one will remember including me. But YOU WILL always remember that thing you wanted to do but never did because of the things you thought people might say and think. People are going to think and say things about you anyways. If you do nothing, they'll say your a lazy recluse.  Remember, you live and die with you and you alone. When you're 80, sitting on some nursing home porch with drool down to your armpits, most of them won't be there. You will though.

2) You're afraid of being selfish - "Selfish" is painted as this horrible concept in our society. Its widely agreed that its bad to be seen as selfish. To care about ones self. But if you don't even care about yourself, who the heck else is going to? I think, acting selfish, and BEING selfish are two different things. Acting selfish, would be that trait we all don't like. Being mean and arrogant, unwilling to help people who need you, putting everyone else last, having no consideration for other people's feelings or situations. But BEING selfish, could simply be taking care of YOU and taking the time to work on the one person you have complete control of. Invest in you. You have nothing to give to anyone else if you're so busy ignoring your own thoughts and aspirations because you feel guilty chasing your purpose for being here. By doing your thing, you inspire other people. Be it your children, your friends, and strangers you've never even met. And that is the very definition of UNselfish.Giving isn't always giving time, or money, or THINGS to a charity on a poster. It could be giving positive vibes.

3) You get too attached to important people in your life - We all have that friend. The one who you think would probably jump headfirst off a bridge if their significant other ever left them. They claim to be "so in love". They don't do things if the other person doesn't like them. They do things BECAUSE the other person tells them to. They don't really do much without the other person. But who are THEY? What do THEY give to this thing called existence?  I have been with the same person for 8 years. We like some of the same things of course. But we like a lot of different things. I'm a fitness competitor. He works out, but he has no desire to go as hard as me for that goal. I use that same mentality to run my business. He prefers being part of a team/company. He plays softball and loves it. I don't even know which way to run. (I'm NOT exaggerating) I can't swim in the ocean. Hate it. He's a fish out there. He races cars. Cars are shiny and pretty to me, but I have the same interest in racing as he does in counting grams of carbs. Yet we mesh nicely. He doesn't tell me I can't go to the gym. I don't tell him to stop racing. At the same token, he tells me if I'm being a crazy bitch. I tell him if he's being a dumb ass. If we ever split, I will be lost. I love him. But I will still be Tamara Lynn Morrison, artist and designer. I will still have that. I've had that since I was born. I will still love fitness. I will get up at 7AM everyday and do those things. I will live for them as I do now. We choose other people to walk our paths with us. But we should never choose to cling to them and let them drag us by the neck. Never make anyone else your everything. Because when/if they leave, you will have nothing. You will be nothing. At the end no one can die for you. You will breathe your last breath with your own two lungs. Why live for your life for someone else??

Find your own passions. Be a little yes, SELFISH and put those dreams first. Then give the happiness those passions give you to other people who deserve to be in your life. UNselfish, see? This life is yours and yours alone. You only get one story, write the book so that when it closes and gets filed away on the shelf of humanity, it deserves a big freaking spot. And please, at any party where they are serving pigs-in-a-blanket, steer clear. Not.....pretty.

Motivated to start living out some dreams that require a designer? ;) You know where to find me www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com

You're Not Trying Hard Enough

There was a point in my life, as everyone knows by now, that I wanted nothing more than to just leave my boring full time sit-in-a-dark-corner-and scan-endless-documents-all-day, job. It was sucking the life from me, and my design business was like a seedling that had just begun to sprout...but realized it was under one of those ugly lawn gnome statues you find in the home and garden section of KMart for wayyyy more than anyone should pay for something so unsightly.

Don't get stuck under this guy.......

In other words, I was stifled. Limited in what I could do given the current situation. I had to find a way to bend and get into the sun, or I would never grow.

One of the biggest hold backs, was the notion that people would probably think I was silly. Family, friends, complete strangers, anyone I who asked "So what do you do?" You're supposed to have stable employment. You're supposed to work a 9-5. You're supposed to not really like it. And you're supposed to DEAL with it and shut up dammit. That's what being an adult is! Liking what you do is for those far far away people you read about on some CNN feature, or Instagram, or blog.....ooops :P.
There is NEVER going to be a "right time" to do anything in life. You will feel when its often going to happen though. I knew it was going to happen. Change was in the air. I spent many nights in frustration and tears about HOW change was going to happen.

One of those nights I was talking to a friend about my frustrations, and all the reasons (excuses) as to why I shouldn't get out of that job and even get something part time at night for a while as I transitioned. In the midst of my excusefest and pity party, he said five words that I STILL repeat to myself almost daily, and I have since he said them: "You're not trying hard enough".

Why those stuck with me, was because those words were so.......true. I had every reason in the book as to why I wasn't doing what my soul wanted. Why the hell COULDN'T I go for what I wanted? Was I indeed NOT trying hard enough? Was there more I could do? Well, yeah. Shut up and apply for part time jobs and sneak into the bathroom at the full time gig, risk being sworn and shouted at, and lie about being sick and go on interviews. And you know what? That's exactly what I finally did. And it worked. Within a week of trying hard enough, I had another part time job that would give me the time I wanted to work on my biz. All I had to do was stop with the excuses, EMBRACE THE RAGING DISCOMFORT and try. I know I made it sound pretty simple. But.... maybe it is. Here's the main reasons I found and still find, that I'm not trying  hard enough when I want something, be it business, fitness, or life, and they might be the same reasons as you.....

1) It's Too Hard

Yeah, as simple as that. Getting more than what you already have in life, requires hard work. Like actual work. We don't often even know what that is in today's environment. In many cases, you're born, your parents enroll you in mandatory public school, and you then go to some kind of college because that's what you're supposed to do, and parents go broke and you go broke, and everybody goes crazy making sure its going to happen. It's ok to sink into debt, its your education! If you don't go that route (because that route simply is NOT for everyone!) then maybe you end up working at Arby's and people tell you you failed, so you believe that too, and you accept that, and you...don't try any harder. Or say you do graduate college, and you get your big job, and all you have to do in some cases, is, show up for the set hours, and do what they tell you, and you take home a paper with some amount of money on it each week and life goes on. You get that money whether you took 304 bathroom selfies, or crunched numbers for that  8 hour day. It just IS. Simply for being. It's taken for granted.

If you want to start a business, or if you want to move up to a valuable position where you currently work, or work somewhere else (because self employment isn't for everyone either, and I'm not saying it is) you may have to TRY HARDER. You may have to stay later, you may have to do the things you don't always want to, leave your phone in the car, talk to your boss even though he might get really really mad, or ultimately, you may have to look for other jobs in the bathroom and lie to go on interviews to get the hell out, and change your pants for them in your car in the commuter lot on the side of I-84.

You may have to do whatever the hell it takes because this is your one life. It's going to be uncomfortable. You won't like it. You'll cry and stay up thinking and panic and wonder and it would be easier to ignore it all and just keep on doing the same things. And you know what, most people do.

2) You're Too Worried About What Other People Will Say

One of the biggest stoppers of me just getting out of that job sooner, was wondering what other people would say when I did it. When people ask what you do, you're supposed to tell them that you work at XYZ and you do this there, and its OK, and that's that. I didn't want to tell people I was self employed or left my job, or I'm trying to be a designer. The looks they would give were ones of worry and fear almost like "Oh jeez, look for Tamara on the street corner when this fails soon......what is she, NUTS, she'll never get anywhere doing that, good thing I have a job, she must be seriously lazy!" And you know what, I still get those looks when I tell people what I do. I just don't care anymore and I don't let them stop me.  Because maybe I am crazy, I KNOW I'll fail at some things here and this will be hard. I do FAR MORE WORK NOW than I ever did at a company. Because I have to! I don't work, I DON'T have a preset amount of money coming to me. You better hustle. And that little bit of "fear" is what keeps me motivated. This is my life. Not my parents, not my friends, not some strangers. I have great support in my life. I have lots of savings. I wasn't downright stupid. But I don't care anymore about "the look" when I tell people what I do or that I quit. I just smile. Because thier opinions ultimatly don't matter in my life! Fancy that!

3) You Didn't Plan for Anything

The last reason you're not trying hard enough? You didn't plan on making serious long term changes to your life in the first place. If you want to make a change and you know it, start NOW. Maybe its not time to start looking for new jobs yet because you make a lot where you are. And you owe a lot. You bought a new house. A new car. You're having a baby. You have a serious addiction to crap you don't need. You think savings accounts are for rich people, or something. Welllllll you're really not trying hard enough then. It's time to go without. To cut the junk thats weighing you down. Think about the bigger picture of your life! You work at Arby's and you want to instead go back to school for nursing buttt you cant afford it with the 490594 bills you have. How bad do you want it? Bad enough to go without cable? Bad enough to ditch that fancy car and get something used? Bad enough to stop buying new clothes you'll never wear? 14 Venti lattes a week? Bad enough to stop by your local bank and see what this savings stuff is? You get my point. I didn't make much at that steady job. It wasn't even $30000 a year. I'll tell you that right now. But I saved nearly everything in that 6 yrs of working there. I don't own a TV. I almost never buy new clothes. I bought my car in cash. I share rent with someone. I don't subscribe to endless crap that sends a little bill in the mail every month. I have a prepaid smartphone. I buy food, gas and insurance and that's seriously IT. And you think I probably have no fun and I hate my life. I actually love my life. Love it. Love it so much. Because that stuff isn't the key to a happy existance. And I have a nice savings account and various other investments as well. I used Wikipedia to learn about some of them. My family and the bank taught me the rest. It was hard and no fun. But I knew I'd have to try if I wanted to see anything come of it.

I don't know your circumstances. These were just mine. I know I am lucky. You maybe have kids, or dependents, or something else that requires you to spend. Keyword: REQUIRES. Whatever your circumstances, I'm sure there is SOMETHING that you could do without. And you can ALWAYS do research to learn how to better yourself! Get on job boards, look for grants to get into schools, work with the situation you have. You can ALWAYS MAKE IT BETTER ALWAYS! Even I can today. There is SO MUCH I can do to grow my business. I'm STILL not trying hard enough. You aren't either. That said....time to wrap this up! Lots to do! Get to it!

Remember, you can always learn more about me and what I do at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com. I promise I'll try hard enough on your projects ;)

Hanging up the Real Pants.....Big Changes for TMGraphics!!

So one day, perusing quotes online (because I'm seriously the type of weirdo that does that...no seriously!) I came across some quote by this man, Paulo Coelho, and ever since then, I've been kind of obsessed. I'm pretty sure every thought this guy has is genius. And no, I haven't read any of his books yet, its bad but I only read books once a year....on long flights. Better get booking one then, right?

Anyways, Tamara Morrison Graphics is now my full time job. As of last week. As in I don't work for anybody else right now, and I am going to do whatever I gotta do to keep it that way. And reading enough quotes by this guy, reassures me that I'm NOT entirely crazy.

Sometimes I still wonder if I'm crazy. You might too. You probably work somewhere, in a building, with set hours and fluorescent lights and rules about cellphone use and what time is appropriate to call your doctor and schedule your yearly colonoscopy. And you probably need to wear pants. Dammit, now that's the hardest part right there.

Now this isn't some fluffy dream story about following your passion and quitting your damn corporate job to knit blankets out of alpaca wool in the desert while riding on the backs of pink unicorns while money flies of out their asses and into your bank account. AIN'T GON HAPPEN. Sorry.

I've been planning to be a designer since.....well since forever. I went to school for it. My dad has been telling me I'd someday have my own design business since I was 16. I thought that was absurd. Who would want to sit at home all day with no friends and no shiny desk and no pants. What kind of life was THAT going to be??? So I insisted I get an office job, so that I might become important. I stopped designing. I didn't even open Illustrator or Photoshop for a couple years. Because I was super important. I pulled staples, and scanned files, and picked up phones with a fake cheery voice. But for someone who was and always will be creative, it got intolerable. Fast. I realized it would not, and could not go beyond this for me. I didn't go to school for anything fancy. I wasn't going to go applying for $50000 a year jobs and getting them.....or if I did...liking them. Same office, bigger nameplate. It wasn't for me.

Somewhere in there, I DID start my design business, but it was small and rough going, when you miss every client call because....well cellphone use is monitored. Email is blocked. You can't meet anyone because you're wasting away on Facebook mobile sneakily in the corner, heart racing every time the bosses go by. So step one happened. I left. I left what most people would consider "stable". It wasn't a lot of money, but it was THERE unless the corporate headquarters burned, every week. No matter if I sat on Facebook or invented a machine that regenerated brain tissue. Same amount. Always.

I left for a shakier bridge, but a bridge nonetheless. It had less hours, and more flexibility. And Tamara Morrison Graphics grew. I should say, it STARTED. With more time, and the bulk of it being during the day, I could call people, meet people, email people!! The difference was very clear. And for a while, it worked. Dream life by day, drone by night. Then the night got well, darker. Usual dramatics ensued that always occur in a place where people work daily for money and not much else. Rules tightened, for reasons which I could not logically see. At the same time, there was nothing to do. I perused Facebook and Instagram and watched the clock mercilessly. I snuck in client emails. I got caught. I snuck in client phone calls......andddd parking lot meetings. I didn't get caught. But I felt like a drug dealer at a couple of those sneak meetings!

Now I believe strongly, that life and guts show us the way long before logic does. Most people don't listen. Most people accept things, or create the opposite of what would get them the life they desire, whether its by choice or subconsciously.

One lovely day I realized, my current employment situation was NOT going to work, for reasons we don't need to get into. But I knew I had to jump ship.... before it sunk. So I saw another ship floating past and I jumped. That ship looked rickety at best, but I ignored that. Even though I knew that one too, would sink. I got another mediocre job.

This one proved to be an even greater lie and inconvenience. The hours were nothing like what I was told they would be, and would have put me back at square one ( below it actually, less money!), with no time to meet clients, take calls, or emails. I had a client meeting that following day for an awesome opportunity....that I would have to cancel. AGAIN. For a near minimum wage (yup that low) job. Because they couldn't tell me my hours until mere moments before I had to work them, via text message, despite asking countless times. So that was it. Every fiber in my body calmly told me to just let it go. Leave, go be a freaking graphic designer. Equally mediocre jobs will always be there if needed. Go to that meeting. Get that job.Win that client. I was dying to put my entire self into making this happen. So I typed an email to the captain of that rickety ship saying I would not be in the next day. My best friend of 8 years and biggest supporter Kevin hit send FOR me when I hesitated. It was a done deal. I was living my dream starting 6 AM tomorrow. I went to my meeting, and I got my client.

It has been not even two weeks. I've never worked so hard in my life. I don't look at the clock. I don't go on Facebook. I don't need to. I am 100% fully absorbed in what I am doing. I think its called passion, and hustle.

I saved a lot of money in the six years I spent at home working full time in an office. I don't have kids. I have the best living partner and family in the world. I am SO LUCKY. I know everyone doesn't have the same opportunities. Believe me, I know. And I know this isn't going to be easy. I am scared. I am nervous. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

But if you want something, you will do whatever it takes and you won't think twice. You won't complain. I work weekends now. I work nights. Both of which I hated with passion and still would at any job. I work every second that I'm not in the gym, my other raging passion, but that's for another post. But what is work? I mean this is all I want to do. I don't want to watch TV. I don't want to go to the bar every night. I want to go to Florida and lay under a palm tree, and design. And next week, that's exactly what I'm going to do.

I don't know you. I don't know your dreams or your circumstances. I don't know if the reason you aren't doing what you really want is valid. (Or maybe you ARE, in that case, awesome!! ) But you, inside, you know. ANYONE can get somewhere better. Realize it won't be perfect, it won't be easy and it might be stupid in other people's eyes at first. But who cares. This life is yours. Start planning. Do ONE LITTLE BITTY THING every single damn day. Fill out that application. Call that client, hang up that ad, get off your thrown built of excuses. You're not trying hard enough. I have by noooo means "made it". But I have never tried so hard for ANYTHING before.

A client put it well to me last week as we talked about our mutual passions, fitness and business. She said after a great lifting workout, you don't SEE anything, no change right then. But there are thousands of microscopic tears in your muscles. Eventually, those muscles rebuild. Again and again. And then you start to see the changes from your efforts. You start to see growth. That's why going to the gym once won't do a damn thing. But going every day even when you are sure its hopeless, and progress HAS to happen.

And it already is, for me. It will for you too. You will fail with 100% certainty if you change nothing in your life. But as long as you do one tiny thing daily, 100% failure is NOT a promise. Its always a chance, but there's a chance you will get somewhere, too. So I will keep making tiny tears in this each day and build it up. And it will hurt and it will be hard and I will worry and panic and cry and celebrate and suffer and fail and rejoice and I will live to the fullest of my ability. And of course the best part? You guessed it, if (no WHEN) this all works out, I will never have to wear real pants again.

Follow my journey, and of course hit me up for all your graphic design needs!! :)

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New Year, Same You....Unless You Change Your Outlook!

Its January once again. That time of year where everyone vows that this is going to be their best year yet, THIS year, they'll get in shape, THIS year, they'll score that dream job, fix up the house, take that trip, start saving more. They'll cut out gluten, stop smoking, go on the gym for at least two and a quarter hours per day.

Then you know the pattern. Two weeks later, the resolution makers are loafing on the couch with a cigarette watching reruns with a big bowl of pasta on that new expensive flat screen TV, house a mess, dreading going to work the next day. Maybe in 2014........that's not TOO far off right?

Truth is, you could be dead tomorrow. Life's not guaranteed. You could go down in a fiery wreck on your way to work. Or, you could slip on the ice and suffer internal bleeding in the brain. You could contract a terminal illness, or be shot in your place of work by a maniac. Are these things likely? No, and we rest very comfortably assured that the odds are against these tragedies happening.
I was listening to a colleague talking the other day, about how much he wishes his life would've taken another path. IF ONLY he'd done better in high school, had different parents, made more money, figured out earlier what he wanted to do, had more time, he wouldn't be stuck in this darn job, he'd be happy, all would be right with the world!

So why, why do people like my coworker fail time and time again to do these things they claim they so desperately want to achieve? Why talk on and on about positive actions that will never be taken? Many people simply believe these things are not for them. Dreams are for someone else. Why them? They aren't anything special, they barely passed school, they had a bad relationship or two, their parents weren't that fond of them. Kids made fun of them on the playground.They never won the lottery, they got turned down for a few jobs. They focus soley on these little events, each one like another small rock being tied to their leg until they can no longer move. So they convince themselves that where they are is OK, it could be worse, they could be THAT GUY with twice as many rocks tied to him.

They choose to ignore the bigger picture.That everyone who ever succeeded had setbacks, rocks tied to their legs. But those people, those people cut those rocks off, even if they had to do it with their own teeth because they couldn't find a knife. Whatever it was they saw in their future was brighter than all those little negatives. Most people get stuck in those.

Most people focus on the short term, that's human nature. If today is negative, so is well....forever. But you can train yourself to look further down the road, track your life as a flowing river rather than jagged hard set steps, where if you trip over one, you can't see anything but the ground in front of you, and you don't ever have to get up. Yes, that rivers going to have scary rapids at some points, but you can't possibly stop moving forward once you set sail.

This year don't make any silly resolutions you wont keep. Decide to set sail towards that dream. It doesn't have to be a huge goal (although it can be!), to be the next American Idol or make as much as Taylor Swift by 2039. It can be as simple as starting a business doing what you love, perfecting your golf swing, training your dog to compete in agility, going to school to become a nurse. Whatever that THING is that you want more than anything but that seems about as possible as spotting a giraffe in Antarctica. You know that thing. You think about it every single day at least once. But everyone tells you you already have it so good, or that its silly, or you don't have the money, or the kids demand too much attention and you're selfish. Or they tell you you'll never be able to do that. They push you down on those stairs. And you can't see past the ground. So you stay there.

Everyone who ever succeeded had all those obstacles, some had MORE. Realize this first. No ones better than you. You are better than no one. But you can choose to be wiser. WAKE UP. Cut those rocks off your feet and move from that place of unrest and that cloud of other peoples opinions. Have faith in your goals and yourself even when no one else does. Let yourself feel angry, hurt or upset when they attempt to bring you down. Then get over it, and continue on down the river. Never stop moving forward. Happy 2013.

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