So one day, perusing quotes online (because I'm seriously the type of weirdo that does that...no seriously!) I came across some quote by this man, Paulo Coelho, and ever since then, I've been kind of obsessed. I'm pretty sure every thought this guy has is genius. And no, I haven't read any of his books yet, its bad but I only read books once a year....on long flights. Better get booking one then, right?
Anyways, Tamara Morrison Graphics is now my full time job. As of last week. As in I don't work for anybody else right now, and I am going to do whatever I gotta do to keep it that way. And reading enough quotes by this guy, reassures me that I'm NOT entirely crazy.
Sometimes I still wonder if I'm crazy. You might too. You probably work somewhere, in a building, with set hours and fluorescent lights and rules about cellphone use and what time is appropriate to call your doctor and schedule your yearly colonoscopy. And you probably need to wear pants. Dammit, now that's the hardest part right there.
Now this isn't some fluffy dream story about following your passion and quitting your damn corporate job to knit blankets out of alpaca wool in the desert while riding on the backs of pink unicorns while money flies of out their asses and into your bank account. AIN'T GON HAPPEN. Sorry.
I've been planning to be a designer since.....well since forever. I went to school for it. My dad has been telling me I'd someday have my own design business since I was 16. I thought that was absurd. Who would want to sit at home all day with no friends and no shiny desk and no pants. What kind of life was THAT going to be??? So I insisted I get an office job, so that I might become important. I stopped designing. I didn't even open Illustrator or Photoshop for a couple years. Because I was super important. I pulled staples, and scanned files, and picked up phones with a fake cheery voice. But for someone who was and always will be creative, it got intolerable. Fast. I realized it would not, and could not go beyond this for me. I didn't go to school for anything fancy. I wasn't going to go applying for $50000 a year jobs and getting them.....or if I did...liking them. Same office, bigger nameplate. It wasn't for me.
Somewhere in there, I DID start my design business, but it was small and rough going, when you miss every client call because....well cellphone use is monitored. Email is blocked. You can't meet anyone because you're wasting away on Facebook mobile sneakily in the corner, heart racing every time the bosses go by. So step one happened. I left. I left what most people would consider "stable". It wasn't a lot of money, but it was THERE unless the corporate headquarters burned, every week. No matter if I sat on Facebook or invented a machine that regenerated brain tissue. Same amount. Always.
I left for a shakier bridge, but a bridge nonetheless. It had less hours, and more flexibility. And Tamara Morrison Graphics grew. I should say, it STARTED. With more time, and the bulk of it being during the day, I could call people, meet people, email people!! The difference was very clear. And for a while, it worked. Dream life by day, drone by night. Then the night got well, darker. Usual dramatics ensued that always occur in a place where people work daily for money and not much else. Rules tightened, for reasons which I could not logically see. At the same time, there was nothing to do. I perused Facebook and Instagram and watched the clock mercilessly. I snuck in client emails. I got caught. I snuck in client phone calls......andddd parking lot meetings. I didn't get caught. But I felt like a drug dealer at a couple of those sneak meetings!
Now I believe strongly, that life and guts show us the way long before logic does. Most people don't listen. Most people accept things, or create the opposite of what would get them the life they desire, whether its by choice or subconsciously.
One lovely day I realized, my current employment situation was NOT going to work, for reasons we don't need to get into. But I knew I had to jump ship.... before it sunk. So I saw another ship floating past and I jumped. That ship looked rickety at best, but I ignored that. Even though I knew that one too, would sink. I got another mediocre job.
This one proved to be an even greater lie and inconvenience. The hours were nothing like what I was told they would be, and would have put me back at square one ( below it actually, less money!), with no time to meet clients, take calls, or emails. I had a client meeting that following day for an awesome opportunity....that I would have to cancel. AGAIN. For a near minimum wage (yup that low) job. Because they couldn't tell me my hours until mere moments before I had to work them, via text message, despite asking countless times. So that was it. Every fiber in my body calmly told me to just let it go. Leave, go be a freaking graphic designer. Equally mediocre jobs will always be there if needed. Go to that meeting. Get that job.Win that client. I was dying to put my entire self into making this happen. So I typed an email to the captain of that rickety ship saying I would not be in the next day. My best friend of 8 years and biggest supporter Kevin hit send FOR me when I hesitated. It was a done deal. I was living my dream starting 6 AM tomorrow. I went to my meeting, and I got my client.
It has been not even two weeks. I've never worked so hard in my life. I don't look at the clock. I don't go on Facebook. I don't need to. I am 100% fully absorbed in what I am doing. I think its called passion, and hustle.
I saved a lot of money in the six years I spent at home working full time in an office. I don't have kids. I have the best living partner and family in the world. I am SO LUCKY. I know everyone doesn't have the same opportunities. Believe me, I know. And I know this isn't going to be easy. I am scared. I am nervous. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.
But if you want something, you will do whatever it takes and you won't think twice. You won't complain. I work weekends now. I work nights. Both of which I hated with passion and still would at any job. I work every second that I'm not in the gym, my other raging passion, but that's for another post. But what is work? I mean this is all I want to do. I don't want to watch TV. I don't want to go to the bar every night. I want to go to Florida and lay under a palm tree, and design. And next week, that's exactly what I'm going to do.
I don't know you. I don't know your dreams or your circumstances. I don't know if the reason you aren't doing what you really want is valid. (Or maybe you ARE, in that case, awesome!! ) But you, inside, you know. ANYONE can get somewhere better. Realize it won't be perfect, it won't be easy and it might be stupid in other people's eyes at first. But who cares. This life is yours. Start planning. Do ONE LITTLE BITTY THING every single damn day. Fill out that application. Call that client, hang up that ad, get off your thrown built of excuses. You're not trying hard enough. I have by noooo means "made it". But I have never tried so hard for ANYTHING before.
A client put it well to me last week as we talked about our mutual passions, fitness and business. She said after a great lifting workout, you don't SEE anything, no change right then. But there are thousands of microscopic tears in your muscles. Eventually, those muscles rebuild. Again and again. And then you start to see the changes from your efforts. You start to see growth. That's why going to the gym once won't do a damn thing. But going every day even when you are sure its hopeless, and progress HAS to happen.
And it already is, for me. It will for you too. You will fail with 100% certainty if you change nothing in your life. But as long as you do one tiny thing daily, 100% failure is NOT a promise. Its always a chance, but there's a chance you will get somewhere, too. So I will keep making tiny tears in this each day and build it up. And it will hurt and it will be hard and I will worry and panic and cry and celebrate and suffer and fail and rejoice and I will live to the fullest of my ability. And of course the best part? You guessed it, if (no WHEN) this all works out, I will never have to wear real pants again.
Follow my journey, and of course hit me up for all your graphic design needs!! :)
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