You Can Give a Panda Wings, But You Can't Make Him Fly

Remember when you were a little kid, and any time past 8 PM was some kind of magical, forbidden hour you weren't allowed to ever see? What went on at that time, while you were shackled to your race car toddler bed, curtains closed even though the sun was still up on a July night, and told you had to go to sleep?

Sometimes, you might dare crack open the door, you could hear the TV, maybe your mom was knitting yet another scarfsweaterblanket, and you older sister was doing brain busting math problems, calculating how many grapefruits Sally would have if she multiplied her current supply times five, added "x" and ate the rest. A stomachache and diarrhea. That's what Sally would have.

You would run past the scene to "go to the bathroom" and investigate this magical land of the night. There didn't SEEM to be anything special. No flying pandas, no glitter and fireworks in the kitchen. WHY were you never allowed to see this time then?! "GET BACK IN YOUR ROOM AND GO TO SLEEP" your parents would soon shout, having caught on to your plans. You'd sulk back to bed, and swear you couldn't wait to be old so you could just stay up all night!!

Anybody seen this guy?

Well, eventually that time came, and you went from going to sleep at 7PM to waking up then. You realized there WERE indeed flying pandas and glitter and fireworks in the wee hours of the night, and they could often be found at the bottom of a bottle of Jack. There was no "bedtime" anymore.  As a matter of fact, your parents would call you a lazy ass and scream every weekend at you to get OUT of bed during daylight hours. It was awesome....for a while.

Then you got like, a j-o-b. They wanted you to start at the ungodly hour of 8 AM. Suddenly, staying up till 8:30 AM all summer left exactly....negative 30 minutes of sleep every night. Wasn't going to work..... So  you started to go to sleep earlier. First 1 AM, then midnight, then 11, then one night in your mid twenties when you found yourself in between the sheets, alone, in your sweatpants at 8:42 PM it hit you....you grew up. You were going to sleep at this time without your parents yelling at you. You got up at 6 AM because YOU WANTED TO. No one had to tell you to. You had lived and learned. And only then, were you able to realize the serious value of a proper sleep schedule. No one could have told you at four years old that there was nothing special about the night. No one could have told you at 16 that it was worth getting up before noon. You had to make this discovery and conclusion on  your own. (Some people are still working on it ;) )

The point there is, as I was thinking this week, I realized, you just cant make anyone do anything that they don't want to do, and do it well. Its so simple, yet we continue to try. We offer incentives. Most of them monetary. If you get up and mop this nasty floor or analyze these numbers for 8 hrs today, I will give you the money to get those new kicks you've been wanting, or pay your rent! That motivates us to do what we just don't want to. We slog through. We collect $200. We pass go. We circle the board again. 

I see the same in the fitness world. You tell people they have to do this, this and this to get in shape. Time and time again they "slip up". Ooops, I just HAD to eat that cake, my mom was in town, and I just love sugar! You were too sore to do your cardio, so you didn't. You had a stomachache so you couldn't lift at all this week. Your dog had to go out so you couldn't leave home. I've heard all those and more as to why people cant do something. It's to a point now where, when I offer fitness advice, I go in expecting you NOT to listen. Most people simply do not. If you do, you have blown my socks off. I realize you WANT this. YOU and only YOU want this. I didn't make you want it. You made that choice somewhere inside you, that you wanted to hit that goal. That goal became more important than any piece of cake, it propelled you through being sore, it helped you find a way to let the dog out AND make your lifts.

The same goes in this career path I've chosen. My dad told me for the longest time it was a great idea and I would love it. But I resisted. I wanted to do what everyone else was doing and just work a normal job and go to work picnics and wear a skirt. I did that. I had to learn the hard way, that it wasn't what I thought. I then started my business, not because he wanted me to, but eventually it was ME that wanted to. I wasn't happy, and I had to reach my OWN breaking point to change.

Funny thing is, a lot of people seem to have a much higher bullshit tolerance than others. Most people seem to figure "this is the way it is" about everything, from the state of their fitness, their job, their life. They shut off and tamp down their desires to do anything else long, long after they want to. They resist other people telling them what they could do to improve their situation and get mad when its suggested. They don't want it bad enough, they think its too hard.

But whats harder, secretly wasting  your life slogging away, a slave to money, to other peoples expectations, to your own idea of what it "should" be? Or is it harder to put in the work necessary to make a change? BOTH are hard. Pick your poison.  It was hard doing a job I hated. It's also really really hard doing a job I love, for entirely different reasons. The path isn't laid out for me, I'm not just grinding my days out. I'm instead fueled by a new kind of grind. its a much lighter feeling. Its electric almost instead of dead and flat. I'm out there pushing but the rewards when they come are that much sweeter, despite the failures being that much scarier. Its what keeps me doing this. Id rather work doing new things for this, than ever be stuck in a passionless position. If I ever do return to working elsewhere, it will be because I needed/wanted to to attain a goal, be that pay the rent, or a change of some sort. Ill dance in a lobster suit if you'll notice my biz and become my customer as a result. I'll do math and keep spreadsheets and calendars. I'll be late for the gym to make a delivery. I'll call people I don't know whereas when I was a kid I wouldn't call ANYONE and I hated the phone. It all changes when there's a PURPOSE!

Same thing with fitness (as usual, there are so many parallels!) It hurts to do cardio sometimes yeah. Lifting is hard, sometimes I want to eat ALL the chocolate and peanut butter and I'm HUNGRY. I choose not to eat cake because my family is in town. I instead choose to hang out with my family and enjoy their company. I do this every single day, because I WANT TO KNOW that I did everything I could to get as far as I could. The only person that loses if I "slip up" is ME. Why do that to myself, aren't my goals worth more?

Put you first. YOU only get one life here. Get fired up about something. If you've told your inner voice to shut up for so long, let it speak instead. Find the motivation to do the things you have always wanted in yourself because if you don't find it, YOU WILL NEVER, EVER DO THEM. If you're waiting for someone to make you, you ll be waiting a long time. You need to want it for you. I can't tell you to do something and make you do it. Your mom cant make you. Your friends cant make you. You need to live out the experiences to get you where you are and LISTEN to them. Don't tamp them down and continue to be mediocre. You need to get to the point where you've had enough and then you need to make the change rather than ignore the signs as so many do. YOU need to stop making excuses for yourself. Only you can do that. Otherwise, you may as well sit around at 2 AM looking for flying pandas in the dark to take you to the perfect life in a cloud of glitter and highly advanced pyrotechnics. Well hey, let me know if you see any! That'd be pretty cool....

You Got a Fast Car.....Until It Gets Hit By A Mack Truck!

I drive a VW Beetle. We met one day back in February. It was in the middle of that cold streak, where it hurts to go outside but you're so sick of wearing the same stupid three coats, that you just wear a sweatshirt for something different, because, you wont need to be like, OUT in that cold for more than thirty seconds at a clip right?

If your car breaks suddenly and irreparably, and you need to go car shopping immediately, you might have wished you were wearing that coat. That was the situation I was faced with that day, my seventeen billion year old Pontiac Grand Am whom I'd purchased for $800 four years earlier, had finally made an abrupt, but predictable exit to the big junkyard in the sky. Having to work my normal job in the morning, I needed a car ASAP. My dad and uncle knew someone who knew someone who knew someone that sold cars, so off we went for a deal hunt.

Everyone who knows me knows I HATE spending money. I cling to money like Jack and Rose cling to that door in the last scene in Titanic. Some people collect hockey cards. I like to collect money. I just love to watch it grow. So the news of needing a brand spanking new car didn't really delight me, although I knew it was coming for some time.

The guy at the car place showed me a sheet with all the cars, and my eyes were looking for price first and ugly factor right after. Jeep? Meh too boxy. Buick? HEEEELLLL no, I'd had enough boat cars for a lifetime after my first Pontiac Bonneville. Beetle? Well, it was cute! And the cheapest thing on the lot. I was sold. I went out to meet her. It was love at first site when she looked up at me with those giant headlights, she looked so happy! (so what if Beetles stemmed from Hitler, they look so darn cute) I drove the car off the lot that day for $6000 cash. Ok, I didn't drive it, it was standard, and Id never driven standard at the time and had no idea how. But I like a challenge, I'll get into that story another time.

Anyways, I had several people in the last few days ask me how I think I can do what I love and ever have any money. No, right now, two months into doing this full time, I don't make "crazy good money". There used to be a time when I would pour over stats published about how much people in my industry are supposed to make, and how much average people make, and do I measure up?!?! Then I realized something. I ain't average. And I don't even want to be, so why worry about averages?! I have everything I need and want right now....and the point is that's different for everyone, and for 90% of that, you have total control over your life design. With the exception of medical emergencies and the like, YOU control how you set up your life. Forget stats ok? Because they are just that, AVERAGES. YOU might be the one that doesn't fit with that.

Think of crash test ratings. You spend hours looking for the perfect forty seven star frontal crash test rated minivan with side air bags, ceiling air bags, arm rest airbags, airbags in the cupholders and windows that you cant open from the inside unless you're cleared with the CIA, lest someone fall out mid cruise. You're going along on the highway, and Bob the truck driver fell asleep after one too many hours on the road. Hes crossing the median. He's got 20 huge steel pipes in his truck. You know where this is going. No cupholder airbag could have stopped that beam from taking you straight out in this case. Behind your supervan, was Joe. Joe drives a 1995 Geo Prizm. It has a negative 40 star crash test rating. Did they even put airbags in that thing? Joe slams into your van. Metal pipes come within inches of his head. Joe should be dead. But Joe walks, yup walks away from the crash. You're dead. Crash test ratings and averages, made zero difference here. This was a unique situation. The angle of the crash was just so that Joe walked out without a scratch. And you didn't. You're dead.

He lived, you didn't?! How's THAT for averages?

The point here is averages don't guarantee, promise, or mean, ANYTHING really. Fortunately, you have a bit more control over your life design than you do over your life on the road. People ask me how I live? I don't spend thoughtlessly. I don't have a TV. I buy new clothes rarely, I have MORE clothes than I know what to do with. I do my own hair. I paint my own nails. I am blessed with no loan payments, because owning a business was a plan I considered WAY back in high school with my family. I don't have kids. I live in a place where the rent isn't high, and I share it with someone. My cars have all been used and bought in cash. My biggest expense is food, because that's also the one "hobby" I've chosen to pursue.

Ok, I know what you're thinking. What a loser, God shes boring, her life must be so boring and absolutely suck, she has NOTHING, I have so much more, what does she DO with her time?! You'd be wrong on all counts, in my eyes. I am rarely bored. I don't care about TV at all, I forget it exists actually. In my free time, I work out because I love it, I research working out, I research and read online, I talk to my boyfriend and friends, I go outside. And oh yeah, I build my design biz. Because I want that. Because I KNOW I cant support five kids and a BMW and yacht on what I make now. NO WAY. But I'VE CHOSEN THAT.

You might choose different. You might want kids, more than you want to not work a "stable" job. You might be ok with spending all week away from the huge house you have to keep paying on. You might be ok with that big cable TV bill. That is entirely your choice. But don't just have things, because stats and society says you have to have things.

Do you WANT to pay for 7000 channels a month? Can you think of something better you might be able to do with your time here than lose it to fake story lines? Can you find a couple things you want to watch online for free? Can you drive a car because it gets you somewhere, not because its shiny and new? Do you need to spend hours working to pay for someone to coat your fingernails in plastic? Can you live in a cute little place that you made all yours, not caring who it impresses? Do you really want to start a family at this time? Can you still get a good workout in with $12 TJMaxx headphones instead of $300 dollar Beats? You get what I'm saying.

Of course some things will ALWAYS be beyond our control, as is the case with the metal pipes on that truck. You may fall ill, a surprise child might come along, your house might burn down. NO ONE KNOWS SO WHY WORRY! Only control what you can, to get you to a place of TRUE happiness that has NOTHING to do with what the stats say should make you happy. I'm pretty freaking happy, in my no TV small house with my non manicured nails in my favorite yoga pants, eating $13 dollar nut butter from a spoon handed down from my mom. Back up, HOW much was that nut butter?! Its ok, we all have ONE thing we enjoy spending on ;) Keep it balanced!

THINK big picture about the future, BUILD the life you want, do not throw money down the toilet and hope happiness will blow up back out at you. Usually what comes back up in that case, is pretty shitty. Pun intended. Start making the changes and thinking of how you can get closer to what you SERIOUSLY want. What are you willing to sacrifice? ALL goals require some sacrifice. HAPPY FRIDAY!

As always, check out www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com to see what I do!

I'm On the Pursuit of Happiness and I Know, Everything that Shine Ain't Always Gonna be Gold, HEY

I hate math as its taught in schools. I was always terrible at it. I still remember when I first realized I was terrible at it. Second grade. Those worksheets where you had to do problems as fast as you could, and the winner that got them all right got some kind of prize. Maybe a glitter pencil of one of those huge triangle erasers that just looked like candy and made you get a craving for a Starburst or ten. Anyways, it was time for another fun round of worksheet racing, but this time, it was division. I still can't do long division. Like you could threaten to take my life with a dagger to my throat,  and I probably couldn't figure out long division. Everyone is finishing up, and the winner is already grinding their new glitter pencil to a fine point in the sharpener. Meanwhile, I'm sitting there and I can't get one problem. Not one. I'm the last kid still sitting at the desks. I feel panic rising in my stomach and I just want to run out of that room and hide in the woods where long division doesn't exist. But I cant so I sit there until the teacher finally notices the hot tears that have begun running down my face and comes over.

Who remembers these?!

Now, I have a few friends who are math teachers. They probably have a nice collection of glitter pencils somewhere in their closet at home, shiny like special unicorn horns. But in my experience, many math teachers, have been...mean. Not mean people persey, but just plain canNOT fathom how ANYONE has difficulty understanding long division. Or algebra. Or why x is just a letter near the end of the alphabet in some peoples minds. I have had, in my school career all the way up into college, math teachers who have given me serious 'tude because I, Tamara Morrison, struggle with math. One professor in college even went so far as to say to me when I asked for help "You should know this, shouldn't you? I don't have time you will need to study it on your own." I remember she was obsessed with the gym. So I cant hate her entirely. But, what she failed to realize here is that HEY MATH DOESN'T COME EASY TO EVERYONE!!! Just because you basically must have popped out of the womb with an algebra how to manual implanted in your soul, doesn't mean I did.

And that is the point of this post today. Its about realizing that not everyone defines success/happiness/talent the same as YOU and that's fine. Somewhere in my journey to not really caring what anyone else thinks came that realization. For ME, success is being independent, not being in an office for work, freedom. I don't want kids. Like ever. Yeah that's right I'm a 26 yr old girl that isn't interested in kids. You think I will change. I think you're wrong. It makes me happy to chase big goals. I don't get nervous putting my ideas out there. I don't get scared to step on a stage. I don't want to live a mediocre life. I want to do something different. And I'm happier now than I think I've ever been because I'm doing what I love even though people told me it was crazy.

That's my dream, but I know people that want to be moms more than ANYTHING. I mean whole face lights up when they talk about it. My mom was one of those people. She didn't want to run a business or come up with crazy ideas. Didn't interest her at all. She wanted to be a stay at home mom. That was her dream. And she did it. That is nothing like my dream. Its quite opposite. But she was HAPPY. She was terribly happy.  I know people who love routine. SERIOUSLY love it. They like sitting in an office, they like having everything thought out and then going home and enjoying some time or hobbies. I know people who go live in Africa for years, with no running water because they want to volunteer and they believe they are doing good. I know guys in relationships with other guys and they own a house and a puppy together. All these people do not live the life that fires ME up and would make me happy. But they are happy. You can tell when someone has passion and happiness and excitement for life. They all have it. So stop questioning it. Stop asking yourself or other people how so and so can be happy living THAT life? ANYONE who has discovered their happiness or is on the way to that, should get respect for that. Because there are SO MANY who have not.

You know the ones I mean. The whiners, the sad souls. Maybe right now, you are one. The people who are so not happy with anything they are doing but, refuse to create change. The biggest reason seems to be (and we always fall back on this one) is what other people are saying/thinking. Someone told you your dreams are stupid. You think if you tell anyone your dreams, they WILL say you're stupid. People told me this too. My old boss one time said to me "What are you going to do if you don't do this? There's nothing else for you, you cant be a designer anywhere, this is the best you can do" Sure it got to me. But I refused to believe it. A  0.30995 second Google search shows me thousands of people who ARE designers. With my education and levels of knowledge. With less money saved. With less support. The proof is easy to see. If they could do it why the hell not me?! I'm not a special unicorn! If they could do it why not me? They freaking had to do some work for it. They didn't just wake up and have this happen. Working for change is GOING TO BE UNCOMFORTABLE. All those happy people, they know that. A lot of times, I don't feel like calling people, I don't want to think about all those huge ugly numbers putting quotes together (math!) It sucks. Id rather be eating chocolate and scrolling Facebook. In my cube life, I could. Money was made even scrolling Facebook. But not now. Maybe that stay at home mom feels like dog shit today. She doesn't WANT to deal with three kids today. Its hard. They annoy her today. She'd rather be on the beach with a glass of wine. Maybe that gay couple with the puppy don't feel like being gawked at today in the supermarket. But screw it. Shut off the emotions and just do it. I just do the quote. The mom just deals with the kids. The couple goes to the store. And in the end they all emerge happier and stronger. NO ONE ever regretted the outcome of pushing harder at a goal. No one.

So you know what, math teachers past? Not everyone gets math. Not everyone is good at that. It's not the only way to be smart, or happy. Not everyone wants to be fit like me. Not everyone wants to compete. Some people just want to fit into their jeans from two years ago. Not everyone wants to run a business. Not everyone CAN. It would be like asking a fish to fly. It's not utilizing what that fish does and loves best. And yeah, I don't want to be a mom, or get a "real safe" job or stop training for competitions or go back to college. Stop asking. If it changes Ill let ya know. I am, right now, happy. I can only hope you are, too. If you AREN'T, that's the people I feel for, the people I wish I could help change. Help them somehow erase their often self imposed restrictions on doing what it is they are best at and most passionate about. I don't care if its building igloos at the North Pole, joining the gypsies, or working at the meat counter at Stop and Shop. If you want it, find a way to put in the work to get it. NOTHING ever came easy worth having. Don't find fault in other people's happiness and skills. My dad always said of his crew when he was manager at a car dealership, his people were all like different tools in his box. Some were good at some things, others at something else. Together they made a great team. But forcing someone to do something they aren't good at/didn't like always always backfired. Ok, now its time to do some quotes. Thank God for the calculator. There aren't enough glitter pencils and candy erasers (remember the strawberry scented ones?!) to make me do long division by hand ever again.

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