Why A Lack of Patience, Just Ain't Gonna Cut the Mustard!

You know what? With most things,  I am NOT what you might call,  a patient person. I hate waiting. I don't like standing in lines. I hate stop lights. (Don't even get me started on the stop lights in the town where I live, we could have an entire blog on that...) I go nuts when I want to eat (that's basically always), and I'm trying to open a new bottle or jar and there is one of those stupid plastic unbreakable seals and once you slice that bastard off there's another stupid seal under the lid. "Sealed for Your Protection," they always boast. Look, I'm at the point where I'd rather risk contracting incurable venereal diseases than fight with this stupid plastic. Therefore I'd rather you protected me just a TAD less, and let me have some damn mustard, or the one that's going to need protection is YOU, French's.

NIGHTMARES

I lose my cool over packages that take 304959 years to deliver. What, is this thing coming from Mars, or New Jersey?  I, like many people in today's society, want what I want and I want it now. But at the same token, I've noticed I'm able to shut my impatience off for a couple of things in my life. I realized just how important that ability IS, and how it really can help a person achieve long term goals. Impatience, like so many things we deal with is just an emotion. Control that, and you will have a much easier time finding success in all areas of your life. Trouble is, most people don't seem to know how! It can be learned though, by changing how you think about your big goals.

Most people who read this probably know, I am an NPC Bikini Competitor, and I had a competition this past weekend. I took second in that competition, and I made so much improvement over last year where I took dead last in this same show. More important than that, was that I was absolutely floored by the amount of texts, messages, and well wishes and congratulations that I got on that competition. I have never really been motivating to anyone that I was aware of, and to have so many people tell me that, literally blew me away! So humbled and grateful! So I wanted to thank everyone for that, as a side note! Fitness however, is one example of something in my life, where impatience is NOT a factor for me. Building a killer physique is NOT going to ever be a fast process. IT TAKES YEARS. You all see how I look on that stage and yeah, that's great, but you must know, it has taken me upwards of FIVE YEARS to even get this far!!

I still remember my 19th birthday, it was also Father's Day, so the entire family went for a hike to the Heublein Tower in Farmington CT. It's basically straight uphill to the top for a good 20-30 minutes. I. Was. DYING. I was wheezing and sweating and it was just miserable. My mom said "I worry about you, you NEVER get any exercise!" She was right. Ever since I'd started dating my other half, we had sunken into a happy place of french fries and ice cream dates and nights on the sofa. For the first time in my life that summer, I was putting on some pudge. And I knew it. I remember I vowed on that day to do SOMETHING, no matter how little, to get some exercise, and stop eating so much crap. That began my love affair with research via the internet. I tried so many things you have no idea. I tried 100% squeaky clean eating and "jogging". God I HATE running. The shin splints killed me. It was so boring. I didn't get any leaner. What abs? I then started lifting weights. Along with the iron, I lifted every piece of food I saw that was "clean" into my mouth, under the excuse that I lifted, I could have it. I gained weight and NOTHING fit. I told myself it was all muscle. I still didn't have any abs. I decided it MUST be carbs that were keeping me from my dream body. I proceeded to stop eating them. I mean STOP. I didn't eat a single piece of fruit, bread, potato or candy for over a YEAR. Ill tell you what I did eat though. JARS of nut butter and cans of mixed nuts. There were barely any carbs so it was ok right? WRONG. I weighed more than ever! All that jogging wasn't even working. So I did more research, and took a totally new approach to everything, and slowly, got it right. I learned a lot of what didn't work the hard way. I don't run anymore. EVER. I HATE IT! I eat carbs. I DON'T eat uncontrolled handfuls of nuts anymore ( hmm probably the giant amount of calories in 309845 handfuls of nuts a day couldddd be why I wasn't getting lean!) The point here is, the end result you see there, took me YEARS. I have YEARS to go on those goals too. If that didn't teach long term goal patience.....I don't think anything can.

The same mindset I had with fitness, is how I am able to start and run and continue to develop my design business. I started design back in MIDDLE SCHOOL. I took my first class in eighth grade and I actually won an award at the end of the year for something I made, I think it was a box for golf balls, hah! That was 13....YES THIRTEEN years ago. I was 13 years old and I'm now 26. I've been working on honing that passion for HALF OF MY LIFE. I went down a long and mistake riddled road on the way to where I am here now, just as I did with fitness. I got caught up in what everyone else was doing in high school, I stopped designing and started Facebooking. My parents encouraged me to pursue design and a business/freelance career, I just wanted to do what everyone else was doing and go to four year college and be a "corporate person" or something, and work in a nice office with nice heels and skirts and my name on some cube. Yes, at one point, I WANTED that. I wanted to do what I thought adulthood meant. And so, I got myself an office job or two and well, you know the rest. You know I hated it. The free spirit kid I'd always been was still in there somewhere and she wanted out.

The point of these stories is, that these are two big, giant areas of my life where patience wins. And I'm OK with that. Here's why: Because the way I look at it is in terms of the big picture. I am NOT going to be an IFBB Pro athlete tomorrow. Or next year, or next week. I am NOT going to be a millionaire with a thriving business either. Not now. But, the biggest thing that keeps me going to bed so happy every night,, is knowing I made a chip in those goals, every single day. Forget being rich, or a pro, or all the glory. The road is so long, you can't see the end. ACCEPT THAT. Forget the end. That's the biggest secret I have to getting somewhere. Forget the end. Everyday just drive another mile down that road. DO NOT STOP. Do not stay inside and sleep. Get in the car and get on that road. So what you didn't make $10203 today. Did you talk to one more person who might give you some work? Did you respond to another few emails from prospects? Did you call someone with their estimate? Yes? Ok then you did not waste this day. You did not. Did you instead sit there and think about the cigarette boat you're going to buy when when General Mills asks you, personally, to redesign their entire line of cereals, while simultaneously watching Friends reruns saying you'll start tomorrow? Then sorry, you wasted that day. You will never succeed. 

So the take away here? Patience is an emotion and YOU have control. Part of that control, is breaking your big aspirations down into actual small goals that you can focus on TODAY. You will not meet that big goal today. Or next year. But you will eventually get there, IF you keep moving in smaller steps. I NEVER thought I'd actually HAVE a full time business, or step on a physique stage. Then one day it happened. There's still so much to do, but its progress. You can't ask for more. Stop asking yourself for more than little steps. Let that expectation go. Sleep at night with your big goal still un-achieved (!) But, DO SOMETHING even if its TINY. Let that be enough for today. Repeat tomorrow, and the next day and the next. Like dirty socks, you just add a couple to the pile a day and before you know it, its rolling out of the hamper and you can't even contain it anymore! Of course no ones ultimate life goal is doing laundry (again) but, LITTLE THINGS ADD UP OVER TIME!!

I still hate those damn plastic food seals. But, if I just calm down and remove the label in a human manner instead of that of a rabid chipmunk, I would probably still hit my goal of mustard covered bliss, with a lot less trouble. Pshhh who are we kidding, can't always be patient.....time to eat........!

"I Think There's Been a Mistake..." "Did You Say STEAK?!?" "No, MIStake!"

You know what I could go for right this second? A burger. Like one of those big juicy ones, totally still mooing on the inside, grill charred on the outside. On top, Id like mushrooms and onions, but not raw onions, because I'll burp those up until July 4th. I'd also like some cheese. Cheddar. Lots of serious ketchup. And mustard. No bun, and a pickle.

FOODPORN!!!

Ok ok, I'm totally dreaming of what I will have after I walk the stage this weekend to compete in my first NPC Bikini show this season. If you know me (or if ya don't) you know I have been preparing for this thing for basically a year, when I did terrible in my last show, for many reasons. I could have chosen to run and hide and never give it another shot, but dammit I just love to lift weights too much and if so many other people could get into stage shape, why not me? I decided this time, I would do it my way, or no way. I'm not one for following direction. Never was. For me, its never enough to have just listened to someone and done something, I need to know the WHY and the HOW. If someone tells me what to do with no reasoning behind it, I struggle to even bother to DO it!! Plus, I've learned I need to say I did something MYSELF, or it's a nearly worthless accomplishment in my mind. That's my independent streak talking I suppose. Anyhow,  I decided I would learn this getting shredded things for myself, and if I looked decent come show season, I'd give it a go.

I ended up turning out an OK product over the past year, so this weekend that's just what I'm going to do. I've had some great help and support along the way, those people know who they are. But ultimately, this is me and me alone. My project, my product, my work.

Now, I don't believe in turning away good advice and help, and hearing it and processing it alone can teach you so very much. Listen to what people who have been in your shoes before you say, and then do what you will with it, but always LISTEN!!! It's all part of your path, and even bad or wrong advice, can show you what is RIGHT when you may not have seen it before.

Fitness, is so much like business. I may elaborate on that in another post some time. But, even Sir Richard Branson, who started over 400 companies under Virgin Group, said the secret to success? "Work out."

Why? I think, because it requires a certain mentality. The external after all, is a manifestation of the internal. Yeah, your grey matter. Your brain. Its more powerful than your physical being. So if you can grasp the mentality it takes to create an elite physique (or even a better than average one, which isn't a crazy aspiration in America) what the $*#& else can you do?!?!

I'm not here now to tell you entirely how to get into that mindset. Some of it is probably personality type. I'm a little OCD about details, but I am THE LEAST organized person ever. Do you want to see my kitchen right now? No, no you don't. (Sorry mom and dad!!) But, when I design, I measure to the millimeter to center things. I count my diet like one extra mushroom will result in needing to ride one of those scooters around the Wal-Mart. I pay disgustingly close attention to artistic detail. But I can't see how dirty the shower is. Probably a little bit sick in the head. :P

At any rate, the point here today is, no matter what goal you are pursuing, you're chicken shit scared and you probably aren't going for it as much as you could be. What are you scared of most? Mistakes. Messing up. More importantly, public mistakes. Because you care what people think. Look back at old posts where I already told you that.

Last year on that stage, I kinda looked terrible. I did two shows last year, but I only really ever talk about one. Because the second one, I was dead last. I was unprepared. My diet was a mess and I was hardly following one anymore. My hair was barely done. I looked unkempt and brought a half assed package to that stage. I messed up. It was public. Everyone saw. It was my fault for not taking control of my situation and being responsible for myself that day.

I see the same in business. Recently, I made a mistake there too. I messed up. I missed an error. I had 1000 of something printed up and they were all incorrect. It happened. It's going to happen. Because despite my detail orientation, I am human. I make mistakes. I miss things. And when it happens, it will be public. People will see. People will hear. Sometimes, in other unfortunate cases recently, things blow up and mistakes even make the news.

At first, I was disturbed. I didn't want a bad reputation, I was honestly questioning my own abilities, and wondering if I even DESERVED to work with anyone else if I was just going to disappoint them or make more mistakes. You can always be more careful. But you have to realize there's ALWAYS a risk of mistakes. ALWAYS ALWAYS. Why the hell would I let that risk set me back, TAKE RISKS or you simply cannot progress.

Then I thought about that physique show. Yeah I publicly messed up. But NO ONE REMEMBERS. I pulled myself up by my bootstraps after that blunder and I didn't quit. I found another way. I kept doing it because I love it. And I ignored the failure of last time. I blocked it out. I moved on. This weekend a lot of people, probably you if you are reading this and you know me, are going to be watching me to see how I do in this show. You've maybe been watching me work on my self project for a while now. And I may totally lose and bomb out again. Might make a mistake. Might fail. And hundreds of people will see. But I'm not scared of that because no matter the outcome, I know that journey was worth it, not for the end result but for the other 364 days I worked to get there. And there will be 364 more to follow, because I love to train and I'm not doing this to prove anything to anyone.

People ask how I get up there and I'm not nervous. Because why should I be? It's nothing in the end. Its 30 seconds. It's 30 seconds out of millions of seconds of my life, for a purely physical sport. There will be years of shows ahead of me if I so choose to participate in them.

And in my business, there will be years ahead to progress in that, as well. I will certainly make more mistakes. 100% freakin guaranteed. But I can't let that fear hold me back from showing you and everyone else exactly what I'm capable of and how I can help you. Handle mistakes with honor. Don't ignore them or run from them, but instead apologize, face them, fix them, work around them, and most importantly, learn from them! They, like all those people who offer advice, are the best teachers on your path. Everything and everyone you encounter brings you where you need to go. Let it. Risk it. Don't fear opinions. Fail and fail publicly. Let everyone see you do it. Hell, give them binoculars. What of it? You'll still wake up tomorrow and you'll still find happiness in the things you love. Let that fear of MISTAKES go and instead, strive to make as many damn mistakes as it takes to learn enough to be very successful. The only mistake you should stop making, is inaction. That one is the ultimate blunder that simply cannot be overcome. So get off your asses now and go screw something up with enthusiasm!

On the upside, this writing took just long enough, that its almost dinner time! No burger or steak yet, (or chocolate, I realllllly want some fudge covered peanut butter, or peanut butter covered fudge) but
I do get some pretty tasty eats. Somewhere, someone gets none tonight. Somewhere, some cow is settling in for his last evening before becoming my post show refeed. Ok, that was a little depressing. Sorry! Keep the vibes positive people! Until next time!

If you want to risk an awesome encounter for you next design or tshirt project, check me out at www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com . Mistakes not guaranteed ;)

I Love Peanut Butter, and I'm a Little Selfish. You Should Be Too.

Are you ever sitting there, doing something totally nonchalant like clipping your toenails, or maybe something magnificent, like watching the sunset in Maui, and you realize, suddenly, that you will NEVER know what it would be like to experience this life as anyone else? Never. I mean this point of view you have, right here, right now, reading this, is something no one else will ever know.

It's scary really if you sit there and ponder it. There are billions of us, yet no two experiences on this planet are ever the same and YOU ONLY GET ONE.

I have a scar on my right knee from when I was trying to "surf" by standing on a pool tube NEXT to the pool. Of course, I fell off and diced my knee open. My grandpa was supposed to be watching me, but he had fallen asleep. (A normal occurrence for him!) Every time I look at that scar I remember him. I have calluses from weightlifting that remind me how much I love it every time I look at my hands. I love reggae music and peanut butter and chicken with cinnamon and mustard on it. My daddy is still my biggest supporter. Some people have never met their fathers. And I will never have to know what that's like.

Is this how they make Peanut Butter?!

I will also never know what it's like to be a child that was abused, or to come from a huge family. And you won't know what it's like to still get bothered by the smell of burning brakes and metal on the highway. Or maybe, you will, but not because you were going 70mph on January 10, 2010 when you got struck from behind and spun around three times into a bridge, walking away from your destroyed car with only a broken nail. Maybe you'll have a similar story. But it won't be exactly the same. The story of your life can never, from start to finish, be the same as my story.

Only one person is there with you, from the moment you're born till the moment you die. Only one person knows what scares you, what you love, what hurts, what you really think, all your scars, what it looks like when you ate some bad pigs-in-a-blanket, and you have your body rebelling from both ends...at once. Not pretty. Not pretty. That person is you. You live and die with you, my friend. You know what else lives and dies with you? Everything you do in your little slice of time and space here. There seems to be a few reasons I see, that people think they shouldn't fully ulilize that finite slice. But it's time to knock those to the curb and write some plot twists into your story. Here's why you might be reluctant...

1) You think people are going to remember  - People love you. They do, I promise. SOMEONE (several someones!) is deeply effected by your presence. But we all think people care far more about us and our stories than they do. And it holds us back. You don't want to be seen in high school wearing hand me downs because the other kids will laugh. You don't want to go to the gym because people are going to recoil in disgust at your back fat. You don't want to start a business because you might fail and people might see. People might say you suck. People might see you fall on your ass if you get up on stage and try to walk in heels and a bikini, like I'm about to in a week. Yup, should that happen, they'll see. They'll laugh. It will suck. And in ten years, no one will remember including me. But YOU WILL always remember that thing you wanted to do but never did because of the things you thought people might say and think. People are going to think and say things about you anyways. If you do nothing, they'll say your a lazy recluse.  Remember, you live and die with you and you alone. When you're 80, sitting on some nursing home porch with drool down to your armpits, most of them won't be there. You will though.

2) You're afraid of being selfish - "Selfish" is painted as this horrible concept in our society. Its widely agreed that its bad to be seen as selfish. To care about ones self. But if you don't even care about yourself, who the heck else is going to? I think, acting selfish, and BEING selfish are two different things. Acting selfish, would be that trait we all don't like. Being mean and arrogant, unwilling to help people who need you, putting everyone else last, having no consideration for other people's feelings or situations. But BEING selfish, could simply be taking care of YOU and taking the time to work on the one person you have complete control of. Invest in you. You have nothing to give to anyone else if you're so busy ignoring your own thoughts and aspirations because you feel guilty chasing your purpose for being here. By doing your thing, you inspire other people. Be it your children, your friends, and strangers you've never even met. And that is the very definition of UNselfish.Giving isn't always giving time, or money, or THINGS to a charity on a poster. It could be giving positive vibes.

3) You get too attached to important people in your life - We all have that friend. The one who you think would probably jump headfirst off a bridge if their significant other ever left them. They claim to be "so in love". They don't do things if the other person doesn't like them. They do things BECAUSE the other person tells them to. They don't really do much without the other person. But who are THEY? What do THEY give to this thing called existence?  I have been with the same person for 8 years. We like some of the same things of course. But we like a lot of different things. I'm a fitness competitor. He works out, but he has no desire to go as hard as me for that goal. I use that same mentality to run my business. He prefers being part of a team/company. He plays softball and loves it. I don't even know which way to run. (I'm NOT exaggerating) I can't swim in the ocean. Hate it. He's a fish out there. He races cars. Cars are shiny and pretty to me, but I have the same interest in racing as he does in counting grams of carbs. Yet we mesh nicely. He doesn't tell me I can't go to the gym. I don't tell him to stop racing. At the same token, he tells me if I'm being a crazy bitch. I tell him if he's being a dumb ass. If we ever split, I will be lost. I love him. But I will still be Tamara Lynn Morrison, artist and designer. I will still have that. I've had that since I was born. I will still love fitness. I will get up at 7AM everyday and do those things. I will live for them as I do now. We choose other people to walk our paths with us. But we should never choose to cling to them and let them drag us by the neck. Never make anyone else your everything. Because when/if they leave, you will have nothing. You will be nothing. At the end no one can die for you. You will breathe your last breath with your own two lungs. Why live for your life for someone else??

Find your own passions. Be a little yes, SELFISH and put those dreams first. Then give the happiness those passions give you to other people who deserve to be in your life. UNselfish, see? This life is yours and yours alone. You only get one story, write the book so that when it closes and gets filed away on the shelf of humanity, it deserves a big freaking spot. And please, at any party where they are serving pigs-in-a-blanket, steer clear. Not.....pretty.

Motivated to start living out some dreams that require a designer? ;) You know where to find me www.tamaramorrisongraphics.com